Within Christine's Reach

Life without Sense

2012-02-09T18:16:00.001+08:00

Last Friday night, my father had been unconscious. Thanks to his friend, he was rushed to the hospital. We were shocked to hear the news a few hours afterwards since he was all far alone in Mindanao outskirts for a business trip as usual. Why does it have to happen there now that we were all back in Manila?

It was indeed a great turmoil but we were relieved to know that he was resuscitated and was transferred to the ICU. The following morning, my mother accompanied by my brothers took the second earliest flight and flew to Cagayan de Oro City to be at our father’s bedside.

But that left us all alone. Ever since they left, a sense of quietness appeared in every corner of the home. It wasn’t hectic as the usual morning day. My brothers’ room was silent with only hush of wind blowing from time to time. The dining room was incomplete yet peaceful. Everything was finally without chaos. Yet deep in my heart, I knew I do crave for this atmosphere but not with the risk of someone dying. Indeed, I pondered and asked myself if I was still on the right track with Our Lord.

Ever since November of last year, my life has been very busy. I was sent to school to study more and gain more knowledge. But with knowledge comes a great responsibility. Having chosen medical transcription, we were required to memorize medical terms of a certain branch of medicine given a week’s time. I exerted all my effort to master it and asked God’s forgiveness for not being able to give more time to Him than I usually do. I miss it but I can’t help it either. I need to recompense what my parents are paying for my tuition.

But as time goes by, I felt dissipated. I began to long for inner peace which the classroom couldn’t give. Activities e.g. teamwork and role playing were all but nonsensical since it wasn’t correlated to God. I was sick and tired of praises and laughs that’s only deafening me. Although I love what I was studying, time and time again, I had this exhaustion while doing nothing really great. Illogical as it may seem but I was concentrated yet disturbed at the same time. I knew I need a way out. Every time I returned home, I longed to read the spiritual books and articles that used to enlighten me. Yet I was left without a choice. I’ve to pick up my modular book again and read and read to make it on next week’s exam. My only consolation was the weekly words of the priests in the confessional and in the pulpit. I try to repeat it oftentimes on my mind so that it echoes wherever I go or whatever I do.

Now that I had informed my school administrator of the family crisis and excused myself, I was too glad tossing off my medical text books and exchanged it to spiritual ones. It was a pleasure reading it as I could see where my life is really at. As I re-read the Soul of the Apostolate by Dom Chautard, I was finally refreshed. I returned back to my 15 minute meditation and resumed my 15 decade Rosary. Indeed, I saw myself in the book. My soul is wandering, weary and drifting out. It is alive yet dry and can almost be considered as dead. For the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion are not enough for the Catholic soul. In order to maintain the soul’s vitality and Christ living in it, one has to take a break from the usual routine and enter deeply into one’s life through meditation. As the book rightly says, we need not talk and talk to God all the time. Rather, let God do the talking. He wants us to be silent that He may be able to communicate to us His will. His loving command is sweet that it is only the coward who does not heed. It was then I regained my vibrancy and became aware again that active works can only be meritorious if interior life is not neglected. I felt like I was back to grade I but was too happy ignoring my stage. I felt like a little child again with innocence and simplicity at its best.

Indeed, this world gives nothing but allurements which cannot totally satisfy any individual, much more its soul. One cannot concentrate on one’s goal without first shutting the world behind for it is only the Creator Who brought nothing into existence. Hence, the need for His ways. And this I have fully experienced during the past months at school. Any school has no wish but to make the student brighter in this world but duller in God’s life. There are few exceptions, though, such as the SSPX schools. But in most cases, the pupil will be flooded with materialism and egoism forgetting, if not ignoring, God’s words.

Hence, I was far too glad that I had a break from school. It was a blessing in disguise that my father is hospitalized. Though, I pray that he recover soon and be back to normal, both he and I indeed need to be revived from poison. He, from his uncontrolled diet and I, from my sunken soul. As the day continues to pass, I have come to fully appreciate again God’s wonderful ways. I need not worry about anything if I but follow His ways. Arduous as it may be, it is the sweetest and surest way my soul will eventually reach perfect bliss with God in eternity.

Oh Lord my God, I thank Thee for all the blessings Thou hast bestowed upon Thy maid. Let me learn to always keep intact my meditation no matter what situation arises. Teach me to be at pace so that I have time for my daily meditation. Thou art wonderful in everything and I can’t help but express my gratitude for stirring me up when I was about to lose control.

Oh my Blessed Mother, I thank thee for ever supporting me during those tepid months. Indeed, how wonderful is thy Rosary for through it, I was saved from totally abandoning thy Divine Son! Amen.

Fulfillment

2011-09-01T13:50:00.000+08:00

One can never catch the many months that passed by so as to write it down here. Indeed, it’s more than half a year since I last posted and how I miss gathering my thoughts.

Ever since returning home to Manila last February, I was even busy with my life. Still, I made it a point to finish my prayers. It has been a sense of fulfillment to me despite not being able to blog here.

Manila was indeed my home but Mindanao taught me many lessons. I was indeed grateful on my 7 long years stay there. Things aren’t costly and fruits are so abundant you can eat it everyday. I actually lost my appetite on fruits already due to this! Mindanao became my 2nd home and I definitely won’t get lost there if I were to come back again. People are charming there and would always love to chit-chat with everyone. My Mindanao experience was worth remembering indeed.

But Manila is awesome for this was the very root where I got converted to Sacred Catholic Tradition. Mindanao surely strengthened my Catholic Faith and I realized more than ever that I prefer to be with God’s presence than those entire tall scrapers rising amidst this country’s capital.

Fulfillment is something that we call our very existence of living. For if we do not live to fulfill it, we feel like not living at all. As for me, my fulfillment is to be everything what God wants me to be. And I might say that I’m half to fulfilling it. For with each day passing by, there’s a desire to fulfill. But if God doesn’t want it yet, we’d certainly ran out of course and end up waiting for the next day to arrive.

Such is my life these days. I live, knowing my goals and keeping myself at tracked. And if I but failed it, I may be distressed but in the end of the day, there’s a whisper echoing at me that tomorrow is there to attain it once more.

Life is not what we expect it to be but what we must accept and reflect it to be what God deigns it to be. Such should be our daily motivation that in this world, there’d be less evil and more good.

What can be nobler than to love Him Who loved us first? And what could be lovelier to do than to do what He wants us to do? But one cannot simply find it alone. One needs to get the grace which mostly can be found in the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion. There and there, can only one realize the true meaning of life here on earth. It’s a war to wage - a spiritual fight against materialism.

Oh Blessed Virgin and St. Joseph, grant me thy graces that I may find Our Lord comfortable in my heart. I am all thine, and grant that thy desires would also be mine! Amen.

New Year! New Me?

2011-01-04T17:07:00.001+08:00

That was the first question I asked myself the moment I realized it’s already a new year. Can I really fair even better this time around?

Lest I’d be misunderstood, Id’ like to stress that I’m not after worldly honors e.g. new get up, new personality or even a new religion! Absolutely no! It’s about being a little step closer to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

I know I scored better last year but still, it wasn’t good. Rather, I know it wasn’t my best yet. So now, I’m starting again eliminating the bad things in me. But which one is first? This impatience or that tepidity? This pop music or that nicey movie? It’s not easy to discern since somewhere along, I know I’d be falling on the same plane again - half half on either side. Well, there must be a remedy for this. And I better figure it out. I must figure it out.

In his sermon last Sunday, I was touched on how Fr. MacPherson related man’s gradual falling to something bad and eventually leading him to the wrong path. Without grace, man can easily be led astray. At first, you dread the bad thing, then you pitied it, then as time comes, you embrace it unknowingly. He sounded logical since human intellect tells us that you pity something that’s dreadful and of course, pitying something would naturally bring you into half accepting it and soon into wholly accepting it. [This can never be an act of charity since God is charity. And everything that belongs to God is good. Therefore, charity is asking us to love the sinner and not the sin. But in the previous formula, man ended loving both the sinner and the sin which again would bring us to contradiction with the meaning of charity.]

Such was the thing I needed most. And I felt like God was talking right exactly to my heart. He wanted me to pursue my plans of being more sanctified and pious. Never mind how many times I’ve fallen. What matters most is that sincerity of heart to ask pardon at the confessional and at the same time to strive harder to be better.

As this year commences, I shall always keep in mind his sermon. I know I might get easily distracted with all those worldliness around, but with his sermon on mind, I shall always look back to consider my soul very carefully. Things can be easier said than done - hence I wouldn’t be boastful that I’ll be doing my best now but just a little better this time. As hastiness makes waste, I shall only be glad to obligingly walk the speed Our Lady asks me to do so as to attain that holiness that Our Lord expects from me.

Oh Blessed Virgin, Mother of God, grant me the grace to keep the pace of sanctity constantly and wholeheartedly. I humbly beg thee to teach me when I’m confused, strengthen me when I’m tempted, and most especially to assist me wherever my feet tread on and whatever my life’s circumstances will be! Amen.

Guillain–Barré Syndrome

2010-12-27T14:45:00.001+08:00

I was shocked to know that Fr. Salvador is having this sickness. It was dreadful to realize since it can paralyze the whole body as it slowly progresses. My mind was bewildered thinking on what lies ahead on Fr. Salvador’s life.

Looking back, Fr. Salvador was the very first Filipino Society priest I had known ever since my family got converted to Catholic Tradition. This priest, who was the second Filipino Society priest, was just spending his second year priesthood life way back then at Our Lady of Victories Church in Manila. It was then we got to know his vibrant and high spirited character. His easy going manners exactly fitted him to various countries in Asia doing missionary work and it even led him as far as the deserts of Africa. Indeed, his 11 years in the priesthood certainly gave him a colorful missionary life.

Hence, I couldn’t imagine him being paralyzed. One faithful told us that his left side is already paralyzed and a priest informed that he’s on the hospital recovering. Oh well, this must have been his first Christmas without a mission. Aside from his sickness, he must have probably been suffering terribly from his different status in life.

Yet I know there should always be a light of hope. I kept praying for him the moment I learned it on Christmas eve. I know that prayers are not man’s wishes being done on earth but God’s will. Thus, I’ve been asking God to give Father the necessary graces to accept anything as an offering to Him. I know he can grasp it since he loved God so purely that he chose to be an Alter Christus more than anything. Yet, human weakness is ever present and this is the one thing I’m afraid about him. The best thing I could offer him now is the Mass. I hope and pray that he’ll never fall into desperation and that through all oddities, he may still regain his vigor of youthful vivacity and simplicity.

Oh Blessed Virgin, grant that thou would shower Father multiple graces in his present situation. May it please the Most Triune God to restore him perfectly to his normal condition. But if not, I ask that thou continue intercede for his behalf that he may be faithful to his sublime vocation till thou welcome him on the eternal bliss of Heaven! Amen.

Tis the Season

2010-12-16T20:10:00.002+08:00

Christmas is here once again. Carolers are around every night and each night beams beautiful lights of Christmas trees with serenading Christmas songs. Yeah, all this makes me sick since I got a lot of sad Christmas experiences - from my family to personal life.

But this time around, something different struck me. The priest at the confessional advised that I should be generous. Thus, setting aside emotional feelings and far from childish dreams of Santa Claus and gifts, I’m going to reflect about what it truly takes to have a Christmas full of God’s undying love.

The 3 questions that I’m about to write down here are quite simple and need I add sounded more of an examination of conscience. Simple as it seems but it has a value that outweighs its unimportance.

1. Am I already prepared in receiving Baby Jesus in my heart?
2. Do I try as much as possible to avoid sin so that I could at least give Him a clean soul as a birthday present?
3. Have I done worthy actions to merit His presence on Christmas?

Of course, I know it’s too hard to be perfect in everything. But it can never be an excuse not to give your best to Him Who subjected Himself to our wretched humanity. So now that a few days left before Christmas, I’d try to be even generous, diligent, and patient to the people around me. I should try to forget about myself and be accessible to others while at the same time without forgetting my duties towards God. It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever give to Him. In fact, the best Christmas gift I could ever long for.

As the priest rightly said at the confessional, Our Lord didn’t mind Himself being born on a lowly dwelling but thought of the people He’d redeem through His human life. Hence, with simple and insignificant deeds, I shall weave my basket of love ready to be placed next to Our Savior’s manger.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph, thou who prepared Jesus’ place on earth, assist me to have a clean and serene heart on Christmas day that Christ may be able to find in me another place to rest His tender Body! Amen.

St. Vincent Strambi’s Home for the Aged

2010-10-27T16:34:00.001+08:00

Situated near the Mindanao Medical Center and with cemented roads surrounded with tall grasses of some sort, there stood an institution specifically meant for the neglected old and which was founded and run by the Passionist priests once again. This had become our 5th and final exposure. Coming to this place was very downtrodden. One would ask why they’re here when supposed to be they should be in their respective homes encircled by their families.

This place was never out of nursing/healthcare/caregiver students. Hence, we were about 27 there coming from 4 different schools. We didn’t have any CI or co-students here once more and our duty was as usual: 8am to 4pm.

After a short briefing, I was assigned together with 2 others to an old woman who cannot walk already and has a separate house (a small hut) as well. She lives there since she always yells and says vulgar words and sometimes annoys the other elders. In short, she seemed to be always wanting her ways to be done. The supervisor even told me that I’d be challenge with her reputation. It was indeed hard to manage her and somehow I was afraid of her. She uses her stick/rod as her defense against people she doesn’t like. At first encounter I thought of taking it away but it would deprive her of something that might cause her health to deteriorate even more. Plus, she was always shouting at us no matter how much we tried to explain that we’re there to help her. Her anger wouldn’t give her any relief at all. And this could be another cause that might trigger her health. Hence, I decided to ask for a replacement as it seemed hopeless dealing with her. I explained everything to the supervisor but she assured me that the old woman wouldn’t get any worse with our presence. So I followed her advice and stayed with my patient. After an hour or so, I felt comfortable with her already. The supervisor was right. I was indeed challenged but it’s just a matter of getting used to the old woman’s life. I also learned beforehand from other CIs that this person has a TB before. Thus, I’ve to wear face mask whenever I came to her hut. It’s not actually required and the 2 others didn’t wear one but with her usual spitting inside her hut, it’s best to have precautionary measures already.

Lunch was served to the elderly by us. After their eating, we were obliged to wash our patient’s dishes and also clean the dining room. Usually, by the time we finished our duties, it’s already 1pm. And here we begin our own lunch and break. By this time, the elders take a nap or rest while others watch TV. After lunch, we had a get along with each other as this was our only time for us. But from time to time, we never forget our given tasks. As for me, I get to check my patient in her hut every now and then to see if everything’s fine or any untoward incident that I need to report.

During our 2nd day, we’re almost late. It’s just a 2 minutes before 8 when we looked to our watches before writing it in the log book! Good thing we made it. Anyways, our day was still the same. Sometimes, I saw that the elders argue among themselves. Here, we tried to reconcile them and act as peacemakers. If things didn’t work, we always report to the people out there e.g. cook, supervisor.

I was informed by the stay-in caregiver that my patient would be taking a bath. No, she couldn’t do it by herself and it kept me wondering how I can do it. My patient is always mad and knocking us with her stick. Plus, as I’ve said earlier, she’s immobile already. Nonetheless, my nervousness was cleared away when I learned that the caregiver would help us. It turned out that we simply assisted him in giving the old woman a bath. Deo gratias! Afterwards, she was taken on a wheelchair and was out from her hut for quite a few minutes. Then the caregiver asked us to clean the hut’s grounds and I thought of undertaking that chore.

My sister and I were anxious for our 3rd day for we’re already burnt out too much. As I said from my other previous blog, we only get a few hours of sleep. Finally, the last day came and as usual, my mother brought foods and religious gifts for them. We had a culmination day together with the other school and each of us bid adieu to our patients. As for me, I just thought of making a card since it’s not possible talking to her.

This doesn’t mean that our concluding day wasn’t out of hard and tough duties. I was asked by one of the students there to assist them in bathing her patient. We were 5 all in all from 3 different schools. And this patient is still strong, mobile, and restless. She resisted us with all her might and it wasn’t easy to cope with her. We had to hold her hands and feet while at the same time calmly bathe and explain to her the reasons behind it. She was adamant and once managed to kick the pale of water at us. Nevertheless, it was okay since we also needed to make sure that she’s not hurt and that her whole persona isn’t being affected with our actions.

Anyways, this had become my experience with the elderly. When I think of them, I always remember my grandparents who all died so soon. They were just in their 60’s - 70’s and I only had quite a few bonding with them. I completely lost all 4 of them when I was 18. Actually, I never really longed for their presence before since I got a big family enough to keep me from getting bored. But as I grew up, I realized that it’s not just about laughs that you’d always want from others. I also need the wisdom of old people and to give the respect they demand. It’s not that I maltreated them or what but it’s just that I never had the opportunity to show them the love and respect I gave to the people I’ve encountered throughout my exposures to various institutions and places. Somehow, I felt weak and needed meditation. Anyway, it was Maundy Thursday the next day and it was indeed time for me to reflect seriously on my life and on how I can often put God in it. Fortunately, I was blessed to have a confession before the Easter Vigil Mass and was again strengthened during my reception of Holy Communion.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary, have pity on my sinful soul. Grant me always the grace of true repentance so that I may cease offending thy Son Who loved us most dearly! Oh my Christ and King, may Thy reign come soon! Amen

St. Gemma’s Orphanage

2010-10-23T13:36:00.001+08:00

We were scheduled to have an exposure here 2 days after Bp. Fellay’s visit. However, it was cancelled due to the death of our grand uncle and was re- scheduled 2 weeks after.

Our teacher told us beforehand that during our orphanage duty, we’d be having no co-students with us. And CIs normally don’t accompany students here - so the protocol of the school says. Hence, we were only 2 (my sister and I) and we had a 3 day duty from 8am to 4pm.

It was school time and so we only had 2 kids to look for and one handicapped who’s always on his wheelchair. The house matron is from Luzon and barely speaks Illongo too. Thus, we had an easy time going during our stay since the kids are familiar with speaking Tagalog. Anyways, as she toured us around and advised us of our expected work, I observed the place with a keen eye. Boys’ rooms are separated from the girls’ while the children of both genders are allowed to have one big room with a house help to sleep with them as well. They had a lawn in the center that quite became the children’s playground. They also had a library but rarely been used. One can put his fingers there to see how thick dust accumulated there already.

One thing that crossed my mind upon entering here was the Servi Domini orphanage in India. St. Gemma’s orphanage is run by the Passionist priests. (Actually, the rehabilitation center is also theirs.) And I learned that every night they have to recite the Rosary. Plus on Sundays, they are required to hear Mass. No one is exempted even if some are Muslim and Protestants. This was indeed a great option for the youths out there who’re otherwise living immoral lives. But of course, there are many lacking. There were 2 TVs around. One was on the children’s room while the other one was on the living room. When I asked why the children has a TV of their own, I was told that the older kids use the TV on the living room that sometimes the small ones are being deprived of it. So they set up one there. Such a horrible explanation. I’ve even seen that kids are allowed to switch TVs on and even manage the remote control. They also have less regard on sanctity and quite ignorant of the Catechism. Modernism is indeed present here.

During our first morning, we had to get along with the kids first. TV was on and I insisted on closing it and instead focus on wholesome things. It was a good thing that we had a power cut and so they had no choice but to follow us. Afterwards, we taught them basics - from how to write numbers and alphabets to adding and subtracting. We also tried to teach them about God, like what’s the Holy Family’s Name and then pointing out some of the religious statues there and asking them who it is. Sometimes, they were right and when they’re not, we patiently correct them.

10am came and we thought of cleaning their room. There was a pile of clothes in one of the beds and it’s obvious it needed folding. So, we did it while taking turns on looking after the 2 kids that were entrusted to us. Inside was very hot and it gave me a terrible headache. I was about to succumb out but I pitied my sister who’d be left alone. It was more than a hundred pieces of clothes! After 2 hours of folding clothes, it was finally finished. It was already 12 noon and with my head really heavy, we already left for lunch.

We had lunch in one of the huts there outside. It didn’t give me any relief at all since there was a foul smell. We later found out that it was the handicapped’s room that was adjacent to the hut. Hence, my headache only turned worse and worse even though I had drunk medicine already. I decided to rest in the living room first without doing anything but my Rosary prayer.

Thankfully, I was relived after praying the Rosary. As my head became quite normal, I joined my sister already in tutoring the kids. But they insisted on playing. And so we did. Their games were very simple and poor. No scrabbles or chess but just piece of rocks and a small marble (one that resembles those in Chinese checkers). I had no idea of how to play it and so I’ve to ask first. Gradually, I learned and happily played with them. It’s really wonderful to see their ingenuity just to have something to play with.

Our 2nd day began with a visit to the nearby chapel first. It was our mother who discovered that there was a novitiate within the grounds and hence an open big chapel was built. We also brought the kids here and found out that this is where the kids gather to hear Mass on Sundays. Here, we thought of touring the novitiate’s vast grounds. Of course, we weren’t able to go inside the main premises of the novitiate as it is not allowed. The kids pointed to us the novitiate’s chicken farm and we’re able to see their dogs too. Some were in cages and some were looming around but all of them were in unison in barking at us. It caught the attention of one of the religious there and we apologized for the disturbance. He was quite happy anyway to see that there were students taking care of their orphans. Also, the kids helped us in going to the 3 Crosses that were built in the hilltop. It was majestic. I also found out through my own wanderings some old and broken but precious picture frames depicting the priesthood life of St. Paul of the Cross. It was placed in one of the hills there but it seemed neglected already. Here, I tried to teach the kids about the sanctity of life. There were also Stations of the Cross all around the novitiate’s ground but it’s the modern Stations.

Anyways, we continued on tutoring them how to write and color stuffs. Sometimes, they just wouldn’t listen and draw or write something we didn’t ask them to do. I sensed that maybe it’s their way of letting us know that they’re tired of studying. So, we had a give and take process. And in the long end, it worked out.

We decided to have lunch on the beautiful hut which is just a few meters from the chapel and in front of the novitiate. Actually, we already planned it earlier when we first visited the chapel. Even though it was a 10 minute walk from the orphanage, it was well deserving. The lush green trees and the soft wind blowing pure air on us were terrific. We truly enjoyed the scenery as we ate lunch. Afterwards, we thought of spending the rest of our break praying inside the chapel.

At 1pm we walk towards the orphanage and found the 2 playing as usual. We joined them while at the same time we gave them lessons to study. We also informed them the need to pray in the chapel later on. They kept on playing around but we persisted and managed to bring them in the chapel. Inside we taught them how to genuflect, make the Sign of the Cross and pray the basic prayers. They’re indeed familiar with those prayers but sometimes they failed to complete it. After that and bringing them back to the house, we cleaned any mess around and the clock struck 4. It was time to go.

During our 3rd and final day, my mother brought them gifts and Rosaries too. They were very excited but we told them they have to go to the chapel first before opening them. This time we also brought the handicapped boy as our mother thought so. She was the one who pushed his wheelchair all the way. This boy is only 17 and had a cerebral palsy ever since the orphanage took him. I tried to teach him about Pedro Calungsod of which there lay a book about him. I explained to him of how this Filipino martyr died for our Faith but he just couldn’t comprehend. Plus, he always talks nonsense and mimics everything he sees in us. I tried to tell him that’s not right but it’s useless. I really pitied this guy.

Anyways, this day we had other students from a different school. They too did work there and helped in teaching the kids. However, they decided to leave around 2pm. As the day progressed, my sister thought of cleaning the jalousies of the children’s room. Then after her, it was my turn. The 3 students cleaned other rooms as well.

When lunch time came, we left for our hut while the others left for the mall nearby. As usual, we prayed inside the chapel again after eating lunch. After our break, we returned and gave in to their play as this was our last day. Still, we never forget to teach them about God. We visited the chapel and prayed with them again. Since it was Lent, there were many people doing the Stations and it gave them a deeper sense of holiness. I know that 3 days weren’t enough to mold a child’s heart to sanctity yet I also know that we did our best. We leave to God everything now. As St. Augustine rightly puts it, work as though all depended upon yourself and hope as though all depended upon God.

Oh Lord my God, Thou hast said, “Suffer the little children to come unto Me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” Grant that Thou move Thy priests to teach these little ones Thy loving ways so that in the long run they may accept Thy sweet Cross! Amen.

A Date to Remember (October 20, 2010, Wednesday)

2010-10-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

March 8 was something worth remembering over and over again for it was the date of His Excellency Bp. Fellay’s visit in GenSan. I was lucky enough that we had no class and blessed still for being able to persuade my family to join me.

Phela Grande Hotel was the venue chosen for the bishop’s Mass and conference. And when we came there, I asked one of the faithful if the bishop was staying on the same hotel. The reply I got was no. He was in Sydney Hotel which is located very near on a Catholic Church run by the Passionist priests. I wonder if His Excellency got to see it from his hotel window.

About 45 minutes later, as we were seated already waiting for the Mass to commence, I was trying to search if His Excellency has arrived already. And as my head turned around, I saw the bishop smiling as he was being surrounded by the faithful to ask for his blessing. It was my first time to see him personally and he was very much like the photos I’ve seen of him - a cheerful bishop who’s fond of taking pictures. Once, I read that he was dubbed as an amateur photographer. Indeed, he had a camera on hand and took pictures around and about.

He was a down to earth bishop but full of wisdom when he speaks. During his hour long sermon, the bishop used simple metaphors to explain sophisticated matters regarding the Faith. His voice was gentle yet his manners showed an air of determination. He taught the importance of living the Faith even if it meant a lot of sacrifices. He also didn’t forget to thank the faithful for their participation of the Rosary Crusade. The bishop also encouraged everyone to be always prayerful and watchful that the devil may not caught us off guard.

After Mass, there he was praying the Divine Office kneeling in one of the corner there but in front of the Crucifix. I was awed on this gesture that I took a picture of this. Now, it is preserved on my computer photo album. Anyways, dinner was later served and everybody had a hearty meal. The bishop was on an elevated platform together with the only priest present Fr. Ghela and other ranking persons too. After dinner, it was learned that there wouldn’t be any conference already due to time constraint. It was already 10pm and instead they opted for a picture taking with the bishop. When our turn came, I handed something to His Excellency and asked for his signature. He was beaming with joy as he readily granted my request and signed an autograph.

It was indeed a wonderful night. Having met the SSPX Superior General face to face, I was confident that the Society is in good hands. Truly, His Excellency is a man of prayer with a sound prudence. The few hours I’ve spent with him were enough to convince anyone that the Society was right in voting for him as their head once again. For if the head is virtuous, it naturally follows that the body would be virtuous too. And more often than not, experience proves this to be true.

Critics say that the Superior General has been extreme in both sides. Novus Ordo Catholics state that he is rigid in not giving up to Vatican II while sedevacantists condemn his continued negotiations with the Vatican officials. Neither charge is true. He is simply doing what God wants him to do so that God’s will be done on earth as it is Heaven. This may not be popular but it is rightly so. The late Arbp. Lefebvre must be smiling to His Excellency these days. For even though the tempest winds blow, his Society is fastened in chains of Rosaries and Holy Masses wherein there dwell pious religious men and women consecrated to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Oh Lord my God, Thou alone knowest when the moment will come when all Thy people will worship Thee in the right way. I ask that Thou give the Society ample strength to persevere till that time comes! Amen.

GenSan City Hospital aka Emergency

2010-10-15T16:56:00.001+08:00

We set out for our 5 day (every weekends) hospital exposure and here our CI was our teacher already. Stationed at the OB ward, our duty starts from 7am and ends on 3pm. We were comprised of 14 female students - 11 Healthcare students and 3 Caregiver students.

The ward is very much poorly situated and our patients’ beds were already close to each other. It was like having 4 rows with 7 beds on each. That is why, our CI didn’t mind the language barrier for us since we can always ask our co-students nearby. Some didn’t have enough windows for ventilation and many IV poles were made of wood. When I complained to our CI of the situation, she told me that most wards are like that and this isn’t unlikely. Actually, the ward had extended even to the extent of using the hallway for other patients. Oh well, maybe I wasn’t used to the Philippine hospital wards.

Anyways, we were assigned with 2 patients each. Basically, our main work is to do vital signs every 7am, 11am, and 2pm. The rest was spent on cleaning the area, changing dextrose, and sometimes terminating infusions.e were also informed to stay with the patient as long as possible to assist them in any way we can. Hence, we only had a 30 minute lunch break as our group was divided into 2 so as to enable endorsing our patients to one another.

My first patient was operated and I had to record her VS every 15 minutes. The next morning when we returned, she was quite normal already as she already recognizes us and the people around her but still she was NPO. Then there was a patient who had a caesarian for the first time. Another one was a mother for the first time and gave birth to a healthy but underweight baby boy. And others had a problem with their internal organs and needed operation. Sometimes, doctors would do their rounds and checked their condition. This had become our day like in the hospital and it was stressful once more. Most of the time we had to remain standing for there were no chairs available other than for their relatives. The various kinds of sickness around plus the odor the ward emits can truly suffocate the person giving assistance. The best remedy here is to think positive yet logical as well. Of course, we also need God. And oftentimes, I’ve prayed mentally there.

There was a patient of mine who had a ligation after having cesarean birth. I was shocked to hear this as I know she’s Catholic. Yet I made it to the point that she didn’t recognize my dismay. As I had finished recording all my patients’ VS, I noticed that she’s still bleeding from her operation last night. Plus, she didn’t have a binder. We then asked her husband to buy her one so we could place it on her. Afterwards, our CI asked for another student to assist me in placing the binder and luckily, we made it. Our hands were spilled with blood so we had to leave the ward to wash our hands first. On my staying with this patient, she narrated to me that she chose to have a ligation already after having a son born already. But this baby had a cleft lip and that it still needed an operation. She was asking me why God did this to her. But I simply remained silent and listened only. For I couldn’t tell her that what she did was wrong but neither could I encourage her of her actions. I was indeed in a dilemma here. Of course, it easy to say flat on her face that she committed a grave sin, but as a healthcare student, we were taught to empower our patient’s recovery. Hence, I cannot do so for it would definitely affect her recuperation. It really left me quite motionless.

This incident kept on recalling to my mind every now and then. I didn’t know if what I did was right or wrong in God’s eyes. Did I make the right decision on remaining silent? Or did it seem that I approved of it by my silence? It was taught in the book that if it’s against the health professional’s faith, it’s better to ask for a replacement. I guess I should have done that. Then again, we were already crowded and it’s not easy asking for a favor. Somehow, I know I tried my best in keeping my duty both to God and men.

Oh Blessed Virgin, help me always in my dally life. Grant that in every circumstance, I may always do God’s ways! Amen.

Baranggay Tinago, San Isidro (September 24, 2010, Friday)

2010-09-25T07:40:00.002+08:00

This was the place chosen for our community service exposure. Tinago is the Tagalog word for hidden and it indeed expressed its unseen location. It was a sort of wilderness and most houses there were built only through planks of tree leaves. The place was indeed tough to locate and one can get easily lost if you’re not familiar. Going there, one could find a great disparity with the nearby subdivision. The famous Camella homes were also situtated in San Isidro and it was beyond doubt a big contrast. The comparison is like between a majestic palace and our Lord’s Bethlehem.

Our teacher was supposed to be the CI but there was a last minute change. It turned out that our CI was a registered midwife. Along with 3 other Midwifery students, we headed out to San Isidro. We were 6 girls all in all as the other one was late but managed to join us.

After paying a visit to the baranggay hall to inform them of our presence, we walked towards Baranggay Tinago with our host. And upon arriving, there were plenty of children roaming around. Our CI talked to their parents/guardians and told them of our stay from 8 am to 4 pm to teach them ways of improving their lives into healthy ones. We were divided into 3 pairs and here again, my sister and I split due to language barriers.

During the morning, our CI told us to do blood pressure on the people while at the same time do a bit of interview of their life. So, we searched out for them and some agreed and some declined. On our interview and observing them, I noticed that most of them have their TV’s on. They’re really glued on that and yet they’re also poor. They do not have commercial water and rely only in the flowing water there. This was a sad scenario. For it appears to me that they simply divert their being poorness in merely watching TV’s. These people truly need Catholic evangelization since I learned that most of them are Catholics. One can actually get a hunch by simply looking at their houses - they have little statues of the Infant Prague and other blessed pictures of the Jesus and Mary. Some even have the blessed Palms of the Lenten Season. Anyways, after our searched was finished and it’s nearing 12 noon already, we decided to have a lunch. After all, it was really exhausting. Having a door to door approach was not easy since the scorching heat was around. If we were to check our own blood pressure, I guess we’d fall into the high blood category already!

We ate lunch on the house of our host who was kind enough to lend us their hut for our belongings as well. This had become our headquarters. However, this place was truly unimaginable. On the house’s side, there was a piggery and some chickens too. Coming from a well established place, I wasn’t used to this and much more of their flowing water that was on a ground level. I learned that they also take bath there. Here, we washed our hands and did toothbrush. We also washed the dishes they shared with us and it was really a challenge. There was neither faucet nor sink - just a little countertop. I was getting clumsy but it was something that needed to be overcome. Fortunately, I got over with it with much patience (and grin).

After lunch break and preparing our schedule while at the same time resting, our CI told us to explore the community even more so as to continue our blood pressure and interview program. Armed with our BP apparatus, notepads, and pen, we treaded once again. And on our exploring, we were able to have a sight seeing of the vast lands of Mindanao - full of crops and beast of burden. It was like seeing Mindanao from a hill since the road we strolled was stirred upwards. Indeed, Mindanao is rich with bountiful soils and it’s such disheartening that its name is notoriously associated with war and strife.

Much as I wanted to glimpse more, it ended shortly for we have a work to do. But on the way, we also saw herbal plants that are quite helpful to the community and so we listed them as well on our notepads. Anyways, we succeeded in hunting out for the people. Some were resting, others watching, and few were laundering clothes. We talked to them about health and of what their way of living is. One of the interview lists is about family planning and contraception. Our CI is quite modernist here since she insisted on asking it to each and every person and even encouraged its use. Most of the people do not practice contraceptives yet but she was adamant on it saying that it will result on a “good” life. I wish I could stand out but I can’t. The only thing I can do is to remain silent for that’s the current mode of teaching by our head. How ironical for she is a Catholic but her teachings were truly against the Faith.

The second day began with gardening - collecting garbage, raking, and sweeping everything that’s a mess in the ground. Actually, we managed to clean their so called garbage area and put it in sacks so as not to have a port of germs. In this example, we showed them that cleanliness is the first part of having a healthy life. After that, we had a lunch break. Gardening left us almost extinguished for we returned on the hut panting for water and indeed very dirty. After lunch, our companions had a siesta while my sister and I prayed since we couldn’t really get a siesta there.

We were expected to have a 5-day activity there but it was cut short as there was a problem with the CI. She was always late and sometimes asked us to go there by ourselves all alone. This didn’t go well with our mother and so the 2nd day was our last. In our brief stay, it was still a blessing to meet them. I remember how during our livelihood project, we were cooking banana chips for them and the kids instantly grabbed then even though it’s still fresh and hot from the pan. This proved how hungry they were and we always sympathized with them.

I always admire the children there for they’re always cheerful even if their lives turned out poor. This rang a bell to me of Bp. Williamson’s observation of our unfortunate people. He commented and praised them - “the poorer they are, the happier they are.” Undeniably it was. I once saw a child playing with a make shift horse ride. Perhaps, his father made it for him. Playing with them was also amusing since they’re very active. We giggled with them and taught them how to participate on a team. Then, one student asked me to replace her in leading a prayer for the kids since she was a Muslim. I taught them how to pray before meals and most of them already knew the proper Sign of the Cross. It was really breathtaking and sometimes it was enough to dissuade the tiredness that’s lingering already on my whole body.

It was a blessing in disguise that we left already for I really couldn’t bear our CI. I could have ended having a head on collision debate with her ultra modernist thinking when it comes to family planning issue. Yet, when we met our friends at school during our CPR session, they told us that the community missed us and even they admitted of missing our company. Perhaps, when I get the opportunity I shall visit them someday again armed with all the necessary things needed for their sanctification.

Oh Our Lady of Ransom, please protect them from the snares of the devil. I ask that thou keep them for thy Son’s sake and grant that they may soon come to realize the true sense of our Catholic Faith! Amen.

Our Lady of Refuge - Dangpanan Rehabilitation Center (September 22, 2010, Wednesday)

2010-09-25T07:38:00.000+08:00

Our CI told us beforehand to research all about the work of drugs in people who abuse it. We were also taught how to manage those who’re on the process of recuperating to a normal life once again.

The location was far from the hub of the city and it took us about 30 minutes to travel there. The surroundings were really barren and the road was quite untouched by any human innovation save by the pavement that resulted from the various kind of transportation trekking there. Our group consisted of 10 Healthcare students - 8 girls and 2 boys and we were scheduled to be there from 8 am to 4 pm. When we arrived, I felt like it had the atmosphere of a seminary. Inside, there were only 6-8 men and most are on their mid 20’s. Of course, there was a supervisor but I learned that they’re the ones who wash dishes, launder clothes, and clean the bathroom themselves. Yes, here they’re beginning to learn once again those old usual routines that they’d left behind in exchange of getting high on drugs.

It was indeed good to see that they’re now safe from those harmful drugs and better still to know that they never actually committed any worst crime at all. But there is still something hanging on from their past lives. Some of their voices still had a slurred speech and a few doesn’t even want to talk with us. Many stared and - it seems - admired our being in the state of normality. Here, we showed them by deeds and words that they too can become independent and happy if they cooperate and participate rightly from the rules of the institution.

There was a guy who wasn’t able to join us since he’s still quite violent. The drugs are still quite present in his body since he’d use vulgar words and shout at us every time he sees us around. He’s just about my age and how I pity that his life turned out badly.

Anyways, after a short introduction, we proceeded to the school’s morning program. We provided them papers, pencils, and crayons to let them draw what they feel inside their inner selves. It’s like cracking the ice here and we befriended them, asking about what they want to do when they already left this house. We also guided them to color the right color on the right drawing. In my case, I helped him do that while at the same time guided him to write the correct letters. Actually, there were 2 students per patient and since my sister and I couldn’t speak nor understand Ilonggo very much, it was decided that we separated and have different partners. After an hour of drawing, we switched to playing a game that was loud and funny. We were divided into 2 groups and so were our patients too. During the first game, our group won. Lunch came and finally, we’re able to rest in their huts located within their big grounds. Here, we were able to share one another’s experience. And our CI kept on reminding us to be patient and the effects of drugs as well. Then, we had a few rest and prepared ourselves for the afternoon program. 1 pm came and we’re braced once again to help them have a normal life. We played, laughed, and talked to them as if we were their siblings never minding our status in life. We focused on their strong side and aided their weakness. It was really hard for us since we exerted every effort to make them comfortable and feel loved in our presence. We initiated indoor and outdoor games so as to enhance their capability of logical thinking. All these we did while at the same time there was intermission of prayer inside their little chapel.

During our 2nd and last day, we’re already experiencing terrible muscle aches. We laughed on how we had barely slept due to fatigue. As a matter of fact, I was sick during those days since I got a cold but still managed to go on.

The day went better as we were already familiar with them and this time, they’re much friendlier. Talking to us became natural to them already and it seems they can now call us their friends. We continued with our programs and the result was a burst of laughter and happiness. Since it was already the culmination day, we taught them how to make a living through paper folding then designing it to make it a flower. The last hour was spent in giving presents and foods and we even sang for them. We also visited the guy who wasn’t able to join us in his cell. Through a grilled bar, we gave him foods and talked to him. He was quite getting calmer now and we stayed with him till he was back again talking nonsense. He had a flight of ideas as our CI used to say to us and we quietly left him already. Anyways, the last speech was assigned to me and I encouraged them to persevere and keep hoping for the better. And to lead a God fearing life for it’s the only way that’s worth leading through after all.

As we parted, I hoped for the best. That even though we may never see again, I trust that God will do the rest in caring for them. There was a little grotto outside and it was there I entrusted to Our Lady all those who reside there to have a sanctifying life.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary, do thou always assist them. As they recuperate, help them to realize that life is indeed valuable and that God gave wishes it to be sacred all the time! Amen.

My life as a Healthcare Student (September 22, 2010, Wednesday)

2010-09-25T07:35:00.000+08:00

It was partly exhausting and exciting at the same time.

Exhausting since we have to commute almost everyday from Koronadal to GenSan. Sometimes, only getting a few hours of sleep. Plus, having to wear white uniforms, it was difficult. During my first days, it was a mess as I returned home with spots here or there. Gradually, I learned the art of maintaining its spotless e.g. checking first your seat before sitting on and taking care of your bag not to get soiled.

Exciting since I never thought I’d instantly fell in love with nursing. It is quite similar on being a nun - only a bit liberal but has the same essence of forgetting one’s self and learning to put yourself to other souls. What’s more, our teacher was very friendly and can be likened to just an older sister. She eventually became our CI as well. And another thing is that one of the school’s instructors is a long time SSPX traditionalist. This is really a bonus! We’d always greet each other whenever we happened to bumped by each other. Once, she even accompanied us in our lunch and had a chit chat.

Anyways, during our short classroom sessions, we were taught to do vital signs and other nursing duties e.g. handwashing, PPE, and bedmaking to name a few. This curriculum also included other related learning experience and a 5 different exposures so as to allow more real life nursing situation and to enhance the field of study.

Summing it up, this experience left a different kind of sensation to me. It reminded me how blessed I am still to have a life that’s worth calling a good life. It gave me more compassion for the infirm for truly, a sick person need not just warmth but a lending ear to talk to. And lastly, it taught me even more how God is all omnipotent - that in each and every situation, He is there holding and guiding each and every one for His greater honor and glory.

Oh Lord my God, grant that all who seek Thy help earnestly may soon find comfort. Teach us to love the life that Thou hast bestowed on us and to make good on it. Grant that as we journey along the way, the Blessed Virgin will lead us to doing Thy will! Amen.

Back again (September 21, 2010, Tuesday)

2010-09-25T07:32:00.000+08:00

The last months of 2009 and year 2010 turned out as very busy time for me. My brothers did OJT in GenSan while Christmas tide was hanging around at the same time. When January came, I was due (along with my sister) to study Healthcare Services NCII in GenSan. It was to last until the end of March. Then on April, I was burnt out studying the book of Kozier and Erb’s Fundamentals of Nursing. May saw the departure of my eldest brother to Manila; the beginning of Healthcare classes of my other 2 sisters (now they’re preparing for the final test this coming Friday); and my studying of Carl Balita’s nursing review book while at the same time having a part time job (still in GenSan) that lasted till June. July saw me preparing again for another nursing enhancement: Basic IV Therapy in St. Alexius College here in Koronadal City. This month also my brother did another OJT in GenSan till August. Then on September, we were busy again as we prepared for his departure to Manila. And as I was thinking of posting here, I caught a cold and forced me to take a few rest once more. Truly, it left me no time to compose my thoughts till this moment came. Finally, I am slowly recovering and I shall begin to collect those things I want to write here.

Oh my Blessed Virgin Mother, I thank thee for regaining my health again and for giving me the strength to hold on. Please keep me faithful to God till the end! Amen.

The Catholic Phenomenon (September 12, 2009, Saturday)

2009-10-17T06:31:00.001+08:00

Faith without works is dead as St. James admonished in his epistle. And Catholics ought to be the perfect models for every one as the Catholic Church is founded by Christ - the Source of every good. He should be outstanding when it comes to morality and religion. But on the contrary, Catholics these days are the ones who give a far worse model than non-Catholics. It is but a seldom few Catholics who manage to persevere on the true teachings of Our Savior Jesus Christ.

The following article deals about us, Catholics. Written by a Catholic author, it shows how much we Catholics are being wane and lenient. I sometimes asked myself if I am one and if so, how I must fix it the soonest time. I’m now sharing it here for the benefit of my fellow Catholics. In this little way, I hope to awaken a Catholic here or there from a long sleep that’s close to killing the body itself.

My Neighbor

It might startle our confessor if we asked him, “Father, please help me to become a saint.” It might startle us still more if he were to answer, “Who lives next door to you?” No doubt we’d answer that our next-door neighbors were named Jones or Smith or Picklepuss. And we’d wonder what they had to do with our progress in sanctity.

The fact is that too many Catholics - good Catholics, pious Catholics - live a one-sided life. Spiritually one-sided, that is. They are meticulous in avoiding sin, conscientious in prayer, and frequently at Holy Communion. They are engrossed in nurturing a beautiful soul for themselves, but unhappily missing the full implication of the Gospel. They have absorbed well the lesson of the Beatitudes, but they have not balanced that lesson against the Works of Mercy.

The Master was well aware of our human nature’s tendency to selfishness, even in matters of the soul. That is why He hammered away so often at the idea that our attitude toward our neighbor is the true test of our inner health. I am sure that if I had been asked to guess, in advance, how Christ would describe the Last Judgment, I’d have flunked the test completely.

“Come, ye blessed of my Father,” He says, “possess you the kingdom prepared for you.” That much would be easy to guess. It’s on the “becauses” that I’d have tripped up. “Because you were prayerful, and truthful, and chaste; devout, honest and sober.” Something like those would have been my choices. So it is a bit of a shock to listen to Christ’s actual words, especially as they begin to sink in.

“Because I was hungry and you gave Me to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; naked and you clothed Me… as long as you did it to one of these My least brethren, you did it to Me!”

So maybe there would be sense, after all, in our confessor’s question: “Who lives next door to you?” And who lives in the house beyond, and in the house across the street? It would be no escape for us to answer that folks next door are hillbillies; that they are fighting with each other half the time and drunk every Saturday night. It would be no defense to say that they belong to some queer sect called the “Church of the undefiled”; that they hate Catholics and that we don’t want anything to do with them. It wouldn’t be our confessor who would answer us. Christ already has done so: “For if you love them that love you, what reward shall you have? Do not even the publicans do this? And if you salute your brethren only, what do you more? Do not even the heathens do this? Be you therefore perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” It is, to say the least, a bit sobering to realize that my spiritual perfection is going to be measured by my attitude toward the man I can’t stand; toward the woman who always gets in my hair; toward the family who has destroyed the peace of the neighborhood.

It is a hard lesson to learn. To realize that the more unlovable my neighbor is the more all out I must go in my efforts to love him. To knock on the back door of “those awful people” and maybe ask to borrow some little thing (since psychologists say the easiest way to make a friend is to ask a favor, rather than to do one). To break down their reserve, and maybe suspicion, with gentle kindness and unobtrusive love. Finding perhaps in the end that the reason they fight and drink is because they are lonesome in a neighborhood where friends are so hard to make.

The reason it is so painful to us is partly because there’s nothing in it for us. There must be nothing in it for us, nothing except the approval of our Master, and that “Kingdom prepared for us,” of which He speaks.

Too often Catholics approach their non-Catholic neighbors with a predatory eye; they wonder how they can be led into the fold; they are disappointed if they balk at coming to the font. But the love of which Christ is speaking must be disinterested enough to transcend even this selfish (if holy) satisfaction. We shall pray for their conversion, certainly; but even more, we must pray for their salvation. The two things are not always coincidental.

I hope that no one will misunderstand me and think that I am belittling personal piety. To praise the rain does not mean that the sun is thereby condemned. The good-works-only type of religion is as bad as the me-and-God-only type.

I am only saying that a man would be an imbecile to spend hours and money in a gymnasium to build up his muscles, then put them to no other use except to flex them before a mirror for his own enjoyment, especially if his neighbor was being crushed to death beneath a heavy weight.

Who lives next door to me? It is Christ!

I once knew a man who did many things which his friends considered foolish. When they would point the finger of criticism at him, he would answer darkly, “I have my reasons.” So if anyone accuses me of harping too much on this theme of fraternal charity, love for my neighbor, I too shall reply, “I have my reasons.”

One of the reasons stems from the sadness I sometimes feel at the thought of how much more powerfully we could be witnesses to Christ, had we but the charity of Christ. We have allowed our non-Catholic brethren to outstrip us in many things that should be characteristic of Christ’s own. The Anglicans have outdone us in their appreciation of, and love for, the liturgy. The Evangelicals have surpassed us in their reverence for, and knowledge of, the Holy Bible. The Witnesses of Jehovah daily us to shame by the fervor of their apostolic, if mistaken, zeal.

And the Quakers, a numerically small and insignificant body, have become synonymous in America with selfless and dedicated devotion to the poor and unfortunate. If our Catholics had the compassion of our outnumbered Quakers, then the modern pagans might exclaim again, as did those of Rome, “See how these Christians love another!” And Christ might reign among us.

The picture, I know, is not all black. We can look around us at the Catholic orphanages and hospitals and homes for the aged, and the steadily increasing amounts given for the home and foreign missions, and for European relief. But we have allowed our charity to become so institutionalized. As though we could answer the question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” merely by writing a check or dropping a bill in the basket.

A Communist leader once asked the French Dominican, Pere Leow, “Do you mean to tell me that out of all your hearers - who call themselves good Catholics and never dream of missing Mass on Sundays - there would be a single one who would be willing to share his home, if a worker and his family were wandering around this town this very night, without means or shelter?”

That’s almost hitting us below the belt, isn’t it? What would I answer, I wonder, if a man rang my doorbell today, with a wife and a couple of kids by his side? If he said, “Mister, we’ve been evicted and we have no place to go; could you put us up for a couple of days?” Would I answer, “Sure, I’ll sleep on the sofa and you can have my room!” Or would I run to the phone and call the County Welfare to ask what agency I should send them to? Being big-hearted enough, of course, to provide them with carfare to get them to a caseworker’s desk.

Actually, of course, it won’t happen to me. The day has not yet come when a poor man can say with confidence, “I’m sure of getting help here; this is a Catholic family.”

It’s amazing how few of us have ever seen poverty in the raw. Tenements where the rats run across the children’s bed at night. (And there is only one bed, no matter how many children.) Hovel’s where coal is brought in by the bushel, and husbanded like gold. Shacks where the water is hauled in by the bucketful, and heated only for cooking. (“Even if they are poor,” I hear myself saying, “They needn’t be so dirty.”) Main-thoroughfare property is too expensive for tenements and hovels and shacks, so we don’t see them. And if we see them, they aren’t real to us. No one we know lives there.

It’s surprising, too, how few of us have ever fed a poor man - or woman - with our own hands. I don’t mean that we have a passport to Heaven by the mere fact of seating a beggar at our table, or lugging a basket of groceries to that shiftless Jones family. I only mean that Christ - and His Bride, the Church - would tower so visibly over our city streets, if I could but stop feeling complacent.

If only I could stop thinking that Christ came upon earth precisely so that I and my loved ones might relax in the odor of incense and guttering wax, and be clean and secure and sheltered. If only I could remember that no artist has ever dared paint a picture of “The Comfortable Christ.”

—————————————

Oh my Lady, help us to spread thy most holy Name worthily and frequently! Amen

Foolish Heart (August 20, 2009, Thursday)

2009-10-15T14:15:00.000+08:00

Romantic love is the most common favorite topic of the youth these days and to my total amazement, I found out that it’s common as well among fellow traditionalists. I find it so base to talk about because it is most of the time filled with intolerable heartache if not indecency. It’s not that I don’t find any interest on that. After all, I have had a lot of experience on that.

Recently, I learned of a fellow traditionalist’s story of romantic love. He was heartbroken and couldn’t move on. He even shared a “9 Painful Things” which goes on to be (for him) truly painful. I don’t know but it sucks. It sounded equally foolish as well.

Can anyone be as so significant that it can’t be seen on others? Or is it just the emotion that’s dragging oneself beneath the past? Sure, there’s a time for getting over but many years is already sufficient. Dreaming must give way to reality and one must move ahead.

Immaturity is the only thing that keeps the heart enclosed still on that former love. For it cannot be fidelity to the love that’s not already valid. Yes, to continue loving someone who stops loving you is just like chasing the wind when you perfectly know you can’t truly beat it.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize. As a matter of fact, I’ve been through that. But just like in everything, there are stages. And so must be on this game of love.

Romantic love should be rational. There must be commitment but it ceases as well the moment the other one chose to end it. It’s not for us to force someone to love us after all. Otherwise, it isn’t love but selfishness. It must be understood that most of the time, anything that’s not solemnize can never be permanent. The past is there to be a tool for us on the next time around. And risking to love once more is just another trial for simply getting the best.

One needed not be discouraged if he finds nothing constant. For Our Lord is always rich in mercy and will never tempt us beyond our strength. God’s will is not our ways and we must simply strive to be better - while submitting ourselves wholly to our Creator. As St. Augustine rightly puts it: “Evil exists either so that the sinner may convert or that by it the just may be tried.”

Going back to the “9 Painful Things”, I’ve enumerated mine here which I believe are honestly painful. Read on.

9 Painful Things

9. Time flying fast.
8. Knowing too much.
7. Having complicated life.
6. Standing alone.
5. Experiencing wrong principles as right ones.
4. Forgiving worst injuries done to you.
3. Accepting your weakness.
2. Seeing God too much desecrated. and above all…
1. Offending God who had suffered much for you.

Oh Immaculate Heart of Mary, on this month dedicated to thee, I ask that thou shelter those who’re heartbroken. Give them the necessary grace to struggle for the ultimate good! Amen.

Medical Mission 2009 (August 15, 2009, Saturday)

2009-10-14T11:57:00.000+08:00

I grew fond of following the news of ACIM-ASIA’s annual medical mission in this Island. They were on their 3rd year actually and still, it surprises me that more and more medical volunteers are coming from outside the nation to lend a helping hand to our many poor Filipinos here and there.

TB on its final stage, brain deformity, glaucoma hitting on its worst, so many diverse diseases and complicated sickness from one patient to the other with only a limited stack of medicines, one couldn’t help feeling dismay and powerless. It seems the end is here for in every patient, there expresses anguish. Yet it is here where one is needed to be strong. The discovering of a new strength must begin there. A strength that far surpasses the human force. A strength founded upon faith. For the more hopeless it seemed to be, the more we should rely on this strength. Rightly then should we exclaim the authentic words of Our Lord that power is made perfect in infirmity.

But there was something that struck me most on this medical mission. The picture that captivated my heart for the first time ever was that of a child lying on his bed with the priest before him praying. The child was comfortably sleeping like the usual thing we see on TVs or photo albums. Or so I thought… But as I read the screen tip afterwards, I was mistaken. The child was on his way to eternity and the priest was there to administer the Last Sacrament and aid the soul departing form the body.

How could such a child of tender age happily accept his unfortunate situation? It seems to me that he didn’t show any discomfort outwardly for even on his last hours, he managed to slightly curl himself sweetly and with one outstretched hand full of loving gesture. Picture’s worth a thousand words and how I wish to imitate this child when my time approaches! I could only thank the there was a priest right away.

Anyways, compassion is always at the heart of this mission. Charity knows no bounds and even if there were lots of misunderstanding among the volunteers themselves, I’m sure they found a way of making truce with one another to keep the mission on-going. The presence of the priests, nuns, and pre-postulants made things run even smoothly for they had provided the spiritual side of life. It is the backbone of the mission wherein one rushes to sustain themselves form exhaustion - doctor or patient alike.

Perhaps this is the main reason why I always felt a great interest ever since this mission was started. Here you see the world unmasked from the false notion that everything is fine. Hunger, ailments, and poverty in the physical and spiritual sense are prevalent. It calls for mercy. And it is an everyday challenge to face the oddest with full of calmness and courageousness. Yes, even the ability to be great yet humble for the meek. Indeed, only the bravest can respond to this plea. And this, I saw on them.

Oh my Lady, on this feast of thine ascending to Heaven, teach us to have a firm conviction of loving God with thee. That in the end, we may be like unto thee who assumed into Heaven spotless and clean! Amen.

Falling and Rising (July 27, 2009, Monday)

2009-08-11T12:10:00.001+08:00

The death of a loved one, getting low grades, or having an accident are all considered a big loss. Well, who wouldn’t?

It is something that cannot be naively forgotten. The word disgrace may be the right term and for most people, it cannot be remedied already. It is there like a wound that can’t be healed. Thus, some sink into desperation, others couldn’t recover, and worst of all, some commit suicide to end the misery that the human body is experiencing.

Our human intellect is mostly governed by the mere senses we easily grasp. And sometimes, it is unfortunately hampered to ponder over and deeper the meaning of life. Nowadays, people are beset on mulling less of what truly matters most and more of what the flagrant passion desires. Human weakness and native blindness is sadly and closely suffocating the people all around.

Indeed, I may be one of them. Finding myself stumbling from the same awkward situation, I thought of simply forgetting all good habits I’ve developed. It’s useless since I couldn’t sustain it. After all, it’s a lot easier to remain falling rather than rising up again for it requires a greater effort more than one had maintained.

Time and time again, conscience - or more explicitly - the soul is telling us to be better. That if we can’t run, then perhaps we can walk. And if we can’t walk, perhaps we should crawl. Getting back to stage 1 like a baby who’s learning to stand by himself may be an irony for those who’ve reached incredible heights on achieving things. But it is there where one can find out how to proceed on acquiring better virtues.

The nerve to move ahead despite difficulties should remind us of Our Lord’s passion. For just as He continued His way to Calvary, so should we tread this painful world. Sinless that He is, He chose to suffer for mankind. How much more of us who are immense sinners?

Losing a battle should be a lesson to be taken seriously. Success can never be without failure. For when one constantly wins, the tendency to stop from attaining worthier merits is likely to occur. A scar may remain in each plummet but it doesn’t really matter if one thinks that it’s there as a memento to avoid such fateful mishap.

Like a pencil that needs to be sharpened when it’s already worn out, so should be that person tumbling from a momentous climb. There should the person begin to write in a new page with vivacity and brighter strokes. Contemplating always in mind Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin would make it even brilliant for They had already set an example. As a matter of fact, it is only up to us to follow with all humility and perfect submission.

Oh Blessed Virgin, do thou always assist me. Grant that on my every fall, I may rise one step closer to thee and God! Amen.

MJ and My Sister (July 13, 2009, Monday)

2009-08-11T12:09:00.000+08:00

Just a few days from now, my sister would be celebrating her birthday. Ironically, it is the day that the annual local festivity here would end - and I believe - with such a wild activity. I guess the only consolation from that are the awesome fireworks to be held at night as a farewell ceremony.

Michael Jackson had been my sister’s inspiration for quite a long time now. Most of the time I see her buried with her MJ projects - from website to essay. I kept wondering what will happen to her if suddenly Michael would be gone away. And unexpectedly, it came very soon.

When the news reached my sister of his sudden death, I couldn’t believe her actions. The moment after was like a nightmare. She was crying and almost panting, she said she believed it to be true. At first, I was skeptical and it was the following Wednesday that I was convinced when I glanced from the local newspaper stating that he passed away.

Dreadfully, I felt like my sister’s world was shattered. And no matter how much I express my sympathy, she was still lacking vigor from time to time. As she asked for my prayers for the repose of his soul, I was rather bent on praying for her than him.

I don’t know why my sister ever liked MJ. He was weird and his style was exotic. His life was wrapped up with full of curiosity and mystery that one can naturally consider him dangerous. He even got albums entitled Bad and Dangerous and such were enough reasons to deem him a bad influence for souls. I tried my best to dissuade her from admiring him but she’s unmovable.

As a person who always thinks positive, I sometimes asked her to tell more about MJ. You bet, she was never out of words for him and even to the point that I had to cut off our conversation due to day’s work or night’s bedtime. From there, I learned of his charitable works for the maimed and abandoned and of how he made orphaned children happy by his mere jovial presence.

Indeed, he may be a good guy. Perhaps my sister was right that somewhere beneath, Michael had a good heart that is quite unnoticeable by the average person. He wished evil to no one yet many people loved to pin him down. He was rather a person whose character cannot be easily judged for even though he got an out of this world get up, he managed to care for his children and be a good father still. Thereupon, Our Lord’s words rang on my mind that “Judge not, that you may not be judged” and that “the publicans and the harlots shall go into the kingdom of God before you.”

It sucks to know that my sister would be celebrating her natal day with MJ on the grave. He was her greatest inspiration but she’s all alone now. I just hope she’d get over with it. Prayers work and I’ll never cease believing for brighter days.

I can never be an MJ fan for I’ve long abandoned admiring celebrities. I’ve decided it’s best to look up instead on saints and the Blessed Virgin as role models. But as for Michael, he had influenced my sister to have a meaning in her life and I simply couldn’t be ungrateful for that.

Somebody gave MJ a rose. I may never have a chance to throw flowers on his tomb but offering Masses for his soul is the worthiest of all. And this I will always do in gratitude for the many things he did that had touched my sister - creating in her a better way of life.

Eternal rest grant unto Michael’s soul, oh Lord. And let your perpetual help shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen. Oh Blessed Virgin, meet his soul in pity!

A Unique Privilege (July 11, 2009, Saturday)

2009-08-11T12:08:00.001+08:00

The first Sunday of July was blessed to have 3 SSPX brothers present in the usual Mass schedule early morning. All of them originated from our lowly chapel and were actually spending their vacations. And upon entering the chapel, to my great astonishment, I found the 4 religious consecrated men - the other one was the visiting priest - singing the Divine Office inside the house which was adjacent to the chapel.

It had reminded me of our initial visit to a traditional Catholic Church. Our Lady of Victories Church was serene, elegant and clean. 3 priests and 2 brothers were praying in the elevated place which was especially built for them in the sanctuary. Then the brother clapped and all arose, made the Sign of the Cross, and started chanting the Divine Office. I was captivated and completely spellbound noticing their exceptional politeness and interior disposition. For the first time ever, I felt like I was in the company of saints uttering praises to the Triune God.

It left me with a desire to observe them even more and admiring their melodious voices, I stopped my prayers and followed them by heart. As days passed by and we heard Mass there on Sundays, I began realizing that there was no rank or superiority when it comes to praying the Office. I remember seeing the district superior and the prior choose the insignificant position never minding the younger priest to take the lead. Humility had been instilled on them and it is true to say that it reveals the sublime character of souls.

Such were the wonderful memories that reveled on my mind as I listen to them repeating exactly those words I heard sang 8 years ago. Their harmonious voices may be faint as the faithful were already reciting the Rosary but I was still glad to experience it once more. It is a rare incident to occur here and those edifying actions were the ones I long missed. I yearned for it to resuscitate me from this sinking world and having the unique privilege to behold it again, I was certain Our Lord is beseeching me to imitate those beautiful virtues and breathe the purer air that enfolds the religious life.

Oh Lord my God, grant me to love Thy ways. Strengthen my resolve not to offend Thee any longer so that Thou wilt always find a dwelling in my heart! Amen.

Learning a Lesson (July 6, 2009, Monday)

2009-08-11T12:07:00.002+08:00

Last week I got a cold and I knew right from the start that God is admonishing me once more to retrace back my life.

That forced me to think twice. For the last time I fell sick, I thought I had made enough resolutions to be better next time. I respected the days and nights as God has designed it to be and quitted my being workaholic. I refrained from beating the time and made it sure that I never skipped lunch anymore. Yet here I am suffering the same illness.

Indeed, it’s not about staying fit. The previous weeks found me engaging on much idle talk that I recognized something’s wrong going on. It was full of nonsense, really, but I cared less and tried to ignore my senses. Simply put, I’m beginning to become worldlier that somehow Our Lord was pleased to strike me with a congested running nose combined with a slight headache and irritable throat.

But that doesn’t mean I was totally forgetting God. For even when I’m having ailment, I must admit I was successful in finishing my daily prayers albeit imperfectly. Rather, it’s more of neglecting to observe silence as much as possible so as to make space for mental prayer in order for my soul to be further sanctified. I was too much drawn already by petty conversations that aren’t even worth talking about disregarding at the same time His majestic presence that was supposed to be with me all around.

It was dreadful for me to comprehend that I had become lax with my religious endeavors. That despite my conscience warning me, I remained deaf all those times. I thought killing one’s conscience is something I couldn’t possibly do. And I never knew how a lot of people bear doing it till I found myself exactly on that same plane. I felt embarrassed. Does this the legacy I truly want the world to see in me?

Sadly, I learned it the hard way. Yet I won’t stop from there. It’s the art of learning continuously for His glory and our benefit. Now that I’m recuperating, I better get a balanced outlook. I must learn to avoid such trifling activities and be a wholesome person still - ever recalling to mind to be as religious as I can.

Oh Immaculate Mother of God, teach me thy prudence. Grant me a profound understanding of God’s will - thus making me closer to thee and my Redeemer! Amen.

My Most Cherished Person (June 29, 2009, Monday)

2009-08-11T12:06:00.000+08:00

Today’s something I cherished as 2 Filipino SSPX priests are celebrating their priesthood anniversaries. Sts. Peter and Paul must have been really enjoying their day in Heaven to see many fervent priests sacrificing their lives to continue what they had begun 2000 years ago.

Cherishing this day is the same way as I’ve treasured family birthdays and other Church feasts. That is why I thought it befitting to write about something that has long been due. An acquaintance even proposed that I write about it to include on his next book but I simply remained stagnant. I was hesitant for I just couldn’t make up my mind. I may say that almost a year had passed and it was only now I realized I had accidentally denied his noble request. Poor thing… Nevertheless, I sense something still needs to be done that I began collecting my thoughts once again. Finally, this is the moment that I’m going to write about the one whom I cherished most: Mom.

Believe it or not, but it’s Mom whom I deeply love most in this world. People may think otherwise since we have great differences and even up close to clashing debates. But that’s not enough to break my love for her. Because in spite of our being opposites, we still have similarities. Her blood reigns on my veins and I found out that whatever I have came only from her. If ever I did my best, it was only because she taught me how. If ever I was strong, it was because she gave me an example on herself. And if ever I am deeply rooted on the Catholic faith, it was because her basic teachings about God became my cornerstone.

Favoritism is common among parents and Mom isn’t an exemption. Growing up with 5 siblings ahead of me, I was in no better situation. Too many times I experienced that but the more I see it, the more my love outgrows for her. For somewhere along, it has supplied me enough competence and confidence. I remember how a friend once recalled, “No mother thinks ill for her child.” Indeed, that’s how she thinks it best and I can only watch her decision so long as it doesn’t contradict the Faith.

A mother’s love can never be equaled. Of course, (setting aside Our Heavenly Mother) it may have its own imperfections but it’s only there to give the child a chance to acquire a keener understanding of life. For in each misdeed, we can arm ourselves better. And for every unpleasant circumstance, there arises the challenge to improve one’s character.

Such has been the inspirations of Mom. And I felt it more of an intuition than infusion. Even though her not-so-good marriage with Dad hampered the ideal mother I was looking up on her, I’m still dumbfounded on how she squeezed everything just to make both ends meet. It was then I realized that true love consists of not just merely having what one craves. Instead, it’s the combination of like and dislike wherein one can ultimately discern what LOVE really is.

Hence, loving Mom next to God is the thing I’d like to pursue. It’s the next best thing, as the saying goes. She gave me deeds that are both consoling and aching. Most of all, it was her very own self that showed me the various aspects of this life. Small things may be attributed to Mom but it’s already big for those who knew her fully well. I’ve heard a lot of what people say about Mom’s personality but deep down, her heart is still a jewel that’s precious and overwhelming.

Each of us has different stories to tell about our most cherished person in this planet. It can be the one who granted us that stuff we’re dying to have. Or it can be that significant other who yielded us that perfect love we’re searching for. Or still, it can be that folk who never chided us on whatever we do be it good or bad. But as for me, I’d still prefer to choose Mom among the several persons who’ve crossed my life. It was she who led me on the way to discovering the genuine essence of life. And having gone so far as to what I am now, I could only thank her for being simply my wonderful Mom.

Oh Blessed Mother, I thank thee for bestowing to me such a great Mom. Grant me the grace to respect her all the time and may it be written and engraved on my heart that I may never fail to do so! Amen.

Narrow-mindedness (June 23, 2009, Tuesday)

2009-08-11T12:04:00.000+08:00

Most people find it hard to forgive a priest here or there who’ve committed a mistake - whether big or small. I don’t know but perhaps it sprang forth from their dignified office that we easily consider them as saints already.

For my part, I don’t mind seeing their faults as they are still God’s ambassadors. But when news regrettably spread touching the sacred vow of chastity, my heart eventually pounds and I couldn’t but express dismay and disgust. It’s as if every sense of reason is excused from this point of view. Why? Because how come?!? Weren’t the many years spent in the seminary enough to secure their purity? Didn’t they consider soundly the meaning of celibacy and have they forgotten that they accepted it with their very own free will? Didn’t they study well the protocol when it comes to the opposite gender - those encyclicals of great pious popes and the Summa Theologica of St. Thomas? Doesn’t it ring on their minds to cut off - even as abrupt as it should be - any conversation with a female acquaintance whenever an occasion of scandal might likely arise? Zealous or not, I don’t think prudence could be wanting in any ordained priest. Thus, I simply couldn’t reconcile it.

Oh well, the problem with me is that I tend to forget that they are human beings - that even saints were sinners before. This thought went deeper in me that I found myself asking questions that are rather compassionate. Who is it that cleanses our souls in the confessional whenever we sin? Who is there to give God an offering most worthy to appease His anger? And who is there to consecrate the bread and wine into Our Lord’s own Body and Blood so that we may have Him and live? And yet why is it that whenever priests ask the faithful for forgiveness, most of the time it is received with a cold and insulting manner?

It is far easier for us to have the comfort of a priest by our side as it is demanded from their state of duty. That sometimes, even admonitions are sweet to bear due to the priest’s assuring words. But priests, on the other hand, couldn’t expect it from us. Ah, poor priests, if only we know how much they suffer but who would dare listen to their entreaties? Fool that I am, it was only then my narrowed mind stopped criticizing.

I started realizing that every time I abhor them, it is the same as if I haven’t forgiven those who’ve injured me. It’s as if I’m shutting the door of my heart with a sign “Closed: No entry.” How much more if Our Lord was the One knocking and wearied out?

Hence, I began to make a new perceptive. Intriguing as the sound of any tinkling rumor may be, I’m going to try debarring my mind with uncharitable thoughts. Rather, the need for an ever increase of prayer of supplication for the pitied priest’s soul. I’ve come to conclude that it’s wiser to pray Hail Marys in behalf of the unfortunate priest’s soul than attempting to ill-judge the reputation of the one whose character resembles Our Savior and Lord.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mother of God, help me to shun away rash assessment when it comes to this particular defect of thy priests. I ask that thou shelter them in thy Virginal Heart that no evil of impurity may come near them. In their loneliness, grant them not to seek for unchaste pleasure but to find in thee a most splendid love. Grant them always in sanctifying grace and if they unhappily lose it, aid and give them the strength to recover it immediately by a sincere repentance! Amen.

Seizing the Opportunity

2009-04-29T17:34:00.001+08:00

Since my family cut costs last February, I rarely get the advantage to surf the net. That means, I’ve to grab this moment, type quickly, and make the best out of this once in a while luck.

Well, well, it’s April already and it’s my 2nd year here. Many things happened on my life but much as I wanted to post it here, I couldn’t do so for I got a limited time only. The biggest highlight on this month of the Blessed Sacrament, though, was that on Maundy Thursday, my family attended Mass and stayed till midnight to accompany Our Lord reposing on the altar. It was truly edifying to know that all of the family members present went to confession that day. Alas, what could be more pleasing to Our Lord than receiving these 2 Sacraments frequently and worthily!

In his sermon, the visiting priest explicitly reminded the faithful to constantly fix their minds towards Our Lord’s suffering on the Cross – without which Heaven’s gate wouldn’t be opened and thus our eternal misery. May I never lose sight of this wonderful redemption so that I would be slow in sinning and advance in sanctity.

Oh Blessed Virgin, grant our souls always pleasing to thee and thy Son that Thou would ever dwell in us! Amen.

Tragic death of 3 SSPX Seminarians

2009-02-16T10:11:00.016+08:00

I didn’t know that the next blog I’d be writing here is about tragedy. Sure, life has so many unexpected circumstances, but this one was terribly different. In fact, it was like a sword wounding my heart that would take time to heal its course.

Truly, I was shocked to hear the news from Fr. Dolotina that 3 seminarians met a tragic death as an avalanche glided over them. They were actually 4 but luckily, one survived. Their bodies were already found save for one.

It was the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes and 7 young seminarians from Econe headed off for the Seminary’s usual afternoon activity. Their excursion was set on a snow-filled mountain and Misters Jean-Baptiste Despres, Raymond Guérin and Mickaël Sabak didn’t know that it would be the last place they’d be treading here on earth. All of them were French and perhaps this is why I was deeply affected. French people are the ones I considered as most pious of all nationals producing numerous beautiful saints. Among them was my favorite and patron saint, St. Joan of Arc. One could also think that His Grace Archbishop Lefebvre was also French.

I kept pondering about that incident and the more I researched for it on the net, the more I became grieved and dumbfounded. One could ask why such a thing befell the SSPX. Were they not worthy enough to appease God’s anger that He took 3 noble men out from them? It is life that was taken and absolutely, no amount of money nor any kind of thing that would surmount such a precious life. But considering very carefully, the Society is still on the right track, albeit imperfection may sometimes arise here or there. No. This is simply yet another smile from Divine Providence, as Bp. Fellay rightly puts it in one of his many conferences.

Who knows - Our Lord is sparing them from much tribulation that would arise or rather from a much fatal accident? I might say that those 3 were already prepared to enter eternity and it can serve as an anecdote to the remaining 4 to always consider death as just around the corner. Their death can also be a sacrifice for this impure world, purging away the sins of humanity that this planet would still be a footstool of God.

But far from hypothesizing anything, let us look for what Holy Mother Church teaches us. They have already entered eternity and we should all the more pray for their souls. It’s indeed a great loss and I sympathize with the Despres, Guerins, and Sabaks. Like I said on one traditional Catholic forum, my greatest consolation was that they died on the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes. Our Lady would surely intercede for their benevolent souls who had ardently wished to be an alter Christus someday.

Oh Blessed Lady of Lourdes, grant them eternal bliss with thee and thy Son. Do thou comfort as well their immediate families they’ve left on earth that they persevere still in the Catholic faith amidst stricken loss of their amiable sons and brothers’ lives! Amen.

Let me end here with the letter of the SSPX District Superior for France Fr. Cacqueray and a poem.

12 February 2009

Dear Faithful,
Dear Friends,

We have a deep sorrow to inform you of the accidental death, which occurred during a walk in the mountains yesterday 11 February, three members of the Fraternity of Saint Pius X, Messieurs the abbots Després Jean-Baptiste, Raymond Guérin and Mickaël Sabak All three third-year students in the seminar of Econ.

We recommend that your prayers the repose of their souls and their families so severely affected by this tragedy. A Requiem Mass will be celebrated in their intentions in each house district.

Ask Our Lady of Lourdes, the feast at which the accident occurred, soon to welcome in the glory of heaven our three young Levites to extend the heavenly family members of the fraternity. Ask him to console their families so deeply affected by such a test.

We also recommend to your prayers our fraternity itself sorely tested well in this circumstance.

As soon as we can, we'll give you information about the funeral of our three seminarians.

I request you to accept, dear faithful, dear friends, the expression of my priestly dedication in the Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary,

Rev. Régis de Cacqueray

And the poem...

Priez pour moi

Le jour où je ne suis plus là
Je ne vais pas vous demander de ne pas les soins
mais il ya certaines choses que je ne veux pas
pour vous de faire quand je suis allé

Ne pas lancer une partie en mon nom
ne pleure pas trop longtemps car c'est en vain
ne souhaitent pas que je serais bientôt de retour se
il ya plus de vie que seul ce

Ne me laissez pas de cadeaux sur ma tombe
don't hate Celui qui m'a fait quitter
J'avais un commerce, pour chaque Ave rose
Je peux l'utiliser plus que ces

Ne dites pas que ma vie a pris fin
ne pas avoir honte de se déplacer le long de
mais si vous aimé moi ici, mes amis
oh, ne vous m'aider lorsque je suis allé?

Je ne prétends pas, il n'a jamais été
parce que je suis encore en vie quelque part
mais s'il vous plaît ne me pendre sur votre mur
si vous ne priez pour moi, à tous les

Donc, si vous vous occupez de moi mes amis
alors s'il vous plaît ne laissez pas votre prière fin
cause, même si je suis maintenant dans le ciel
quelqu'un d'autre pourrait les utiliser de toute façon

J'ai une lourde dette à payer
avez-vous de l'eau pour ma tombe?
et si vous ne pouvez pas visiter mes os
S'il vous plaît, priez pour moi à partir de votre foyer

Et si vous souhaitez me rendre visite sur la terre
souviens-toi de moi pour ce que ça vaut
parce que je mai de la souffrance jusqu'à ce que je paie
oui, s'il vous plaît ne me laissez pas seul de cette façon

Donc, ne vont pas dans la misère
Et ne pas déplorer ce qui n'a pas pu être
parce que dans heav'n j'espère que nous allons rencontrer
mais d'ici là, il suffit de prier pour moi.

English translation (It was actually written in English but I decided to put it in French first as a loving memory for those 3 French seminarians.)

Pray for Me

The day that I'm no longer there
I won't ask you not to care
but there some things I don't want
for you to do when I am gone

Don't throw a party in my name
don't cry too long cause it's in vain
don't wish that I would come right back
there's more to life than only that

Don't leave me gifts upon my grave
don't hate the One that made me leave
I'd trade one Ave for each rose
I can use that more than those

Don't say my life came to an end
don't be ashamed to move along
but if you loved me here, my friends
oh, won't you help me when I'm gone?

Don't pretend I was never there
because I'm still alive somewhere
but please don't hang me on your wall
if you won't pray for me at all

So if you care for me my friends
then please don't let your praying end
cause even if I'm in heaven now
someone else could use them anyhow

I've got a heavy debt to pay
have you any water for my grave?
and if you can't visit my bones
please pray for me right from your homes

And if you'd visit me on earth
remember me for what it's worth
cause I may be suffering till I pay
so, please don't leave me alone that way

So don't go on in misery
And don't lament what couldn't be
because in heav'n I hope we'll meet
but until then, just pray for me.

A Valentine Treat

2009-02-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

Heart-love month is already around the corner and people of every race are once more thinking of that special date - February 14.

I remember last year, if I wasn’t mistaken, how (in my case) it was spent. The day was indeed sunny and bright until dinner, when I had an argument with my sister. Well, it was a heated debate but it suddenly struck my mind that it was Valentine’s Day. I had thought of it when I woke up early morning and greeted Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin a Happy Valentine and told myself I’d spent it reverently for Them. Now, I’m engaged on clashing intense words with my sister??? It changed my mind and for an instance I kept my mouth shut - letting my sister talk on until it ended. That moment, I asked Our Lord’s forgiveness and as I headed for bedtime, I was completely grieved on my behavior. I fell asleep with that thing on mind.

I decided to be better this time. (Who doesn’t want to be better, anyway?) Actually, I do feel it’d be better for on that date, the visiting priest would come to officiate Mass in our vicinity. I feel fortunate enough to know it and hopefully the day would be all lit up glowed with God’s awesome LOVE.

Whatever one’s routine would be on February 14, I hope everybody would make it a point to salute Our Lord and the Blessed Virgin a “Happy Valentine”. After all, Valentine’s is meant for love and to love. And who could be worthier to love than those Two Who loved us first - even before our creation? I’m not saying that couples and sweethearts should be discredited on this date but rather each should all be tied up with a pious attitude. It’s about loving God and the significant other harmoniously with a sacred desire.

Let us strive to be always near to the sweetest Hearts of all hearts - and whenever possible to receive the Sacraments on this beautiful date. For it is there that They dispense Their greatest love for us. Oh, if one would only know how to make a real Valentine treat! A Valentine lavished with incessant LOVE where there is no guile but instead combined with mystical and luscious air.

Oh Hearts of Jesus and Mary, grant us an exquisite and momentous Valentine by molding our hearts like unto Thee forever! Amen.

Time to Rejoice!

2009-02-05T06:25:00.001+08:00

January 21st was certainly a great event for the SSPX. For on the feast of the Roman virgin-martyr St. Agnes, Rome proclaimed and issued a decree that the excommunication was null and void. I believe it’s not only those who’re attached to Tradition that should rejoice but the whole Catholic Church as well for it is the beginning of a new and genuine life replacing the poisonous and almost dead Catholicism nowadays.

It is definitely worth to cite Bp. Williamson’s remark on this account. How can the SSPX not rejoice in the opportunity to lay out in Rome, before the Roman authorities themselves, the profound doctrinal reasons which we believe to be at the root of the Church's present distress? Woe unto us Catholics of Tradition if we were not ready to give reason for that hope which is in us for the rescue of the Church!

Finally, no bishop from the hierarchy can dare accuse us, SSPX faithful, as excommunicated or schismatic. Gone are the days of harsh libels by those who’re in authority for Vatican had already spoken.

Such is yet another tremendous gift from Heaven sent (of course) through the loving hands of Our Lady. Those Rosaries that we had pledged to her certainly didn’t go unheard for it was unceasingly round-the-clock. Hence, all of us should indeed return gratitude to her. A gratitude that’s worthy and not simply passing by. I guess all of us know what it means to give laudably and it’s not really exaggerating.

I consider it was also bestowed to the SSPX for their firm resolve to love God above all else - cost what may, and their authentic love to the Blessed Virgin. In everywhere you go, whether in sermon or in confession, in preaching or in casual talk, the Holy Name of the Virgin is always expounded.

Nonetheless, now that we have a door to Rome doesn’t mean that everything is fine. It’s not about shaking hands and saying it’s over. Rather, it’s about shaking hands and saying let’s talk about the real issues why the Catholic Church is going down and almost sinking. Hence, we should continue praying to the Virgin Mother of God as Bp. Fellay quoted in his parting words to the faithful: we now ask from her the necessary doctrinal clarifications which confused souls so much need.

Oh Blessed Mother, teach us, humility that we may ever more perfect thy Son’s teaching that whosoever therefore shall humble as this little child, he shall be greater in the kingdom of heaven! Amen.

Chinese New Year

2009-01-27T14:02:00.002+08:00

Has anyone like hopia than chocolates? If so, then we’re the same! I had long said goodbye to chocolates since I get allergies and had already taken great delights on other sweet delicacies. Among them is the hopia and although I prefer the original mongo-flavored, any flavor would be fine with me so long as it’s vegan. Well, it’s Chinese New Year yesterday and that means hopia and tikoy would be anywhere in any Chinese community. Yummy!

“Kung Hey Fat Choi!” you may hear people say. As a Chinese, I grew up with a lot of its pamahiins (superstitions) but it never really created a big impact on me as my family, thanks to my Mom, are devout Catholics. I do enjoy feasting on Chinese cuisines but I always shrug off the “lucky charms” here or there. Sure, there’s no problem giving/accepting the red envelope called “ampao” so long as people don’t take it as something “good luck”.

Exactly, it’s just a matter of celebrating since we’re Chinese. If I was born Indian, then I’d celebrate their festivities and the same goes on whatever nationality it may be, but always minus those that are against the Catholic faith. Personally, I don’t see any harm on rejoicing since it was God after all Who created different races. It’s merely a matter of being distinct and every person should be grateful on his/her ethnicity. I’m indeed glad to have Chinese blood running in my veins, but I’m a lot gladder that I was born Catholic.

Perhaps most Chinese would disagree with me here. But then again, if one looks very sensibly, it’s truly God Who holds fortune. And it’s not just money that people are born for. True happiness consists of having inner peace with God in the Catholic faith and it is felt deeper in the soul than in the body. It’s about getting over with whatever materialism can buy and looking beyond on spiritual riches that never gets bankrupt or lost for it’s managed by the One Who is our everything!

“Kung Hey Fat Choi!” but hey, always without those attached superstitions! I pray that all of us would look forward in serving the true Master for we can be assured of unlimited ecstasy more than this world could ever give!

Oh Blessed Virgin, enlighten those who are blinded still by paganism and strengthen those who are converted to the Faith through thy grace and the prayers of the faithful! Amen.

Christmas Season

2009-01-27T13:51:00.004+08:00

It maybe late to divulge this kind of topic but hey, it’s still Christmas according to the teachings of the Catholic Church. It usually concludes on the feast of Purification of Our Lady or on Septuagesima Sunday. Whichever comes first.

Yuletide season never became a hustle-free for our family as Mom always gives a great emphasis on this. We usually prepare beforehand for Christmas day that all of the family members are truly busy when December hits the calendar.

December 1: Inspecting of Christmas lights. Arranging and reusing then replacing the burnt bulbs. My two brothers were expert when it comes to electrical stuffs and so they’re the ones who fixed it.

December 10: Christmas shopping for Mom - from foods to gifts. Also, throughout the month, Mom never tires of buying Christmas decorations! It sucks since we’re the ones who install it and mind you, not just once! It could be twice or thrice according to what best suits her!!!

December 15/16: Making of Christmas lanterns. It would actually be finished just before the day of hanging it up. The 2 lanterns were a bit unique this time since it got Chinese balls instead of its traditional tassels.

December 22/23: Decors! It’s decking-the-home day! We set up the tree, the garlands and lights everywhere. Then at the background is the Christmas music of Jose Mari Chan and Carpenters. We also had a Santa and reindeers frame that was hung up the kitchen’s cupboard. Just a reminder: on the 23rd was a fast and abstinence day. It was indeed an extra effort to work with hungry stomachs!

December 24: Day of cooking for the Noche Buena. As vegans, we had spaghetti without cheese (it still tasted delicious!) and siopao that’s completely vegan as well. I didn’t eat, actually, since I don’t feel like celebrating without Midnight Mass.

December 25: Christmas day! Finally, we’re able to enjoy our hardships - seeing those Christmas decors here or there that’s well positioned. Mom went to St. Elizabeth hospital’s Chapel at GenSan and was accompanied by my eldest brother. The rest of us stayed at home celebrating in a simple yet delightful way. My 3rd sister decided to download “Give love on Christmas day” by Michael Jackson on YouTube while the other 3 remaining watched movie videos of “Alexander” and “Titanic”. As for me, well, you bet, I just prayed. Anyways, that doesn’t mean my siblings didn’t’ pray. We had our usual community prayers still.

At night, the family was already complete (save Dad who couldn’t come) and we watched “A Holiday for Love” and “Home Alone”.

December 27: Special day for the SSPX as there were priesthood ordinations at Holy Cross Seminary, Australia. It was also significant for the Philippines as 3 Filipinos were ordained on this very same date. I offered my other 2 Rosaries for them. One was for the ordinands and the second was for those who’re celebrating their priesthood anniversaries. Oh St. John the Apostle, do thou make them always sanctified that they be faithful to their sacred priesthood!

December 28: Got the email of Fr. Saa dated December 24. he wished us, the recipients, a very blessed Christmas and New Year and included us on his Midnight Mass. Father is in far away Zimbabwe and too bad I couldn’t reply thanks. Hope someday… or perhaps he’d get to read this. So, here it goes. Thanks a lot for remembering us. It really consoled me! Be assured of my continued prayers for you, Father! May Our Lady always assist you in being faithful to your sublime vocation!

December 30: On the evening, we toured Koronadal for the Christmas lights. Wonderful but not as awesome as last year. Anyhow, it’s great to see that the people still lit up despite the global financial crisis.

December 31: Last day of the year. Mom bought varieties of fruits as it’s a Chinese tradition and we also had pancit bihon (vermicelli noodles) for dinner. We watched “Pacifier” and “Sound of Music”. On the midnight, there were fireworks and noise around the city. I was half-asleep already but Mom woke us up for the usual recital of the Rosary. I could barely catch up, even though I was sitting, since I was exhausted during the day.

January 1: Voila 2009! The year welcomed me with a not-so-good health as I got a bad throat this morning. I told you - I wasn’t feeling well! But, the celebration must continue on. We re-watched the “Sound of Music” during the day.

January 3: My first Mass of the year. I felt so relieved now that I could unburden my life’s joys and pains with my Savior at Holy Communion. In his sermon, Father explained the necessity of being always in the state of grace most especially now that we’re yet on another year - making us older and older.

January 6: Feast of Epiphany. This is the day when we opened our gifts and behold! It was so cute and I never thought Mom would give us that - a stuffed pig doll dressed in pink! My brothers had a gold piggy bank as theirs. Now, those piggies sit, play and sleep at our beds while my brothers’ stay at their room on top of the cabinet.

On the evening, once more, we watched movies. “Hudson Hawk” on cable and “The Christmas Wish” on video. In my experience, watching sprees are one of the major obstacles in attaining sanctity. It distracts my soul in prayer and makes me forgetful in contemplating of God’s ultimate love for me - in the sense that I feel lost and devastated every time. Yet, as a family member, I must yield to it. My greatest consolation is St. Paul’s word that "...if I should have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing."

January 7: Bringing down of all Christmas decors. It’s so easy pulling it down and yet it took us the whole 2 weeks (or more) just to prepare it. Wow! Anyway, we’ll see them 11 months from now.

Thus, our Christmas officially ended. We’re back to our usual routine and austerity measures but somehow, we still carry the spirit of Christmas in us. Like I said, it’s still Christmas! We get to sing Christmas songs every now and then and one of my favorites is the “12 days of Christmas”. It is because it got a spiritual value. The “partridge in a pear tree” is actually the Divine Babe. Oh, how sweet indeed!

2009 is here. Time to be a better daughter of God. As Father advised, if we didn’t make it good last year, now is the year to improve our souls’ status with Our Lord. People may feel weaker this year, as he also said, and I admit I’m one of those. But we got to be braver for His sake. Not only braver, but humbler and ever patient while at the same time, imitating our Blessed Mother.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary, do keep us near thee that we may better serve thy Son. Mold us to be a true follower of Our Lord and hence, meriting for us, eternal bliss! Amen.

Reason for Everything

2009-01-23T14:30:00.000+08:00

It’s been more than half a year already since I last posted here. I don’t know but things got even far complicated than I had expected that somehow I found myself stuck.

Admittedly, my life has more downs than ups and I’m content at it. But much deeper had I felt before that I suddenly lost my pleasure on writing here.

Last July, I made a decisive moment by moving out from parental home without my family’s knowledge. I opted that way for I certainly know they wouldn’t allow me to try religious life without Mom’s consent. My family tried everything to persuade me to return until Mrs. Ghela advised me to give it a try. Although I know it wouldn’t work out, I decided to heed her counsel for I always wanted to give my family every bit of chance I could possibly see. As a result, my family stopped from hearing Mass - albeit dismayed, forbids me to send emails etc, and I became the subject of contempt.

6 months had passed and still there’s quarrel from time to time. I stood alone and firm and never gave up though I still ask myself why all these are happening when I had been careful enough to seek His will through His priests. I got no one to turn to save prayer. Deep inside, I cried for Heaven to answer my anguish. Till at last, I heard from Fr. Purdy last Sunday that “there is a reason for everything.” As I walked out after Mass, I kept pondering on what he meant. I realized it was Our Lord speaking on his voice and I was thoroughly convinced that everything is still under God’s noblest hands.

Those words may be indeed curt for a simple faithful like me yet it has also a sweet and divine connotation for someone who’s searching for God’s way in his/her everyday life. Those few lines were like a spark infused in my blood that regained back the pulse of my heart to get over with the past and keep moving ahead.

Indeed, it’s not for me to understand fully His ways but it requires that I be constant to Him. To do otherwise means to doubt my faith on Him Who did everything out of love for me.

Too many controversies had crossed my life and I honestly don’t feel good about it. I thought of hiding away and yet I could never really live without my God in the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist. I am very weak and fragile and all the more I need His divine assistance to sustain me.

“There is a reason for everything,” and as I face yet another wrangling in my life, I better cling to those profound words and keep praying that I be faithful to His commands.

Oh my Lady, no prayer is more effective than with thy blessed name. Hence, here I am, once more pleading for thy intercession. Grant that I may have calmness in confusion and happiness in suffering. Teach me to accept humiliations and to forgive quickly in as much as thy Son did. Instruct me also to know and love true humility as thou and thy Son always revealed in Thine earthly lives! Amen

Rainbow

2008-06-21T07:30:00.000+08:00

Just few days ago, I saw a rainbow in the window and it’s really awesome. This time it’s sort of perfect as it got a bow from end to end. Oh my, it’s so breathtaking and it’s such a pity that it only lasted for a couple of minutes since sunset’s already coming. Well, the rainbow’s very much my life. It got a wide variety of color and not all are interesting but if you piece them together, you got a wonderful array of colors. I find myself pondering on my life on that occasion.

How’s my life? with God most especially? Am I really doing His will? Time and time again, I’ve always said, I’m going to make this and that for God but I never really do. It sucks. Now, I feel like stuck on a glue trying to lift off but with no avail. I made certain goals to attain sanctity in life but with my current life nowadays, I find myself deviating from that. It’s not funny nor something to be taken for granted. I must retrace back my life before it’s too late.

The weather isn’t good here and I got caught with cold. I don’t feel any better but perhaps, this is the time for me to recollect about my life. Indeed, I’ve been busy pleasing anybody save God - my greatest Benefactor. I didn’t know how far I’ve been through that until my body got this sickness. Fortunately, my body temperature is pretty normal.

As I move on, I still think of the rainbow. It happens only once in a while but it never fails to show up. Emitting brighter rays, the rainbow can still be a mirror of my life. Like I said above, it can be of any color but I’m always grateful that God bestows happiness after any ill effect of my life.

Oh, Lord my God, heal me from my infirmity. But grant also that my recovery would be a new life for me that I may serve Thee even more faithfully! Oh my Blessed Mother, have compassion upon thy daughter! Never let me sink into any sin and grant me the grace of patience that I may carry my sickness with a joyful heart!

First Year

2008-04-30T06:13:00.000+08:00

My blog is a year old now and looking back, it’s still amazing how I came to create this. Well, my first post here is about a Hollywood actor’s forum page I made somewhere. Now, it’s so silly how I fool myself about it. I know it’s not edifying and finally I’ve the courage to say goodbye to that. Rather, let me invite you in this newly created traditional Catholic forum: http://sancte-vivere-forum.heavenforum.com/index.htm

Many things had happened to my life this month and I wish to narrate it here but I’m still busy as usual. I hope to be back here soon when I got more time. Nevertheless, here’s one major incident.

This month of the Holy Eucharist, I’m glad to expound that I was able to receive my God twice! Yes, Mom’s finally back in hearing the Traditional Latin Mass and hopefully it’d continue forever. "We all need to be close to Him - the Source of all graces and blessings," so said one SSPX priest upon learning of Mom’s return in receiving the Sacraments frequently. True enough, there’s no cross that heavy with Him, no happiness that blissful without Him Who redeemed us, and lastly no temptation that enticing with Him Who was conceived by a Virgin.

I’d finally reiterate to everyone to confide their woes and joys to the Immaculate Lady. She’s always waiting for us to come near her and ever much ready to assist us with her sublime prerogatives. If only we know how to ask God abundant graces, then we’d always unite our will to His Daughter’s for she’s been full of grace ever since!

Oh my Blessed Virgin, to thee do I’ve recourse. Help me and guide me as I tread this world that I may always be an instrument of God and that my joy would be full! Amen.

My Roller Coaster Life

2008-03-29T06:19:00.000+08:00

Mom’s not feeling well and she’s on and off with her doctors (nephro, pulmo, cardio, derma). She’s having complicated side effects due to many drugs that her skin is now affected. She always complains of headache, hardness of breathing, itchiness, and many other different muscle pains. Doctors are sort of giving up for her bodily movements say otherwise. I think it’s safe to say it’s the devil only.

It’s honestly breaking my heart to see her that way. She travels 5 hours just to go to Davao for her doctors and then another 5 hours to return home. Her body definitely needs rest but unfortunately, she’s not content with the South Cotabato doctors. I try my best in consoling her and I limit her negative emotional feelings as much as I can. One of her greatest anxieties, though, is her continuous argument with Dad.

I’ve been pleading to God and the Blessed Virgin to heal her but only when she’s fully converted to Catholic Tradition. I thought of changing my intention but then again, I know it is the right intention. I’ve had enough of battling with the loneliness that Mom creates and I’m really getting exhausted. Hope I’d be able to overcome this and help my siblings think the right way. That it is trying times once again but the need to hold on. This is still God’s will.

Oh Blessed Virgin, my Mother, comfort Mom and please let her realize her mistake. May it never be too late for repentance and please do not make her an obstinate sinner. Oh Most Pure Lady, keep me spotless from this world despite every uphill of my miseries here on earth! Amen.

Getting To Appreciate Things

2008-01-29T18:16:00.000+08:00

Recently, my family switched from reading PDI newspaper to Philippine Star newspaper. Actually, I couldn’t just imagine on what good I would ever get to read from there. It’s so dull plus a bit clichéd. And unlike the PDI, I hardly know their writers and editors. I was still skeptical about it when Mom brought another one last week.

So, I skimped through the papers and found their usual unattractive style. I thought of reading some articles with interesting titles until I glimpsed the caption: “What would Jesus do?”. At first sight, one thing that crossed my mind is that the author is Protestant as the illustration on his article portrayed a laughing Christ with an apple and a book under it on His hand. Well, the picture had an impression of a Protestant look and so I decided to read it last. His views might probably be anti- Catholic.

I finally came there and as I read on the few paragraphs, I realized I was mistaken. He is a Catholic. Comforted to know that, I read it with great enthusiasm. He was talking about patience and even more patience. That on every negative thing he happened to face, he’d ask himself: What would Jesus do in my position?

It was a good thing that there’s still a Catholic who still think the right thinking. And that he’s not ashamed to write about it publicly in an almost godless newspaper.

Anyway, Lent is coming already and we need to practice mortification and patience. Time to accept more humiliation with discretion. It’s really a good exercise for each and everyone to ponder this: If our Lord Jesus Christ Whose spotless was beaten and insulted with so much hatred and yet patiently accepted it, how much more should I - a poor wretched sinner - not accept it with a resigned heart? God knows everything and sees that it’s better for us to have this or that kind of trials.

Last Sunday’s epistle ended with: My grace is sufficient for thee: for power is perfected in weakness. Gladly, therefore, will I glory in mine infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Indeed, He would never leave us provided that we ask His guidance through the loving intercession of our Blessed Virgin Mary.

Christmas Carol

2007-12-31T14:48:00.000+08:00

It may be late for yuletide caroling but yesterday night, the Apostles of Mary (a traditionalist Catholic youth group founded by the SSPX exclusively for the youths in the Philippines) came to do carols. The intention was to raise funds for their coming formation sessions next year in Bohol. I personally dislike that kind of activity. I’d rather attend many Ignatian retreats and get a lot of inspirations and strong spirituality formation there than spend it on those formation sessions. But then, people’s metabolism is not always the same. Some would be inspired through constant activities while some are inspired through meditations and sermons. That’s me on the latter while I guess the majority of people falls on the first definition. And perhaps, that’s what the Apostles are catering.

Anyways, when they arrived, I found out they’re still numbering in 8. Yup, this isn’t their first time but their 2nd already. Most of them aren’t from the group but they decided to come along to help cheering the voices up. 6 were young men including the Captain of the Koronodal’s San Miguel Clan while 3 were girls who’re still aspirants for the group, I guess.

I truly appreciate their voices. It was melodious and all together coordinated. It’s as if they did a lot of rehearsing which climaxed in our home. I love most especially when they sang Latin ones but most especially the Ave Maria. Oh my, my heart was leaping for joy as I was hearing that. I couldn’t imagine that they (who’re simple and plain) can, by now, compete with those in the orchestra. The girls weren’t reading anything but they confidently know what they’re voices would be singing when the men sang other parts of the Ave. Simply put, I was thoroughly amazed for the new outlook of the Apostles. They are much more pious. I think credits must go partly to their new chaplain, Fr. Dolotina (himself a former Apostles and now enjoying his 2nd year in the priesthood).

After the singing, they took some photos with their gifts (Mom gave them some snacks). I could see that they’re feeling happy (with their smiling faces) but they just couldn’t express it on words perhaps because of the conflict recently or shyness too. Then Mom gave the money.

But then again, I hear my siblings blaming me (directly or indirectly) for the added expenses. It’s so painful but I learned to accept it with a glad heart already. I denied my emotions and acted as if every insult is passing from one ear to the other.

Now that this is the last day of the year, I wish everyone a meaningful New Year most especially my Dad. I love you, Dad, and wherever you are, may you find God in your heart and peace and happiness still.

As 2008 enters, I’d be more loyal to my New Year’s Resolution and continue hoping that God and the Blessed Virgin would guide my whole life.

Struggling Into Pieces

2007-12-28T14:49:00.000+08:00

Today’s the 4th day of Christmas. Finally, I was able to make it here after more than a month long absence. I honestly love to write here many things about my life but my duties and prayers are always taking most of my time. Add here the season of Christmas - this truly makes a busier and frenzied day for my family.

Holidays are joyful. Yes, that’s the famous saying of Christmas. This Christmas, I’d say things went well. For the first time ever, the weather was sweet (that is, cold) here in Mindanao. It was that weather I’ve been longing for as I was accustomed from my beloved Luzon. We went to the Novus Ordo Cathedral to pay a visit then when evening came, we went to the governor’s office and strolled to see the grandest lights beautifully arrayed there. Aside from our home, it was so magnificent and comparable to Manila based wonder lights there. I could really feel the spirit of Christmas. Indeed, I never had that radiant Christmas experience for quite a long time now.

But things aren’t always merry. Dad isn’t home and my family got mad to me 4 days before Christmas. It was because I decided to receive the Sacraments without their knowing about it. I intentionally did it for I perfectly know they would forbid me. Well, the result was a bit intriguing. The visiting priest corrected me and that I should apologize to Mom. I did on that very night but I guess it’s not enough so I decided to give her a letter this day. I don’t know what she’d feel about it but I’m hoping that she’ll understand. In that letter, I tried explaining in a humblest way my desires and shortcomings too. I told her how much she means to me and I ended in: I love you, Mom, and will forever be! By the way, Mom is in Davao right now doing her medical check up routine.

I’m very much glad that I was able to receive our Lord this month. I’m happier than ever and much apt in suffering gladly. The pains and insults are nothing when I know God is abiding in me. That’s enough to comfort me even if there’s no one in my family who shares the same belief.

Also, I’m thankful that everything went well this Christmas despite the chaos. I’ve been pleading in tears to God that it wouldn’t be spoiled and He granted it. But deep inside, I’m still getting hurt day after day. I couldn’t perfectly understand why God wants me to suffer these awful consequences. I feel like being thrown in the dirt whenever I hear false accusations against me that I sometimes burst into tears in prayer. Still, I’m holding on. I try giving my best in my work no matter how drained I feel due to emotions. I know I’m not mocked much more than my crucified Savior. Perhaps, I just deserve this kind of life. I’m not going to be bitter about it but rather be positive and accepting it gladly and patiently.

It was all by Divine Providence that I was able to make it for He knows I truly do not want to pass this year without receiving Him. I was trembling for I didn’t know if I’d make it after all my 2 sisters saw me. But God willed that they didn’t seem to be bothered about my departure. Despite all odds from my family - my eldest sister shouting at me on the phone; my eldest brother insisting that I immediately return home; and worst, my mother calling me names - I managed to remain firm in my decision. I told them politely that I’m not coming home without receiving the Sacraments which the priest gave me his full consent.

So now, I’ll try to be as close to God as possible. Now that I have him, I’ll try not to lose Him by any mortal/venial sins. I’ll make it sure to be more aware of displeasing Him. I’ll try not to deprive Him of love. In praying and constant meditation, I guess I shall be successful on my goal.

Oh Lord my God, keep me always near Thy Heart. Never permit me to be far away again! Oh my Blessed Mother, thou who never left me even to my darkest moments, help me to fulfill this even more perfectly this time around! Amen.

In My Life

2007-11-19T06:47:00.000+08:00

The days and hours seem to be running. I just can’t believe it’s been 18 days since my last blog here. Time flies so fast for me that I could barely beat it. Sigh.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t misused or misspent my time. Time is valuable and I’m not crazy to abuse it. It’s just that I need to be unselfish. And when writing here, it demands more ample time. Yes, that is exactly the kind of time I’ve been missing frequently.

Anyway, let me start this. Just recently, I noticed some flakes on my hair when combing after bathing. I realized it’s dry scalp and although it’s not itchy, I find it alarming already. And so I decided using my sister’s shampoo. I was somewhat boycotting it before for I don’t really like its smell. It looks like a medicine to me for its components are sort of that. It was actually my sister who suggested I use it but she also advised that I must have a regular diet. Meaning, I must try eating during lunchtime. Well, that seems pretty easy to anyone but not for me! I’m still squeezing lunch in my day. Thanks to my sister’s shampoo anyway. I’m relived and it’s very effective. It lessened gradually within 3 days, I guess. But still, I opt using it regularly. I’ve also become accustomed to its fragrance as well. I mean who knows? It might eventually stop without totally readjusting my schedule!

These days, our neighborhood is on again with loud speakers of music. It’s becoming their usual already and those songs they’re playing are just yelling nonsense. I just can’t comprehend what so good about it. They seem to be deaf already on how to recognize a good song from a bad one. Well, my mother is getting agitated about it and it really saddens me. She doesn’t seem to get used to them. Maybe because it was she who came here. Nobody forced her. But then, this is only my assumption. As for me, I was able to adapt. Thanks be to God and the Blessed Virgin, I can normally sleep without much hardships at night. But what makes me sad though, is that due to it, many bad consequences arise. And even her frail health is unfortunately increasing. I’ve learned that next month they’d have a fiesta of the subdivision. Oh gee, that sounds bad and I’d be putting pillows on my ears so as to get sleep if ever. Because this disco is a lot more louder, continues up till midnight, and it really disturbs the ear you really can’t fall asleep unless you drink sleeping pills. Though last year wasn’t that bad and I could only hope it’d still remain that way. My, these people have a different culture. A pagan one, should I say. For in Luzon, people aren’t like these. Why? Probably it is because of the Catholic Church here. The Catholics are not morally religious. Catholic faith is so loose in Mindanao. It is all because of false ecumenism wherein priests don’t teach the flock and don’t mind them mingling with other religion - Protestants and Muslims alike. Sure there’s nothing bad talking to them but what these faithful don’t know their faith is indirectly being pushed back. I’ve found out too, that Protestants are big here. Only few are Catholics and are, unfortunately, spiritually blind.

About myself, I’m doing fine though not satisfied. Every now and then, I feel something is lacking on me. My nearness to God. Actually, I don’t even know on to what amount of degree I must be near to Him. All I honestly want is to love Him wholeheartedly and if possible to be a nun. I’m not so sure about it but one priest recently advised me to entrust myself to our Blessed Lady. And that is exactly what I’ve been doing for almost a year now after reading the True Devotion to Our Lady by St. Louis de Montfort.

Oh Mother of Divine Providence, help me to understand what God really wants from me. Enlighten those priests whom I have chosen to confide my life. As they are nearest to God on earth, I ask that thou grant them wisdom to discern what is truly God’s will for me. And most especially, sanctify them that they may have the strength and courage to battle whatever evil beset them. Amen.

All Saints’ Day

2007-11-01T16:51:00.000+08:00

Lately, I’ve been linking this particular day to the SSPX. True enough, as it was the solemn day that Archbishop Lefebvre founded the SSPX 37 years ago. I was wondering why the Archbishop chose this particular date. Now, I realized it was perhaps because His Excellency wanted to show to each and everyone, most especially to his own priests, that all of us must become Saints. Striving to become saints is our duty and rather the only duty we have here on earth. I understood that it is what the Archbishop wanted to imply to all.

I’m grateful to him and for what he had done. He was fighting and yet he was loving as well. He mandated to his priests the vital importance of the Sacrifice of the Mass and the other 6 Sacraments which our Lord instituted. We cannot live without God. Charity and sufferings are nothing if we do not have grace of God abiding in us. And how do we get that grace? Through the Holy Sacrifice of Mass and Sacrament of Penance. Yes, His Excellency stated it plain and simple yet the sophisticated world could not comprehend it. In his own little way, Archbishop Lefebvre scattered this beautiful message. He stood amidst shaking tribulations and formed his priests. Providentially, it grew and still expanding.

Through his priests, he continued Jesus Commandments. He did not let the Gospel wither away. And now almost world widely known, his Society is still the bridge for both the worldly and holy alike. It reconciles the sinner while the pious assists him. From pagans to orphanage, from hostels to schools, and from bewildered couple (or family) to a confused individual, the SSPX were here or there to bring back the light and to show the road to sanctity.

Oh, praise be to the Most Holy Triune God for using Archbishop Lefebvre as an instrument! His Excellency must have a lot of graces on him. Yes, God lives on him that’s why he persevered. Only time will tell if the Society he founded would waver and fall. But may God forbid! May it be safeguarded by numerous saints and most especially by the Blessed Virgin, most pure and most strong. May it continue to defend Holy Mother Church from heresy, novelty, and schism!

By the way, I just learned yesterday that Miss Swarna Vongala had already taken the habit. I’m very much delighted to hear that long awaited Asian news! Oh, would that I be one soon! I long to be with my God and forever serve Him unselfishly!

Since today’s the feast of all the Saints, I shall greet here my patron saints. Happy happy feast day to thee, St. Gregory Nazianzen, St. Basil the Great, St. Joan of Arc, St. Scholastica, St. Christina, and St. Januarius. Oh my dear patron saints, do not leave me here! Be my constant intercessors to our Lord! Help me most especially to attain Heaven!

Also, I would like to post here that tomorrow is the day dedicated for the Holy Souls in Purgatory. Let’s pray for all those who are still detained there. It is very painful staying there! They definitely need the Holy Sacrifice of Mass and our own prayers. Let me end here with a prayer that will freed 1000 souls each time this is prayed.

Eternal Father, I offer Thee the most precious Blood of Thy Divine Son Jesus in union with all the Masses said throughout the world today, for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the Universal Church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen.

Crux Sacra Sit Mihi Lux, Non Draco Sit Mihi Dux

2007-10-25T12:45:00.000+08:00

Let the Sacred Cross be my Light, let not the devil be my guide. Someone recently gave it to me. It was sort of a short prayer for encouragement. And ever since yesterday, I started praying it. I’d always be grateful to that person who revived my intrepidness. I was on the brink of misery, but Our Lady is so wonderful for holding me back and gave me hope through this person.

I admit there were times I succumbed. Lack of prayer and watchfulness were the main causes, I guess. My past mistakes make me tremble in fear to stand in the presence of the Innocent Lamb. Had I not have the Blessed Virgin Mary, I’d certainly be unheard by the Just Judge. He Who demands goodness on every single thing I do; I am but worthy to deserve shame and dust.

Sometime the devil wants me to think that I’m too guilty even to ask for the Virgin’s intercession. But faith enlightens me that the Blessed Lady never turns away one of her children. No matter how heinous - provided one is sincere in repenting. Indeed, that was the pact she sealed when her crucified Son was uttering to her on the Cross.

I realize God wants me with my weakness. But I also understand God wants me to be perfect just as He is. I must never take it for granted. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve fallen. But what matters most is that I’m willing to rise and reconstruct my life once more. Yes, my human nature is weak but Jesus Himself overcame it through many sufferings and finally by dying in the Cross.

I know I’m no perfect person, but I must comprehend God destined it so I can best appreciate His bountiful mercies. And how powerful the Blessed Virgin Mary is who so much loves us and wants to save us — for that is the price of her Beloved Son’s death.

Oh Immaculate Virgin, would that every sinner come to thine recourse and hell would be already empty! Be always near to me as I traverse this dangerous road. And most especially help me to love God more strongly yet tenderly as well! Amen.

Significant Sayings (Part 4)

2007-10-23T08:36:00.000+08:00

You don’t need such a good memory if you always speak the truth.

Truth is not always popular, but it is always right.

Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.

Other people see your deeds. God sees your motives.

A promise made is a debt unpaid.

Fools think they need no advice, but the wise listen to others.

My riches consist not in the extent of my possessions but in the fewness of my wants.

Little is much when God is in it.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

Curious people ask questions; determined people find answers.

In judging others, it’s always wise to see with the heart as well as with the eyes.

He who is slow in promising is always the faithful in performing.

Some men succeed because they are destined to, but most men because they are determined to.

Tell the truth ─ falsehoods are hard to remember.

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.

Guidance means that I can count on God; commitment means that God can count on me.

Character does not reach its best until it is controlled, harnessed, and disciplined.

If you can’t be grateful for what you receive, be grateful for what you escape.

Will is a word of beauty.

Success is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.

To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.

He gives twice who gives promptly.

The hardest thing about facts is facing them.

Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong.” Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.

Choose a good reputation over great riches, for being held in high esteem is better than having gold.

The man who has not learned to say no will be a weak man as long as he lives.

Fear the Lord and serve Him in sincerity and truth.

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it’s cowardice.

Life is so constructed, that the event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.

Prayer doesn’t get man’s will done in heaven; it gets God’s will done on earth.

Don’t let your pride become inflated ─ you may have to swallow it someday.

Ideals may be beyond our reach but never beyond our fondest hopes.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Stand on your own two feet and you will grow in stature.

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful.

Opportunity knocks, but it has never been known to turn the knob and walk in.

The Lord demands fairness in every business deal; He sets the standard.

A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash.

Loyalty is rare. It can only be proven under test.

Listen to the voice of experience, but also make use of your brain.

In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery.

Digging for facts is better mental exercise than jumping into conclusions.

Conscience is the only mirror that doesn’t flatter.

Life without hope is a life without meaning.

Lose if you must, but don’t lose the lesson.

Excellence resides in quality not in quantity. The best is always few and rare, much lowers value.

Excellence is not a matter of chance, it’s a matter of choice.

No person has ever been honored for what he has received; always for what he has given.

Happiness is the inner joy that can be sought, but never taught or bought.

The essence of generosity is self-sacrifice.

Happiness is the delicate balance of what one is and what one has.

Great wealth and contentment seldom live together.

People with good sense restrain anger; they earn esteem by overlooking wrongs.

We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps.

Making decisions is simple: get the facts; seek God’s guidance; form a judgment; act on it.

An unusual amount of common sense is something called wisdom.

The line is often too busy when the conscience wishes to speak.

Conscience is God’s presence in man.

Conscience is that inner voice that warns us someone is watching.

There is no longer better tranquilizer than a clear conscience.

Seek His will in all you do, and He will lead your paths.

You’ll never make your dream come true by oversleeping.

The poorest of all men is not the man without a cent but the man without a dream.

It isn’t enough to make sure you’re on the right track; you also make sure you’re going in the right direction.

The man who loses his conscience has nothing left that is worth keeping.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that outlasts it.

A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.

I affirm life; I challenge problems; I accept responsibility; I believe in God; I live today.

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.

Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness before a fall.

We make a living by what we get ─ a life by what we give.

If you’re not big enough to stand for criticism, you’re too small to be praised.

Life is fragile; handle with prayer.

Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.

There is no excellence uncoupled with difficulties.

Excellence in any art of profession is attained only by hard and persistent work.

Appreciation is thanking, recognition is seeing, and encouragement is bringing hope for the future.

Some men dream of worthy accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them.

We create our future by what we dream today.

Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.

If you don’t see it with your eyes, don’t invent it with your mouth.

As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the person.

One of the rarest things that man ever does is to do the best he can.

In character, in manner, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.

When you break your word, you break something that cannot be mended.

Success is sweet, but its secret is sweat.

Promises are like money ─ easier made than kept.

Hard workers have plenty of food; playing around brings poverty.

Gossip is what some invent and others enlarge.

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.

The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right and doing a thing exactly right.

There is no hell like a bad conscience.

He who thinks twice before saying nothing is wise.

Significant Sayings (Part 3)

2007-10-21T07:07:00.000+08:00

Fortune does not change men; it unmasks them.

The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked leads them astray.

He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak.

Fear of the Lord teaches a person to be wise; humility precedes honor.

From our ancestors come our names; from our virtues, our honors.

It is human to stand with the crowd; it is divine to stand alone.

Between tomorrow’s dream and yesterday’s regret is today’s opportunity.

No dream comes true until you wake up and go to work.

Doubt grows with knowledge.

Sometimes the best way to convince someone he is wrong is to let him have his way.

He that falls by himself never cries.

What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.

The wise man questions himself, the fool others.

The time is always right to do what is right.

It is an easy matter for a stingy to get rich ─ but what’s the use?

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.

Ought is a word of duty.

Won’t is a word of retreat.

It is always the secure who are humble.

No man is rich enough to buy back his past.

The mind’s direction is more important than its progress.

Knowledge can be communicated but not wisdom.

Significant Sayings (Part 2)

2007-10-19T06:53:00.000+08:00

As long as you live, keep learning how to live.

Live today and every day like a man of honor.

Sincere humility attracts. Lack of humility subtracts. Artificial humility detracts.

Honor lives in honest toil.

Humility is remaining teachable.

A small gift is better than a great promise.

The wise man does not lay up treasures. The more he gives, the more he has.

A total commitment is paramount to reaching the ultimate in performance.

Don’t be discouraged; it may be the last key in the bunch that opens the door.

Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way.

Opportunity is hard to recognize if you’re looking for a lucky break.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

There is a great difference between still believing something and believing it again.

Clear your mind of can’t.

Try is a word each hour.

What was hard to endure was sweet to recall.

Self-respect is the root of discipline. The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.

All glory comes from daring to begin.

Always continue to fear the Lord. For surely you have a future ahead of you; your hope will not be disappointed.

Know what you’re doing. Love what you’re doing. And believe in what you’re doing.

It is easier to acquire good reputation than to lose a bad one.

Fr. Purdy's Letter

2007-10-14T11:01:00.000+08:00

[Fr. Purdy sent me this. I hope you’d be able to help them one way or the other. Thank you and may God reward your genrosity!- Editor's Note]

St. Bernard Novitiate
Barangay Daga
Santa Barbara, Iloilo
Philippines
Tel: 63 33 523 5058 / Fax: 63 33 523 5059

7th October 2007
Feast of the Holy Rosary

Dear Friends,

A novitiate is the house of formation for religious. It is a house in which a young man or woman learns the religious life; where they learn to live the Evangelical councils and where the first promises of those vows are made.

Archbishop Lefebvre writes in the Rules for Brothers: “the brothers, consecrating themselves to God in the religious life, have as their primary goal and purpose the glory of God, their own sanctification, and the salvation of souls”. The novitiate is necessary for religious, it is where this sublime calling is discerned, where is fostered, and where it comes to fruit.

St. Bernard Novitiate is the SSPX’s only house of religious formation in all of Asia. There are currently four priests, seven brothers, four pre-postulants, two pre-seminarians, and four live-in student/helpers residing at St. Bernard Novitiate.

Unfortunately, this apostolate in the Philippines is not so well known. In recent years, priests assigned to the Novitiate have made fund raising trips in America and Canada, and many have responded generously. However, these trips are few and far in between. There is a great necessity for the Novitiate to have a stable income. Just as any home needs a stable income to survive, so our home also.

The intended plan is to seek faithful benefactors who can contribute monthly for our support. I am looking for benefactors who can contribute $20 a month for the period of one year. The pledge could be renewed or dropped at the end of the year. That is five dollars a week. If there could be 100 people who can respond to this request, then our monthly expenses will be covered. When the math is done, that is $2000 a month from 100 people. Imagine that amount to feed over 20 people in the house, to pay the electric bill, the phone bill, the fuel bill for our vehicles, etc!

It is well known that religious houses are the prayer machines of the Church. Such great benefits come to the Church and its members through the prayers of consecrated religious souls. Find it in your great love for the Church to help support us.

In return for your generosity, and for those who respond to this request, you will be named the Friends of St. Bernard Novitiate. One mass a month will be offered for your intentions and The Friends of St. Bernard Novitiate will be a perpetual intention in the rosaries of the brothers. Remember! The brothers say 15 decades daily!

In the Hearts of Jesus and Mary,
Fr. Adam Purdy

Any donations can be sent to: Mrs. Marie Purdy, SSPX Asia – 83 North Rd, Fort Ann, NY 12827
Checks can be made to SSPX and memo Friends of St. Bernard Novitiate
Contact Marie Purdy at – mpurdy@myexcel.com ; Contact Fr. Purdy at – stbernard@sspx.net
Please respond via email (if possible) in order to make a contacts list and send a short monthly letter.

Significant Sayings (Part 1)

2007-10-13T06:54:00.001+08:00

Here are some wonderful sayings. I shall post them all soon.

The distance doesn’t matter; it is only the first step that is difficult.

A show of envy is an insult to oneself.

Loyalty in little thing is a great thing.

A life of ease is a difficult pursuit.

The thing to try when all else fails is again.

Laws too gentle, seldom obeyed; too severe, seldom executed.

To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.

Saving The Environment

2007-10-13T06:53:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on September 29, 2007, Saturday. However, I ran out of internet time. - Editor's Note]

Today’s the feast of St. Michael and I wonder if there’s a Mass here as it’s the chapel’s patron saint. Oh, I miss going to Church and receiving God so much.

My sister and I were talking about a shrub around our area yesterday. It was getting tall and it’s already beside our fence’s backyard. I explained that the neighbor should already trim it down but she was against it. She even went to say that she would love to see it grow taller so as to avoid global warming and stuffs.

I have no problem with green plants around and about and I am all for planting more and more trees. Gardens are indeed beautiful and I don’t mind tending them to make it as attractive as it can be. But I believe it should be trimmed down time after time. And in our case, our back is already a wild forest. Tall and shrubby grass and many other creeping insects are housing there. The place is not maintained and the neighbors sometimes abuse it.

Anyways, yesterday too, I was shocked to hear Mom asked me: don’t you get bored? I didn’t know how to or rather I fight boredom. And so, I just nodded no. I was hoping to say more than “no” but then I just remained silent. I was indeed dumbfounded how my Mom would ask me such a question. Still, all I want to say is: no, but I wish to hear Mass soon. Why can’t I just say this? Oh my, I long to be with God in everything I do.

My life is still fumbling out and I just don’t know why God wants it that way. I still believe this is His will and that I must never lose hope. I must persevere and hold on.

The past few days, almost all the religious things I’ve read reminded me that faith without works is dead. That those who call themselves Christians but do not do Christ’s commandments e.g. frequenting the Sacraments He instituted, is like a dead branch in a tree. Indeed, I find myself exactly in that situation.

I do not want to think of it but then I know I’d be lying to myself. Facing my reality is hard to accept and sometimes I do not know how I will ever survive. Pray and pray even harder. I also need to seek guidance from priests and I hope I could contact them soon. At the moment, I’m stuck. Stuck in the mad that every time I try to lift off, it’s still there. I don’t know how long will this feeling end. It’s crazy to know but I won’t go insane. My refuge is the Blessed Virgin Mary who’d always assist me as long as I’m obedient to her.

Blood Diamond

2007-10-13T06:50:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on September 27, 2007, Wednesday. However, I ran out of internet time. - Editor's Note]

I never thought I’m going to watch it but then I realized it concerns many souls and so I watched.

Yes, Mom bought that VCD and we all have to watch it. All I can say it was action packed and the hidden beauty of Sierra Leone amidst its civil war on 1999.

But what caught my attention most was the vibrant ex-soldier turned syndicate Danny Aocho. From the moment he entered the picture, my heart followed his whereabouts on that movie. At first, I thought he was simply a bad guy who wants money with diamonds. But delving deeper and as the film continues its story, Danny related his life. He was an orphan and at the age of 9 his mother died. I presume he enlisted in the Army because he has no family to turn to already. From there, he got all the military tactics and mustered it all his life. The Colonel who trained him admitted Danny is better than him. So you can just imagine Danny’s character. He is strong and can fight alone. He would push on anything as long as it meant money matters. In short, he is the type of guy who fears nothing — cost what it may.

Anyway, back to Danny’s life, when he was serving in the military, he thought they were fighting against terrorists. But it was just a front ─ the real thing is the diamonds. Danny was so intrigued that he said something like this “Why not dig my own diamonds?” And so, his life of syndicating began.

Then things went complicated when the fisherman and the photographer entered his life. I would say his life changed and he became a better person. The fisherman disturbed his syndicating life while the photographer allowed him to pour the real Danny inside. He admitted he is not a good guy and is not content on his life. Indeed, there’s lacking on him and it’s God. I pitied him and if I have to judge if his soul should be dammed or not, I think it would be saved.

Throughout the film, Danny helped the fisherman find his lost family and his son who was illegally conscripted by the rebels. Although there was always a vested interest, Danny was able to make the family complete once more and risked his life just to make it sure the fisherman and his son are safe.

He was indeed a soldier who’d protect the civilians and yet his heart is torn between greed and fairness. Danny was desperately trying to find the meaning of his life and he only got it shortly before he died. I don’t know why it was hidden from him but maybe because God willed it that way.

This story is only fictional but one could really relate itself. There are many people out there who didn’t know their lives’ meaning until the end. Some are lucky enough to have the grace to remain good but most choose to be bad. It is because they never knew the Holy Sacrifice of Mass and the Sacraments. These days, the true meaning of life is already lost if not forgotten. It pains me to know about Danny’s life but then I believe he was lucky enough to find his real life. He was lost but I guess God was merciful and just and held him back. He may have to suffer for a while but rest assured — he’s saved.

Thus, the need to pray. For all those who have no meaning in their lives and for all those who are persevering. For the latter to remain steadfast and for the other one for the grace of conversion.

O Blessed Virgin Mary, teach them to love God’s ways. Many souls are lost because of sin. But have mercy on them. O Blessed Lady, keep them and grant them the grace of final perseverance or complete conversion. O Queen of heaven and earth, to thee do I entrust souls who are desperately in need of thy light.

O merciful Heart of Jesus, have pity on the souls Whom Thou hast redeemed by shedding Thy blood and dying on the Cross! Amen.

Much News

2007-10-13T06:43:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on September 24, 2007, Monday. However, I ran out of internet time. - Editor's Note]

There are so many things that happened in the past weeks but I wasn’t able to get back. As always, my day is very hectic and I barely get the time to update my blog.

Anyhow, let me enumerate them here.

On September 12, Mom went to Davao for her medical check up which was 2 months due already. Great thing though, that her laboratory tests were good. Deo Gratias! Though when I read her results, I found out it’s still not good. Her creatinine is not normal yet and her potassium went up but on the normal range still. Of course, the results give us hope and encouragement and I just simply have to be positive. I was really happy about it that on that day, I prayed another Te Deum upon learning it! The doctor even adjusted her medical check up routine to every space of 3 months so that she could cope up. I just hope Mom would be already normal. But then, it’s up to God once again.

Come September 19, it was supposed to be a great celebration but since it’s Ember I fasted. No, don’t get me wrong, it’s not required. It’s just that I opted sacrificing. I’m not sure if what I did was a sin. And if it was, I have the very reason to be excused coz I didn’t know it at that time (even for now). I’d certainly not do anything that’s sinful to God.

Then on the following night, Mom went to Mrs. Ghela and I learned of how the Motu Proprio is taking effect here in the diocese. It’s a Latin Novus Ordo Mass. Same old thing and it’s crazy. That’s not what His Holiness stated on his Motu Proprio. I just hope the Catholic Bishops here would follow what the Pope really said and not invent things as they wish.

Oh well, that’s how I am at the moment. One more thing, there are frequent power interruptions in our area and it’s agitating. I have to extend and advance things due to this nemesis and the result is always the burnt out me. Miserable that I am, but then I know I must suffer gladly and patiently for God’s sake and to atone for my sins too.

Actually, I have a slight headache once more. I didn’t realize it but just now when I was writing. Still, I want to pour out my day here. That’s why I’m not getting over here. By the way, I skipped lunch once more!

Anyways, Mom went to Davao to mail her letter for her sister Aunt Bett in US. Last call from her informed me that she’s bound home already. So maybe, she’d be home around 7-8 pm.

Oh, yesterday I read “that through many tribulations, one must enter heaven.” Yes, that was the words of St. Paul in Acts. In other words, I must toil hard and fight the good fight.

About myself, I feel so void tonight. Why is it that I find myself lax these days? I’m not sure if I’m quick to anger but it’s like my old habits are coming back. It’s not good and I must change. I better change before it’s too late. I must rewind back my steps and retrace once more Jesus’ path. I must be patient and stop complaining even for a while.

O my God, I’m so sorry for my deeds today. Help me as I look on Jesus’ life once more. Please give me good merits so that I may faithfully serve Thee. Banish from it all that is offensive to Thee and make me well again.

O my Lord Jesus Christ, have pity on me. As I lay down to sleep this night, please refresh my whole self so that tomorrow, I may walk on Thy ways and persevere till the end! Amen.

Mom and the SSPX

2007-09-07T06:33:00.000+08:00

Mom retuned to Manila last Monday to do some family matters. At the airport (though I don’t know if it’s GenSan or Manila), she told us how she met a man with a black soutane. Mom approached him and asked: “Good afternoon, Father, what congregation do you belong?” “SSPX…” came the reply. “Are you traditionalist?” continued Mom who wanted to verify. “Yes, are you?” the man replied once more. “Oh yes,” Mom said smilingly. Then he told Mom that he’s not priest but just a brother, (actually, Mom doesn’t know how an SSPX brother looks like) and informed her too that he’d be going to OLVC.

Well that was an interesting story. Indeed the SSPX are very famous in airports. One way or the other the SSPX meet each other to do Mass apostolate, district meetings/reassignments, and sometimes vacations as well.

Anyways, it was good Mom was able to come back home in Manila. She told us many news but unfortunately she didn’t drop by at OLVC. That’s very disheartening for me.

O Lord, when wilt Thou completely convert Mom to Sacred Catholic Tradition? Nevertheless, I trust in Thee and I’ll never lose hope. If it pleases Thy majesty that this may last longer, so be it, my Lord. Just give me the grace to remain steadfast in Thy will. Amen.

Pursuing Away ─ In Pain

2007-09-02T05:27:00.000+08:00

September. Tomorrow it will be the feast of St. Pius X. Soon it will be the nativity of our Blessed Virgin Mary, then the feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, then the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. The third one I mentioned is quite notable to me (as well as to the SSPX) as the Motu Proprio would take effect on the Novus Ordo Catholic parishes worldwide. I hope it would be the start of rediscovering the Tridentine Latin Mass to most Novus Ordo Catholic priests. This month will also be very significant to me for the first time in my life as on the 19th, marks my very first anniversary of confirmation!

September. Most people say: “Hey it’s ber months once more. Time to anticipate Christmas season!” Well, it’s exhilarating to know that but deep down I began asking myself: Will my Christmas be really merry? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about gifts or special foods or trips to here or there. I’m pointing out the spirit of Christmas. About my own spirit of Christmas, should I say. Will it be warm this time? Or would it be dry as usual? With all the spectacular Christmas lights as bright as it can be, with lanterns and a magnificent Christmas tree, outsiders would be really easily fooled that inside this home, people are the happiest of the happiest. Safe to say, though, but that’s not the reality of my heart. One can never be actually glad without God.

September. When was the last time I received my God? Last September. Last what ─ a year??? Is this really true??! Wow. I can’t believe it’s that far already. What did I do on those past 12 months? I prayed, did acts of charity and mortification, studied, but never had the opportunity to be fed by spiritual nourishment. Everything isn’t complete because I haven’t received my God, the Sole Being why I still live. Everyday that passes by was like a feather that was blown and never really landed on a safe ground. It kept treading until it was scattered on the air lost amidst the earth’s sphere. Indeed, I have no weight without God.

I’m doing fine, though not contented. My frenzied life seems to exhaust me too as I always get a slight headache. Not much bothering as I can still move. I know there’s no one to blame but myself since I barely eat at lunchtime. During the day, I got this dilemma that when my eyes begin to close and I start catching to sleep, the moment my head reaches my pillows, the dizziness suddenly get lost. It’s as if my brain wants to be active again! Oh, is that so?! Okay. You have it. Even my brain says it so. I’m very much an active human being. My sleeping time is only throughout the night — and sometimes it’s not even continuous ─ 6 hours the most.

My life can never be truly “regularized” as long as I haven’t received my God. I feel like running away and finding this Road where my heart yearns. But then I know I must wait and persevere at the moment. God works in mysterious ways. I may never completely understand it but I’ll always follow His voice.

O Lord, my God, I’m so lost without Thee! I didn’t realize how painful it is before! Through the intercession of the most Blessed Virgin Mary, I ask that Thou keep me and help me comprehend Thy will. Make me learn from experience that I may readily embrace humiliation with discretion! Amen.

Befallen Heroes

2007-08-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

The Basilan War is certainly getting worse. More and more soldiers are dying. It’s appalling and I can very much relate this happening to the Iraq War. It’s always Muslim rebels against Christian government. I could only hope and pray it will end very soon.

I know I may be late already but still, I’d like to dedicate this post to the 14 Marines who died on July 10 and the 27 Marines who died on August 7-9.

Here’s 2nd Lt. Camelon’s words at his friendster blog or so I read at the newspaper. (He was one of the 16 marines who died last August 7)

“I stand a proud guardian of my country and the people. I am awestruck and dumbfounded by the magnanimous duty that the people have bestowed upon me, the duty that binds me to be the protector of the free, the duty that drives me to endure days without food, traverse the inhospitable terrain, through typhoons and searing rays of the sun.

… The duty that dislocates my normal life, separates me from my family, [that makes me] live with humble means and simple ways and be the epitome of the ideals of katapangan, integridad, at katapatan [bravery, integrity, and honesty].”

Well I could only say this: Thanks for lending us your bravery and for giving up your life. You never really left us. Instead you gave us even more. That unwavering determination to fight whenever the duty calls for and this against all odds!

Eternal rest grant unto the Marines’ souls, O Lord. And let Thy perpetual help shine upon them. Amen

And May the souls of the faithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Amen

With My Blog, Again

2007-08-18T15:25:00.000+08:00

It’s been a long time now since I last made a blog. Indeed, I already missed doing this. It was because of my very busy life (even up to now). As a matter of fact, I skipped lunch these days just to make things fitted on my ever hectic schedule. With a moderate amount of work and prayers, I guess I’m constantly busy. My super energetic body says it so and I just hope I won’t collapse at all! Of course, I cannot simply sit around after doing my duties and leave everything to my siblings. Yes, I try helping as much as I can. I must give way to charity first before my own pleasures.

So here I am catching out. Pausing out for a while, writing some lines then go out then write once more till I finish what’s on my mind.

One big event that happened this week was my joining at CathInfo forums. Since then, I was very active asking for such and such questions and sometimes voiced out my opinions too.

Anyways, I’m doing better with my resolutions. The obtuse life I was treading before is certainly leaving me. I’ve changed. Yes, my outlook obviously changed. My family re watched videos but I excused myself (and I’m sometimes successful). My dad brought home an airline’s magazine but I barely read it. I simply glimpsed some things just to know what’s happening around me.

Then when my Mom brought a newspaper, I browsed it and read some things but didn’t take pleasure on it. I wasn’t happy to see that this world is crumbling away and got no place for religious things. Sigh. What’s more disheartening was that the issue exclusively featured writers sharing out their experience about “first times”. My oh my. They even went out doing sinful things just to make up with their assignments. Imagining them is like getting crazy. Learning to dance on hip hop songs, a man wearing a female’s 3 inch high heels, and living alone for a month. Although there were some good writers, I came to realize that this world is really turning to be very ungodly. Fashions, too, are just not decent. I even saw a picture of a model posing with dark clothes in a flickering red background. My gosh, it looks devilish. The peoples’ way of life is unfortunately turning more and more away from God. I’m not happy to know it and I keep on asking: oh my Lord, in these days, when will they ever learn what’s pleasing to Thee? To love Thee, adore Thee, and offer Thee sacrifices?

I thank God and the Blessed Virgin Mary that I was able to open my blinded eyes from worldliness. Yes, I have to admit my attitude was very much “in” to this world. I craved for those things that when I made my resolution, I thought I’m going to be bored and give up sooner or later. But now, it’s only a matter to laugh about. Those things I thought was sweet turned suddenly bitter in my palate. I’m not saying I’m already perfect. No, rather the battle within me still continues. It’s safe to say, though, that the war is already conquered if not won. I know I may still lose my soul to satan if I’m not cautious with my thoughts, words, and deeds.

But definitely, I’m much blessed. I’m now discovering how much one will really take risks just to love the One you perfectly love. The One that really deserves pure love. And He, Who is God, would never really leave you, provided you’re always constant to His commands. Oh! I’m engrossed to know that! And I’d say I’m much happier now. Though I know I’m still not complete. As I could never be complete without receiving my God sacramentally in the Holy Eucharist.

Lord I Offer

2007-08-10T15:39:00.000+08:00

Here is a song I heard in the Novus Ordo Catholic Church many yeas ago. It keep resounding in my mind now that I want to surrender to God my everything. (I’m not very sure if this is correct but my sister and I tried to remember the lyrics as best as we can.)

All that I am, all that I have,
I lay them down before You, O Lord.
All my regrets, all my acclaims,
The joys and the pains,
I’m making them Yours

(R) Lord I offer my life to You
Everything that I’ve been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord I offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a living sacrifice
Lord I offer You my life.

Things in the past, things yet unseen,
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true.
All of my hope, all of my plans,
My heart and my hands,
I lift them to You.

Repeat (R)

Hey, My Very First Blog For This Month

2007-08-10T15:36:00.000+08:00

It’s August already and Dad came for a scheduled working trip. This day, Mom and Dad went to GenSan for Dad’s laboratory tests. They also decided to withdraw the apartment there since it has no use for the current time.

When they got home, I learned that Dad’s lab results weren’t good. Sigh. I just hope it is still the work of Divine Providence…

Oh well how could I describe my day? I guess it’s a mixture of sorrow and happiness. Sorrow in the sense that I couldn’t be nearer to God. Happy in the sense that my parents are doing well with each other. My siblings? Well, they’re okay but sibling rivalry is sometimes there. Gosh, not so admiring.

Oh Lord my God, teach me to bear all these trials. Many unpleasant days will still drag along but I hope in Thee. Help me not to fall away from attaining my goal - Heaven.

Oh Blessed Virgin Mary intercede for me as I’m beginning to wane again. Reach out thy hand for my frail hand that I’ll always overcome this. Oh my Mother, the pain is getting deeper and deeper that sometimes I don’t know if it will still heal. Nonetheless, I’ll always trust in thee for I assuredly know that thou art more powerful that all the evils in this world. Enlighten me and be near to me that I may always be a better girl! Amen.

I Can’t Believe…

2007-07-24T13:35:00.001+08:00

I can’t believe that I was able to stop my addiction to pop music.

I can’t believe that I learned to control my senses and passion.

I can’t believe that I’m still persevering from being worldly.

With the grace of God and the aid of the Blessed Virgin Mary, I realized how precious it is to despise the earthly things, imitate the Saints, and thus love my greatest Benefactor - God!

Our Lady of Carmel

2007-07-24T13:34:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on July 16, 2007, Monday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Today’s the feast of Our Lady of Carmel, my patroness. I remember my Mom consecrated me to the Blessed Virgin Mary under this special title when I was 10. And from that time on, I came to treasure Our Lady of Carmel, the Brown Scapular, and the Carmelites as well.

Yesterday, I don’t have the mood to explain how I felt on the Novus Ordo PEA (Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration). I was not praying very well nor did I come to converse with our Lord as I did in any traditional chapel or simply in my home.

I have a lot of reasons to doubt if the Real Presence of God is inside the exposed Blessed Sacrament. And that’s why I couldn’t pray well. Although I knelt along the 2 hours (save for few intermission of sitting), I couldn’t appreciate it. Deep down, I was asking our Lord why was I there when that Church is mocking Him. It is not already Catholic. I felt so misfit and unhappy around there.

I’ve been pleading to God to help me overcome this pain as I believe it will still drag many unpleasant weekends - both spiritually and physically. And to Our Lady of Carmel, I ask for perseverance for my vocation despite opposition.

Agitating

2007-07-24T13:33:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on July 15, 2007, Sunday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep easily. I tossed and turned around my bed and I felt so restless. The hour of 12 struck already but still I couldn’t be at ease.

It was because of my brother. That morning, he informed us that he’d be working for the last time on night. Then during at work, he forwarded a message of his trainer Glenda. The message was so encouraging that it left me pondering. I felt so miserable. I was thinking of my brother - of how he would ever cope up now that it’s over.

My brother is a different type of guy. Back home, he’d always share his stories about work. But during the past days, he was quiet yet jolly. Sometimes he would ask me questions that I decided to leave unanswered as I know it would be better for him to answer it by himself

I agree with my sisters. Why is it that when he got work, we missed his company? Yet now, why is it we regret that he’s home? I really don’t know why we feel this way.

From time to time, I’m wondering. Why is it that life never answered its own questions? Life would always leave you to find it. And most of the time, I get the wrong answer. Sigh. It is strange yet I know it is all God’s will. He turns the tide so strong because He wants us to look upon Him. God wants us to reconsider our life. To look upon the Blessed Virgin Mary for assistance and be faithful. Yet even so, God still want us to suffer patiently. For without it, one cannot attain peace with God.

By the way, I was so happy to know that Pope Benedict xvi had finally released the Motu Proprio for the liberalization of the Tridentine Mass. I just learned it this day when we met a traditional friend who gave us the SSPX Mindanao Bulletin. I rejoice with the SSPX. I also agree with them that difficulties still remain. Regarding the SSPX status on Rome, it is still not over. Yes, I believe that the SSPX has the right in claiming the withdrawal of the decree of excommunication which has so damaged the SSPX’s name.

May the unification of the Catholic Church into one, holy, Catholic, apostolic, and Tridentine Church. come soon. And may it always be under the holy mantle of the Virgin Mother of God! Amen.

Getting On Here

2007-07-24T13:30:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on July 5, 2007, Thursday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Life is so busy to me that I rarely get time to write. Sometimes, I just ponder it to my heart every night I rest for sleep hoping that someday I’d be able to write it down here.

Yes, I believe I’m getting late. On my previous post, I mentioned the room blessing. And, thanks be to God, it was Fr. Soliman who blessed it!!!

I’m doing pretty well with my new resolution. I also managed not to sing pop music songs whether in speech or mind. Instead of singing those, I try singing some Gregorian chant I know or simply pray mentally. In this way, I feel close to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary most of the time. Just last night, I made a short prayer that I thought of saying it as my first prayer every morning when I’m preparing to rise up from my bed: Dear Jesus and Mary, help me to make this day a holier one and united always to Thee. Sometimes, I repeat it during the day.

However, one thing that still agonize me is the habit of gossiping. Why is it that I just can’t help doing away with that? Although it is not that sinful, it is still a distraction to me, a poor wretched sinner. I know it diminish my nearness to God. So, starting this day, I’m going to make another resolution: stop gossiping. I hope I survive. That with God’s grace and the Blessed Virgin Mary, I’d be counting the days of July with a clean soul full of docility, humility, and meekness. This is my eternal quest. And, God willing, I wish – with all the angels and saints - to live my remaining years this way.

I recently read the life of St. Aloysius Gonzaga and was even more encouraged by his actions. His family was one of the renowned persons in his country but he became poorer among the poor. At a tender age, he wanted to become a priest and he entered the Jesuit Seminary at the age of 19. Although he didn’t become a priest as his frail health caused his life, he succeeded to suffer everything for the love of his Suffering Lord. At the age of 23, he breathed his last breath on earth and his youthful soul joined his Divine Master already!

Oh yes, last June I missed so many great occasions. I shall post it here.

June 7: It was the feast of Corpus Christi.
Explanation: The solemnity of the Corpus Domini is not just the simple memorial of an historical event which took place almost two thousand years ago at the Last Supper; rather, it recalls us to the ever present reality of Jesus always living in our midst. We can say, in truth, that He has not “left us orphans”, but has willed to remain permanently with us, in the integrity of His Person in the fullness of His humanity and His divinity. “There is no other nation so great,” the Divine Office enthusiastically sings, “as to have its gods so near as our God is present to us” (RB). In the Eucharist, Jesus is really Emmanuel, God with us. In the consecrated Host, we have not only Christ’s Body, Blood, and Soul, but also the divinity of the Son of God and, therefore, God Himself. What more potent means could God use to unite us to Himself and to make us share His nature and life? Where could we find a more life giving food than the Body of Christ, which through its personal union with the Word, is the source of all life and grace? By giving Himself to us, Jesus nourishes us with His substance, assimilates us to Himself, and personally communicates divine life to us. In the Eucharist, it is Jesus Himself Who is the Sacrament, coming to us personally in the integrity of His Person, that of the God-Man. When we receive the Sacred Host, we not only receive Christ’s action in our soul, but we actually possess His Person, really and physically present. We are given not only an increase of grace, but Jesus, the very source of grace. We not only enjoy a new participation in divine life, we possess the Incarnate Word, Who takes us with Himself to the heart of the Trinity. Furthermore, whereas material food is assimilated by the one who eats it and is changed into that person’s body and blood, Jesus, the Living Bread, has the power to assimilate and change into Himself those who partake of Him. “Holy Communion, the Body and Blood of Christ, tends to transform us into what we eat,” says St. Leo, and St. John Chrysostom notes: “Christ has united Himself to us and infused His Body into us, that we may be one thing with Him as a body is fitted to its head. Such is the union of those on fire with love” (RB). By nourishing us with Christ’s life, the Eucharist nourishes in us a life which has no end. By uniting us to Him Who is Life, it frees us from death. In fact, Jesus has said: “He that eateth My Flesh and drinketh My Blood hath everlasting life, and I will raise him up in the last day” (Jn 6v55). Notice that He said, “hath everlasting life,” not will have, because the Eucharist, by giving us an increase of grace - the seed of glory - becomes the pledge of eternal life for us, life not only for the soul but also for the body. “The sacred Host communicates the seed of future resurrection; Christ’s immortal Body plants within us the seed of immortality which will grow and some day bring forth fruit” (Pope Leo XIII: Mirae Caritatis). From this point of view, the Eucharist is truly the Sacrament of hope: hope of celestial glory, of the beatific vision, where our “communion” with Christ will have no end. Our eternal “communion” begins here on earth precisely in the Eucharistic communion which is its prelude, pledge, and even, in a slight degree, its foretaste. But the Blessed Sacrament is a source of great hope and confidence in our present life, too, especially in what concerns our spiritual progress; for, by increasing grace in us, it also increases our charity, and with the growth in charity, our passions are subdued. St. Augustine says, “The increase of charity is the decrease of passion, and the perfection of charity is the absence of passion.” If, then, the struggle against a certain fault of temptation sometimes becomes very violent and difficult; if in spite of all our efforts, we do not succeed in overcoming nature, let us have confidence in the Blessed Sacrament. When Jesus comes to us, He can calm any storm and give us strength to win any kind of battle. “The chaste Flesh of Jesus,” says St. Cyril of Alexandria, “checks the insubordination of ours; by dwelling in us, Christ effectively overcomes the law of flesh which rages in our members.” The Eucharist, therefore, is our hope both for this life and for the life to come; it sustains us in adversity, fortifies us in the struggle for virtue, saves us for eternal life and brings us to heaven by providing us with the food necessary for our journey. (Taken and compiled from a meditation book)

June 14: It was my 20th baptismal year. I don’t know but I was so fool I didn’t recognize it on that day! I guess I was busy with worldly things again. That’s bad! I had indeed forgotten to greet St. Basil the Great - one of my patron saints!

June 15: The feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
Explanation: After we have contemplated the Eucharist, a gift crowning all the gifts of the love of Jesus for men, the Church invites us to give direct consideration to the love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the source and cause of all His gifts. We may call the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus the feast of His love for us. “Behold this Heart which has so loved men,” Jesus said to St. Margaret Mary; “Behold this Heart which has so loved men,” the Church repeats to us today, showing us that it is truly “in the Heart of Christ, wounded by our sins, that God has deigned to give us the infinite treasures of His love.” (cf. Collect). Today’s liturgy inspired with this thought, reviews the immense benefits we owe to the love of Christ and sings a hymn in praise of His love. “Cogitationes cordis ejus,” chants the Introit of the Mass: “The thoughts of His Heart” - the Heart of Jesus - “are to all generations: to deliver them from death, to feed them in time o famine.” The Heart of Jesus is always in search of souls to save, to free from the snares of sin, to wash in His Blood, to feed with His Body. The Heart of Jesus is always living in the Eucharist to satisfy the hunger of all who long for Him, to welcome and console all those who, disillusioned by the vicissitudes of life, take refuge in Him, seeking peace and refreshment. Jesus Himself is our support on the hard road of life. “Take up My yoke upon you and learn of Me, because I am meek and humble of heart, and you shall find rest for your souls, Alleluia.” It is impossible to eliminate sorrow from our life; yet if we live for Jesus we can suffer in peace and find in the Heart of Jesus repose for our weary soul. Again, Jesus presents Himself as the door which leads to salvation. “I am the door. By Me if any man enter in, he shall be saved.” (Jn 10v9). This door is His Heart, which, wounded for us, has brought us into life. By love alone can we penetrate this mystery of infinite love, but not any kind of love will suffice. As St. Paul; says, we must “be rooted and founded in charity.” Only thus shall we able “to know… the charity of Christ which surpasseth all knowledge, that [we] may be filled unto all the fullness of God.” (Taken and compiled from a meditation book)

June 17: Fathers’ Day. Happy Fathers’ Day, Dad! Love you always!

I would like to leave with this prayer of St. Augustine (that I read from the book entitled True Devotion to Our Lady by St. Louis de Montfort) as I find these words most fittingly describe the way I feel at the moment and all the days of my life to come: O Jesus Christ, Thou art my Father, my merciful God, my great King, my good Shepherd, my only Master, my best Helper, my beloved Friend of overwhelming beauty, my living Bread, my eternal Priest. Thou art my guide to my heavenly home, my one true light, my holy joy, my true way, my shining wisdom, my unfeigned simplicity, the peace and harmony of my soul, my perfect safeguard, my bounteous inheritance, my everlasting salvation. My loving Lord, Jesus Christ, why have I ever loved or desired anything else in my life but Thee, my God? Where was I when I was not in communion with Thee? From now on, I direct all my desires to be inspired by Thee and centered on Thee. I direct them to press forward for they have tarried long enough, to hasten towards their goal, to seek the One they yearn for. O Jesus, let him who does not love Thee be accursed and filled with bitterness. O gentle Jesus, let every worthy feeling of mine show Thee love, take delight in Thee and admire Thee. O God of my heart and my inheritance, Christ Jesus, may my heart mellow before the influence of Thy spirit and may Thou live in me. May the flame of Thy love burn in my soul. May it burn incessantly on the altar of my heart. May it glow in my innermost being. May it spread its heat into the hidden recesses of my soul and on the day of my consummation, may I appear before Thee consumed in Thy love. Amen.

Sts. Peter and Paul

2007-07-24T13:29:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on June 29, 2007, Friday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Today’s the feast of Sts. Peter and Paul and it’s one special day for the SSPX. Yes, this is the day wherein priests would be celebrating their priesthood anniversary and deacons would be ordained! I know for sure there would be ordinations at STAS (Saint Thomas Aquinas Seminary) as well as Econe, I guess. Deo Gratias! More priests are coming and coming. For priests, may you have many blessings ahead to sustain you! For deacons, good luck to your very first mission and may you be ever vibrant as in your seminary days! May Our Lady grant us many more religious priests who’d be a strong as the stand post and yet as meek as our Lord Jesus Himself is!

I would like to greet a happy 8th year anniversary to Fr. Salvador and a happy 6th year anniversary to Fr. Saa!!! If you will remember, both priests are Filipinos who are assigned outside their home country’s mission.

Mom went to GenSan for a room blessing (the one she rented for my brother) by one of the visiting priests. Mom said that in case the SSPX priest couldn’t make it - she’d opt for a Novus Ordo priest instead. Well, that’s not nice. I still hope Father could make it. Let’s see.

Before I end, I’d like to share here about how every morning when I wake up to pray my usual morning prayers downstairs, there is a lizard who never fails to accompany me. I don’t know but maybe because I open the light and it finds prey (flying tiny insects) there. As for me, I came to appreciate it. It’s like everytime, it’s the first creature down here to greet me good morning. Isn’t that a unique experience and exhilarating to start one’s day?!

Mom also told me this day, that I talk most of the time when I sleep at night! Weird. I don’t even know it and last night, I didn’t even have a dream. All I know was that I was awaken twice when Mom called my brother at work since he was night shift. And mind you, I didn’t hear myself. Or was I that sleepy? But no, I remember very well Mom’s conversation at the cellphone with my brother. I really don’t understand what Mom’s telling me about that. She also said it bothers her but I wonder how can I help when all the time I don’t even recognize my being “talkative” at night. Is there someone out there who can give me advice? Or maybe, prayers would miraculously work. God willing.

That would be all for this day. More on the coming tomorrows. Please don’t forget to pray for me. Thanks once more!

Let me end this with a short prayer: Dear Jesus and Mary, please may my heart always be near to Thine! Amen.

News - Bad and Good

2007-07-24T13:28:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on June 27, 2007, Wednesday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Last night, Mom informed us that my brother would be terminated by the end of July. It was obviously because of an argument that happened on June 23, Saturday, between an officer of the agency and Mom.

Well, I’m so sad to hear it. Still, this is all God’s will. But I now wonder what will happen on the boarding room there in GenSan. Mom said it’s already clean and renovated - ready to be occupied. I really wonder

I had a lot of questions to ask my brother but it seems that it isn’t appropriate at the moment. I saw in his eyes that he doesn’t want to engage on that topic. And I feel like he doesn’t want to talk about it either. He’d go to any other issues e.g. the movies we’ve recently watched or simply his experience on work that day. So, I get to be satisfied with few questions answered. Indeed, it’s a big wow he managed to answer those.

About myself, I’m doing fine. Study, work, and prayers still occupy my time. I made other resolutions with myself so that I can better please God. It’s not popular and it’s daring. However, I knew I have to. I decided to stop re watching movies even decent one (The Passion is an exemption) as I want to open more space in my heart to God. I have to close my senses to inorderly things - worldly things to be exact. I have to confess that I grew up with fondness of Hollywood stuffs. From actors, to singers, to movies, music, and places - you name it. Frankly, I still find it hard to overcome those vain pleasures. But no matter what, I’m resolved to do it. I don’t want to have any connections with the world save for the salvation of souls. I’d also try not to induce my family to worldly things. I may not always voice out my opinions as I’m the youngest, but in my silence, I will do it actively. Only now did I realize the truthfulness of the words that you can’t bring anything when you die. The only thing that really matters is getting to Heaven to be united with our Creator. I desire to live like the saints. And I just read what one saint said: “…we learn that we can enter heaven only through many sufferings.” In other words, I cannot get to Heaven by simply hoping for it. I need to have more and more graces to sanctify my weary soul. And that I should never stop from having as many as I can. I believe that to aspire something is to gain it as well. Otherwise, it would be nonsense all in all.

Oh my Jesus, I’m very sorry for all the scandals I made through my thoughts, words, and deeds. How I wish I could turn back time and didn’t make any injuries in Thy Most Holy Name. My Blessed Mother, I wish to suffer more in repayment for my own sins and for mankind. Make this heart of mine a divine place for thy Son and if thou please, the whole Blessed Trinity, help me to despise all that is not in conformity to God. And to awaken myself from nothingness to holiness. Make my spirit united - always and forever- to God’s will. Banish from my heart anything that is evil, presumptuous, and concupiscence. My Blessed Lady, to thee do I come. I surrender everything to thee. Make my whole self to be a continuous living temple of the Holy Ghost and may worldly things never occupy my soul anymore. I also pray for my dearest family, my Blessed Mother. Oh, would that they learn all things that are pleasing to God! Blessed Virgin Mary, please may I have all of them in Heaven. Thank you very much, my Blessed Virgin Mary! Amen.

Refreshing

2007-06-15T06:47:00.000+08:00

After being gone for so many days, I finally made it to come up here again.

It was because my family is cutting costs and so it all happened that I rarely get online these days. Too bad. Although I know I was fairly doing it wise in my internet time, I need to trim it down even more.

My brother got a boarding room in his working place as his schedule is sometimes on night shift. Mom had already made things so that he’ll be doing and performing well in his work.

I’m so happy to inform that I already finished studying the Theology I was talking about. It’s really a pleasure to learn new things most especially spiritual ones. Oh yes, aside from the other book I mentioned earlier, I’ve also included on my list my most favorite book: The Heart of the Mass by Sarto House Publications. Who knows I might be someday including my fave saint book: St. Joan of Arc by Chanoine Justin Rousseil. Ahuh, the list goes on and on… But hey, the topics are still focused on Catholicism.

The negative side is that Mom requested me to study Accounting. It was the books of my eldest sister that she was asking me to study. Well, I don’t like it but I’m doing it. I have no choice. I need to do it for the love of my dearest Mom.

I decided to leave every worldly things and that means I have to call off my postings, say goodbye to all fan forums, and open my heart to a deeper union with God. I wanted to be occupied wholly by God so I thought of shutting off anything that would be displeasing to His august presence. I began to appreciate meditation. Indeed, one has to detach from any worldly enticement in order to find the perfect contemplation with God.

My God, Thou alone suffice and permit me not to offend Thee anymore. I wish to be emptied so as to be filled with Thy divine love and teachings. Help me to strive for a holier life and be in intimate conversation with Thee. My Blessed Mother, I humbly ask for thy intercession. Assist me so I can better discern God’s presence dwelling in me. Oh my Lady, transform me into what Thou wishes so that my soul will constantly reflect that pleasing thee is a sure way of attaining perfect intimacy with the Threefold God. Amen.

Longing For Him

2007-06-04T05:34:00.000+08:00

Rainy days have come for us here in the Islands. Still, my life is dry and incomplete. I wanted to be near to God always and everytime, I hope that day would finally arrive. I could not possibly see why God still want me to be far away from Him. I’ve asked God to open my parents’ hearts in allowing me to enter for religious life. But I still couldn’t find His answer. Maybe, God wants me to wait a little longer. Or maybe it’s the devil. Sigh. I really don’t know.

Thus, I’ve decided to talk again to Fr. Couture about this. Soon, I would then let him know that I’ll be waiting for my 21st birthday as I read from the Catechism that children should wait till 21 before going against their parents’ wishes. But I guess I’d be following Father’s final decision.

Actually, I’m not financially able to go to Manila where the pre-postulancy is located. Yeah. That’s one big factor why I couldn’t leave.

Anyways, I guess the start of June was a great thing. I learned that Mom’s results were good. All she just need is to continue her medicines and to keep her strict diet. I really hope and pray she’ll be back to normal soon. I mean, her everything - her kidney, blood, and heart.

Last Thursday, I browsed on other blogs and saw two wonderful ones. First, it’s the “Let’s be friends” blog who’s full of adorable animal pics. Not only that but what’s more is appreciating how they have an unusual friendship. Find out more there!

Second, it’s “The Way of Chi” who have a cute pug photo named Angie when I visited it. It’s so nice to know how many people love God’s creature! It’s indeed comforting for me who have lost 6 beautiful dogs before…

Last Saturday was the last Ember day. And although it wasn’t required for lay people, I still fasted. It’s my little offering to God to appease His anger on us mankind. It was hard and sometimes I was tempted to quit. But by the grace of God, I happily made it.

By the way, I did finish studying the other religion I was talking about. And I’m much focusing now on Theology. I wouldn’t be studying two subjects at a time since I find it hard to do so. My brain needs concentration to fully grasp the main thought, I guess.

Nonetheless, I found out that I could read other stuffs as long as it does not contradict the one I’m currently studying. So, here’s my list of subjects: Theology, True Devotion to Our Lady, the current SSPX Asian newsletter, and part of Mystical City of God book 2.

As always, I’m busy and sometimes I just don’t know what to write given my hectic life. But I do know that somewhere along, I’ll always search my feelings, get a topic, and create another post here.

This Day

2007-05-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

I don’t know what happened but things changed. I wasn’t able to finish studying part of Theology as I started to study another religion. It makes up my small leisure time. And sometimes, I feel bad about it. I guess I’ll be studying both. I’ll try to divide my time between those two subjects.

Mom went to Davao yesterday. There, she’ll be meeting her doctors and I guess she did undergo lab tests last night. Mom is quite down as her bones are sometimes aching. That’s not good… So, please pray for my Mom.

I’ll be closing this month with 4 essays from people who lost their loved ones in the war of Iraq. I read these from the internet yesterday and I pitied them. It saddens me that they’re so young. Most of all, I was touched with these 4 true stories of American soldiers. I know I couldn’t do anything for them now that they’re gone but to offer prayers for their souls’ eternal rest. Please do as well. Thanks.

Ryan Montgomery Campbell
picture of Ryan Campbell
My son, Sgt Ryan Montgomery Campbell, was born November 7, 1978, in Enterprise, Alabama, the son of an Army helicopter pilot. Ryan grew up in California and Missouri, "making do" with few material possessions. He went on to graduate from college and planned to attend graduate school. He was killed in action in Iraq April 29, 2004 after being in country for 13 months. What I loved most about my son was his ability to get along with most anyone and his special affection for children, especially those who go without. He had wanted to make a difference in the lives of the children in Iraq. --Mary Ann MacCombie, Kirksville, MO (submitted on April 30, 2007)

Blain Ebert
picture of Blain Ebert
Blain Ebert was a cocky guy. We were in the same Bradley crew. I was the driver, he was the gunner. He outranked me by position. It angered me when he yelled at me, but he did have more expirience in the "track" and I respected that. We argued alot, but I still did what he said. He encouraged me to ask about the track, and showed me how to work the gun. We deployed to Iraq in 2004. One hot day, we were posted outside of a mosque. We looked for enemy activity but everything looked calm. He shared candy with me saying, "don't take the peanut butter cups, theyre mine." We then talked about family, the army, and life in general to pass time. As he whistled the song "Whos That Lady?" I heard a loud pop! I assumed it was gunfire and told him to get down. I felt relief when i saw him getting down. Then I realized that he was falling down, not getting down. I thought he was hurt, but by the way he fell i knew he was dead. He fell on me with a gunshot to the head. I remember holding him tightly and screameing "Ebert". I yelled at Smitty,(the driver) to turn on the track and get us out of there. I felt his blood trickle down my hands and legs covering the turret floor. For some reason, I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him to hit the floor. I didn't want to give the enemy the satisfaction of another fallen soldier. This may seem silly, but it made sense at the time. The entire way to the hospital, I remember crying in anger, yelling, and asking why he had to die. I thought of his wife, family, and what we talked about earlier. I told him he couldn't go. I looked for enemies while trying to talk to him. When we got to the hospital, Sgt. O and Sgt. T took him from my arms and I followed the stretcher. I stopped about half way and said to myself "Whats the use? He's already dead.". I sat on a chair at the entrance and began to cry. 5 minutes later, I felt someones arm around me. It was a Major trying to console me. He guided me into the hospital where I cried for a good while. Just when I was starting to calm down, the rest of the platoon came in the room. Spc. Bennedetto saw me and I stood right up. We looked at each other, and began to cry some more. The doctors let us say our last goodbyes to Ebert. We stacked hands and said our platoon motto in his honor: "Dark Knights, 1 team 1 fight!" There wasn't a dry eye in the room. The next day we were back out there, in the same spot, patrolling the same area. We finished our mission in febuary and brought honor to Ebert's name. He didn't die. He GAVE his life for a cause in wich he believed in. He left this earth sharing, singing, and teaching me how to be a better soldier. For that, I thank him. Everyday I thank God for the opportunity to be here. It could of been me that died that day. Why him and not me? I may never know the answer, but I'm grateful. I will think about that day as long as I live. I will honor Ebert every day I spend in the Army. Thanks for the honor of serving with you. God bless. --James Buscampell, Ft. Eustis, VA (submitted on May 12, 2007)

Justin Allan Rollins
picture of Justin Rollins
My son, SPC Justin Allan Rollins was KIA on March 5th, 2007, along with five other soldiers from the 82nd Airborne. They were killed by an IED. He was due home for his break, as he had been in Iraq since August 8th. That was the last time that I got to see my beautiful, loving son. My son gave up his life so that we could have our freedom. I am so proud of him, for being so strong. I mourn the plans he had of marriage, having children and living a full life. He was only 22 years old. My life has changed forever because of losing him. He was so vivacious, always fun to be around, and was such a good friend to all. He never complained the entire time he was in Iraq, except for the fact that he didn't get much time to sleep. He was on mission after mission. We owe all these brave men so much. I never thought that my son would be taken away from me. I love you so much Justin....and I am so proud of you! --Rhonda Rollins, Newport New Hampshire, NV (submitted on April 27, 2007)

Justin Allan Rollins (an animal lover)
Updated: 7:48 p.m. ET May 25, 2007 CONCORD, N.H. - The family of Army Spc. Justin Rollins finally got to hold one of the last things he held. A female puppy the 22-year-old nuzzled the night before his death in a roadside bombing in Iraq frolicked Friday in New Hampshire, completing a nearly 6,000-mile journey that Rollins' family and girlfriend began pushing for after seeing photos of him with a newborn litter. "It was the last bit of happiness Justin had," said Rollins' girlfriend, Brittney Murray. Rollins and some other soldiers from the 82nd Airborne found the puppies outside an Iraqi police station March 4 but weren't allowed to bring them back into their barracks. Rollins was killed the next day in Samarra. After Murray saw the photos, she sought help finding the short-haired dog, named Hero as a reminder of the man who planned to propose to her on his next visit home, she and his mother said. U.S. Rep. Paul Hodes contacted the U.S. Central Command, which ordered the 82nd to retrieve the pup and turn it over to delivery company DHL. Hero arrived Thursday night at Kennedy International Airport in New York, visited a veterinarian and arrived in New Hampshire overnight. The floppy-eared pooch — mostly white, with brown spots along the right side of its muzzle and paws still too big for its 15-pound body — was a hit Friday as she sniffed around Hodes' office, pausing to piddle on the carpet. Whether the mixed-breed puppy is the one in the photo didn't matter. Several people claimed credit for the dog's name, but everyone agreed it was a fitting tribute to Rollins, whose parents said he was always an animal lover. "We have a dog and three cats at home. When he was little, they all were on his bed," said his mother, Rhonda. Rollins was buried in Arlington National Cemetery with a baseball signed by Red Sox player David Ortiz, who met him last summer shortly before Rollins' unit was deployed. "He really did believe in what he was fighting for," Rhonda Rollins said of her paratrooper son. "I think he'd be thrilled there was a positive story from the negative thing that happened to us. ... He was such a happy-go-lucky guy." Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Nicholas J. Manoukian
picture of Nicholas Manoukian
In Honor and loving memory of my son Cpl Nicholas J.Manoukian,my "Fallen Warrior".As troops pass by in a parade he is just a tree in a forest of men.When he travels from his homeland to the heat of battle,he is just someone who fills a seat on the air transport.To the enemy he is just another faceless target to be eliminated. But this Warrior is more than just a number.He is the beautiful baby,an only child that filled his mother's heart with so much love that she easily devoted her life to him.He is the young boy who suffered the loss of his loving father at the tender age of 12 causing pain more intense that any wound in battle.He is the teenager who could get into mischievous trouble,charm the girls,and keep his friends laughing.He is the organizer of fun,the Artist that makes sketch paper and canvas come alive.He is the accomplished drummer,creator of rhythms that could make his drums resonate with brilliance.He is the romantic that writes poetry to the girl that is special to his heart..the girl that would compel him to ride a bicycle on just a wheel rim without a tire to complete the journey to her home.He is the romantic that proposes to her by celebrating all of the Holidays that they will miss together while he is deployed to Iraq for a second time,ending with sending her on an Easter egg hunt to find her ring in July.He is the Step Daddy to a 2 yr old little boy who as he grew would depend on him for guidance into manhood.He is the young man who commands respect and love from a stepfather who is proud to call him his son.He is a MARINE who is loyal to his brother warriors who love him for his wonderful sense of humor and always reaching out to others to help them in any possible way.He is the man tough enough in body and spirit to face the enemy for the freedom of his nation and still be able to tenderly say "I love you Mom".He is the cherished son, the joy and love of his Mom's entire world. Now this vibrant and talented young warrior has been taken from us by a heartless enely.Now we no longer hear his laughing voice or the rhythmic beat of his drum solos or the romantic whispers in the ear of his wife he so deeply loved.No longer can we see his strong stature,feel his rib smashing hugs, see his soft dark eyes and his beautiful smile that could light up a room. Nick gave life a gleam that most people only carry a glimpse of. Cpl Nicholas J.Manoukian known as "Manny" to his Marine brothers was born on August 31,1984 in Westland Michigan and killed in action in Ramadi Iraq Oct 21,2006 while out on patrol when an Improvise Explosive device detonated near his Humvee. Two of Nick's Marine brothers were also killed that October night and two were wounded. My beloved son Nick was promoted to Corporal and awarded the Purple Heart with Gold star and Navy Achievment Medal with combat "V" posthumously. Nick is gone from our world but he now lives with an eternal spirit in the presence of God.You are only a breath away.I love you son, Mom --Mary Manoukian Calhoun, Lathrup Village, MI (submitted on May 7, 2007)

Teaching

2007-05-30T13:08:00.001+08:00

I guess I dread teaching. Although I’m quick to learn but I hardly teach. I don’t know, but maybe because I ‘m the youngest. Frankly, it takes me a lot of minutes just to merely teach simple English verbs. Don’t try to ask me about Algebra or anything that involves mathematical functions. I might as well fall to my bed in tire of explaining it!

But if need be, I’m ready for it. Besides, the ability to learn is the ability to teach as well. I guess I just need time. I’ll try to learn how to teach others. Someday, I’ll find a way to my nemesis. One sure thing is the prayer made by St. Thomas Aquinas entitled “To Mary: For Success in Study”. It’s a good prayer to the Blessed Virgin Mary but one should also give his best and not simply rely on prayer. As St. James said: “faith without works is dead." The two should never be separable.

As I make my progress, I know I’d be making ends meet. I’ll learn and teach at the same time. Oh my, it would be very challenging and only God knows if I survive. If I do, I’d only say:” mihi vivere Christus est”!

Once Again

2007-05-24T06:14:00.000+08:00

Hey there! I’m so glad I’m back again. Last Saturday, there was a fiesta in honor of the chapel’s patron, Our Lady of Fatima. It was supposed to be on May 13, but they moved it due to political election! So crazy they did that. It’s as if those politicians are more important than Our Blessed Lady who bore our God, Jesus Christ. This one was indeed insulting to Our Lord, but what’s more was the irony of the fiesta! After the Rosary and the usual Novus Ordo Mass, the plaza (which was situated in front of the chapel exploded its full of pop, rock, disco music with loud speakers. All the way until 12 midnight. This is certainly not what Our Lady of Fatima asked for. She asks for our continued prayers and penances for mankind’s sins. Unfortunately, they’re just adding up and wounding Our Lady even more. It’s so blasphemous and they frequently do that. That night I asked pardon of God and pleaded for their conversion.

Next is, I finished doing my websites. Of course, I wouldn’t be here had I didn’t! Deo Gratias! Finally, I can relax and read other things on the computer. I think I’m eyeing on Theology. Sometime or when I feel I want, I’ll also do postings.

My brother had 2 days off and I grabbed the opportunity to have fun, talk with him, or whatever simple things we do when he’s still here before. However on Sunday, he and Mom went to Davao to hear Mass. Traveling there is certainly long hours. So it happened that our get together was short, nonetheless, it was happily lived. I’m much happier that he was able to receive Our Lord than spending time with us, siblings.

Oh, I guess I haven’t yet said that I already finished reading the Way of Perfection. It was indeed nice and I treasure every spiritual words from that book. It sanctified me more and helped me to bear all my trials with even more patience and dicretion. My gratitude goes to Mrs. Ghela for advising me to read it. Thank you so much!

Traversing Amidst Tribulations

2007-05-14T17:35:00.000+08:00

These days, I was very busy helping my brother who was hired to work last April 30. It was hard taking some of his responsibilities at home. Also, I was not accustomed in ironing men’s clothes. Compared to us, girls, my brother’s apparels are really big and time consuming. I’m still adjusting given my work schedule and prayers are also there too. Indeed, it was antagonizing but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for charity. After all, I believe everything is easily handled and done for God’s merciful love.

Mothers’ Day came and it was sort of dry and weird day. I never felt like this before on the past Mothers’ Days. And I just don’t know why I felt so empty. Though I have had a normal temperament. Nonetheless, Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom! Hope you find happiness and serenity of mind soon. Despite our great differences, I still and will forever love you, Mom, more than words could ever express.

I’m right at the moment creating websites. And there, I want to prioritize my time first since I only got a small time at present. I might not be able to be back for quite a long time but rest assured, I will not abandon this blog. I’ve started it and as long as it’s possible, I’ll continue it.

Before I go, let me share this story. I remember once I got angry to my sister who’s doing our laundry when I saw my clothes weren’t in the laundered things. I reprimanded her that my everyday clothes should be first since I’m early in taking bath. Ever since that, she did what I said and I can see it up to this day. Now, I feel so guilty about it. I realized how I should have kept myself as lowly as can be. I’m so ashamed that I was that fool and blind. Fool that I couldn’t aspire to be like our Divine Savior - Who was crucified innocently for mankind’s sake. Blind that I didn’t perceive it was Jesus who’s asking me to participate actively in His sufferings.

Yes, I had no graces at that time. Or maybe as I mature and grow older, the Blessed Virgin Mary is implanting on me the graces I need to remain humble and serve God better. I’m not sure if I have enough patience God requires of me as I still get a bit irritated on things I dislike. But with the assistance of my most Blessed Mother, I hope to strive better and increase my humility and patience more and more. I pray that I may never go astray again and that I continuously learn to bend my will to God’s Holy Will. It is a constant battle within my whole self and it’s the hardest warfare I ever know. I earnestly pray that God will grant me the necessary graces so as to win the road to sanctification wherein He may forever abide in me and I in Him.

Getting Updated

2007-05-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, our neighbor knocked to offer mangoes for 100 pesos. Mom said she’ll buy it on Monday as it’s still Sunday. But our neighbor returned and said she’ll leave it with us and get the payment tomorrow.

That same night, Mom talked to our Mormon neighbors and discussed religious things. They happened to meet along the road and there they talked. I think it’s quite uncomfortable as they’re standing. And Mom said they talked long. Wow.

Anyways, this morning those 2 Mormons came to our house and continued their talk. However, they had an argument that eventually led to ending of the talk. That’s bad.

Animals

2007-05-07T15:32:00.000+08:00

There is an animal foundation named St. Francis of Assisi Animal Rescue where some of the abandoned animals are sheltered. They need masters who’ll love and take care of them. Please do everything you can to help. If you don’t want to adopt one, please just give donations e.g. pet foods, towels, shampoos, vitamins, etc. Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Blessed Mother will certainly reward you for your generosity on these lovable creatures of Them. Thanks so much!

My Pets

2007-05-07T15:15:00.000+08:00

I’ve 7 dogs: siblings Michael Cherubim and Gabrielle Seraphim, and their pups Judiel Thrones, Uriel Dominations, Sealtiel Powers, Michaela (who was suffocated by its placenta), and Barachiel Virtues. They’re very energetic, like us, and were happy to be with us all the time. Well, that’s how our dogs were and they gave me unconditional love.

Having animal demands a lot of responsibilities. Nonetheless, it’s worth the effort. Animals, most especially our dogs, are very loyal and sweet. They’d lick you, play with you, bark when there’s a stranger, or simply follow you wherever.

It was such a horrible blow when they passed away late 2003. When we migrated to Mindanao, they had caught canine distemper. Our 2nd vet tried everything to save them but one by one the disease slowly took their lives. I felt helpless. I didn’t know where to turn to save in prayer. With tears flowing in my eyes, I watched them as they’re being buried. I couldn’t believe they’re already gone. But then, I realized God willed all these things to happen as we’re already incapable of having 6 dogs here in our small apartment.

We fondly took a lot of pictures of them. Even to the point that Mom and Dad got irritated about it. “Naku, puro aso na naman ang kinnunan nyo,” (Sigh, it’s all doggie pictures that you took once again), they commented as they browse on the developed photos. Now that they’re gone, we gathered all their pictures and realized how regrettable it is that we have but only few. These photographs are the only thing we have on our beloved dogs. For only 3 years of company, they left me still longing for more. It was abrupt but I would say it was happily lived. Michael, Seraphim, Judiel, Uriel, Sealtiel, and Barachiel will certainly live forever in my heart.

Since then, I also try to feed the stray dogs and cats around our area. And sometimes they come again to beg. By the way, I would like to say here that I also love the Hollywood dogs. Among them are Ben Affleck’s dogs named Angel, Hutch, and Martha Stewart; and Orlando Bloom’s dogs named Sidi, Maude, and Guero. They’re very cute and will make you smile or laugh! Indeed, I take pleasure on their pictures!

All About My Day

2007-05-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

It’s Sunday and my blog is one week already. I can’t believe that writing has become my pleasure already. I’m glad about it and I do hope I’ll be able to continue this! Well, only God knows.Saturday saw me composing a story about my Dad. Author Gary E. Lang contacted me here about his upcoming dad and daughter book. So I made one and sent it to him this morning. For those who want to contribute – Dad and daughters specifically – feel free to find him elsewhere in this blog network. Or if you can’t, just contact me here and I’ll give you his email.

Early morning I was able to do some postings. Though I find out that my pc was hanging most of the time. It’s quite malfunctioning and I don’t know what’s wrong. Perhaps spams and other cookies…

This afternoon as I’m typing, the day is sunny and not a single wind is blowing. Indeed, I’m perspiring! Whew! It’s terrible. Late at night after my work and I completely retire, I’m surely going to find a breeze, where I’d feel fresh once again.

Living in Mindanao

2007-05-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

The apartment where we currently live is called Townhouse. It has 10 apartments – 5 on each row and the front door is facing the other apartment’s front door. In between is the walkway or car park. And the water tank is just above the “guard house” which comprises the walkway’s width. Since our apartment is beside the tank, the owner’s nephew came yesterday to do some cleaning of the main pipe which was situated at our side garden.

We live here for 3 1/2 years already. The place is called Triniville Subdivision, Block 2, and our road would just be cemented only now. When we arrived here, I was disgusted. I felt like I was thrown into a local jail. Our previous apartment was absolutely different from this. People commented that our place there was paradise. Here, it’s not only small, but the bathroom even looked like a communal cr. Indeed, I couldn’t imagine living here. I mean sleeping, bathing, eating, praying, and doing just every simple things. I wanted to turn back but common sense told me I couldn’t. I cried when I knew I’ll be staying here already. To make things worse, our 6 dogs which we carried all the way, died due to canine distemper around the vicinity. It’s horrible and I felt like my whole world stopped.

On October 2003, Fr. Cacho blessed our apartment along with the adjacent side garden. Fast forward 2005, I’d say I’m doing well here. Our bathroom was kind of renovated and it’s beautiful already. Of course, I did adjust. With only 2 bedrooms, that means I have to be with my other sisters and Mom, where my brothers would be on the other room. With the different dialect called “Illongo”, I finally learned to understand simple words and cooperate with tricycle drivers or bystanders to survive. With so many Moslems (and even Muslim politicians) here and so few Catholic Churches, I stood firm on my Catholic faith. That this place belongs to the Philippines Islands and not to the Moslems.

It was backward here – but this year, the national athletes’ game was held here. It is good to say that finally this city is improving. Though I understand some “Illongo”, I don’t speak it, nor will I ever do. I want to retain my “Tagalog” and they in turn were forced to speak our national language. There’s only one good news here: prices. Prices are very low here. You’ll be surprised how a cabbage costs for only 10 pesos while in Luzon it’s 25 pesos! Fruits are very affordable too! I think it’s abundant here. Deo Gratias! My Mom grew big (though trimmed down) here, and I’m happy the way she looks despite her age! People thought she’s only 36!

In conclusion, I would say it’s a blessing in disguise my Mom decided to move here. It made me closer to God that I could never have found in Manila. Though, I was praying the 15 decades of the Rosary, I was so busy with the world. But now, I’ve changed and if ever I’ll return to my hometown in Manila, I guess I would never compromise my intimacy with God to my relatives and friends there. He gave me the strength to overcome difficulties here; He comforted me when I was sad here, and many other things but most especially, He showed me the right disposition in life.

Easter Appeal

2007-05-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

[Fr. Purdy sent me this a month ago. I thought of publishing it here so that many people would read this. Please forward this to others as well. It’s never too late to give donations. So please donate too. Thanks! – Editor’s note ]

St. Bernard Novitiate Easter Appeal

Dear Friends and Benefactors,

St. Bernard Novitiate is a house of formation for the Brothers of the Society of St. Pius X. The formation of Religious vocations, as well as assisting in the formation of Priestly vocations is the very reason of being of the Society of St. Pius X, established by His Grace Archbishop Lefebvre. These vocations bring countless graces to Holy Mother Church, likewise countless graces to you as members of the Church.

The Novitiate is located in the central part of the Philippines, set in the agrarian countryside. The main means of supporting ourselves is a farm. On this farm the brothers work with the raising of pigs and fruit trees (mainly bananas). The work is quite conducive to the formation of religious and can be likened to the monasteries of the Middle Ages.

There are several projects which are put on hold due to lack of funds. Our piggery needs to be expanded for the growing number of pigs. Expanding the piggery will allow us to have more sows, which in turn means more piglets to sell to support ourselves in the future.

Our water system needs an overhaul. Our water pressure is very weak, there are many leaks in the line, and it is time we revamp the filtration system to ensure clean water. That will mean constructing a new pump-house and putting new tanks in the house to give good pressure. Many water lines will also need to be redone due to the number of leaks.

These past couple of weeks we have been working on a long-needed renovation of the main floor of the building. The walls dividing the various rooms had been constructed in a temporary way, being made of rice board. Rice board is two inches thick, containing rice straw in the interior. Unfortunately, termites find a welcome home in them, as also does the humidity of the wet season. In this renovation new walls of concrete have been made. New doors are also being put in. However, the costs of completing the project are more than we can shoulder, especially the new floor. At present, the floor is concrete and awaiting new tile. The brothers and priests have worked together to save as much as possible in labor costs. Things that require professional work require us to hire masons and tile workers.

Our house is likewise in desperate need of painting. Concrete hollow blocks in the Philippines are made very cheaply, and due to severe weather changes of wet and dry and intense heat, unless properly maintained, the house crumbles down around us. It is a job we intend to do ourselves. However, the Novitiate is a large building and will need many gallons of paint. The need is pressing, for it is a task that must be accomplished during the dry season, which ends by the end of May!

The upstairs, which now houses all the brothers, has many rooms which need to be completed. This has been a project dragged out for months due to little funding.

There is the intention of moving our laundry room to a more convenient location than in the kitchen. In order to accomplish this we will also have to redo the water lines. The laundry room at present is about the size of most American bathrooms, this to accommodate 20 members of the community!

During this Easter Season, we make an appeal to you for your financial assistance. Many of you are familiar with our needs; many have seen the pictures and presentation of our life here. Our livelihood depends entirely upon you, our dear benefactors. Very little assistance comes to us from within the Philippines, being such a poor country. Our Mother House in Menzingen provides us with a monthly allowance. With a community of 20 members, the allowance just covers our monthly food bill. All of the other bills (electric, phone, wages for our workers, weekly diesel consumption, simple repairs and maintenance, etc., etc.) often put us in a very difficult situation.

In return for your generosity we continue to remember you in our prayers. Also, I will offer a novena of Masses for the success and thanksgiving for this appeal during the Octave of Pentecost. The intention will be specifically for those who contribute to this appeal.

Wishing you a holy Paschaltide.

In the Hearts of Jesus and Mary,
Fr. Adam Purdy

Interesting and Uplifting

2007-05-03T14:34:00.000+08:00

I visited the SSPX Asia website and saw many wonderful news. It can all be summarized on one topic: vocations! I was glad to see that 3 Filipinos left for Holy Cross Seminary in Australia to study Holy Priesthood. They joined the other Filipino seminarian, Nino Nakila from Bohol or Cebu, who’s a year ahead of them, I guess. Their names are Messrs. Giovanni Escamilla from Palawan, Mark Lomod from Bohol, and the other one I still don't know the name. I’ll be counting on them! God willing after 6 years they’re Ambassadors of God already!

I love vocations and I’m all for that despite the fact that my parents dislike it. I guess the more I’m pressured, the more I’m stronger and resolute to try. Those gentlemen are encouraging me and give me a brighter hope. Wow, these men are great for choosing no other occupation than to be servants of God! They’re brave and lucky enough that their parents agreed or let them simply go! I hope the religious vocations would grow even bigger that every parish have10 priests or more to administer the Sacraments for the faithful! That’s my dream!

Anyways, since I’ve started it already, let me take this opportunity to introduce to you the 8 SSPX Filipino (Filipinos!) priests. Fr. Joven Soliman from Bicol who’s Prior in the Philippines’ Our Lady of Victories Church (OLVC); Fr. Emerson Salvador from Bulacan who’s assigned in Singapore; Fr. Aurelito Cacho from Bohol who’s assigned in OLVC; Fr. Carlo Magno Saa from Osamiz who’s assigned in Zimbabwe; Fr. Gerard Fallarcuna from Manila who’s assigned in Mexico; Fr.Albert Ghela from Koronadal who’s assigned in the St. Bernard Noviciate in Iloilo; Fr. Roy Dolotina from Bohol (again!) who’s assigned in OLVC; Fr. Fidel Ferrer from Marikina who’s assigned in Argentina. Wow, finally I was able to put a period there! Well, that’s how those 8 priests are situated at present. All for the love of God!!!

Cherishing Most

2007-05-03T14:14:00.000+08:00

What are the things you cherished most? As for me, aside from Holy Mass, it's my Brown Scapular, the Holy Water, the Rosary, and the Holy Cord of St. Joseph. My Brown Scapular as it gives me spiritual happiness; the Holy Water as it helps me to be a better Christian; the Rosary as it brings me closer to my Blessed Mother; the Holy Cord as it protects my chastity.

Sometimes, I just couldn’t imagine myself without it. I feel like a wanderer, not knowing where to go, or where he is. That if not guided by the Divine Light, the soul will lead to a mud staining itself with all kinds of dirt and germs too. It’s so contagious that it leaves the soul weary and weak to clean itself. Nor can it fight them away. But only through the wellspring which abundantly flows from the Blessed Virgin Mary. With her continuous intercession, the soul will become strong and reconsider itself. It might not be as spotless as it was before but it will be an experience it won’t forget. The will learn to be competent and refuse the dark road. It reminds the soul that eternal salvation is first and foremost. That it could meet the Divine Judge anytime soon. Indeed, living a saintly life and achieving it is a treasure that one couldn’t ask for more.

Blog My Blog

2007-05-02T13:52:00.000+08:00

Things aren’t going well here. Mom is agitated and everything just flows on a sad direction… It’s crazy and how I wish I could place a barrier between this and that… But no, I wouldn’t or attempt to change what God wants… His ways are not our ways.

I wonder how could I find a way to make this day a better one. Maybe, I’ll read the book I mentioned earlier if I finish my work already. Or probably read the SSPX Asia Newsletter. Maybe, I’ll be posting… Or perhaps just try to help others…

It’s a bit downer right now but I promised I wouldn’t let myself be committed. I’ll keep my day as good as I can make.

Uncle Boyet Aldovino

2007-05-02T12:55:00.000+08:00

The brother of my uncle’s wife died last Monday, April 30. Uncle Boyet was driving a motorbike for work when he met a tragic accident in Laguna. The car of a Chinese scientist immediately u-turned that hit my uncle. I think he died instantly as he was terribly hit. From his bike, his body was thrown off into the car’s rear then fell down. The Chinese, however, went to the police and reported the incident. He explained how he was such in a hurry for forgetting something that he suddenly u-turned.

Since my uncle hails from Mindanao, his coffin will be flown all the way from Manila to his Bukidnon hometown where he will be laid down in peace. Uncle Boyet was a bachelor and (I think) on his early 40’s. Please pray for his soul as I pity him. Eternal rest grant unto Mr. Boyet Aldovino’s soul, oh Lord, and let Thy perpetual light shine upon him. Amen.

Ups and Downs

2007-05-02T12:17:00.000+08:00

[This one is supposed to be on May 1st. However, I could not connect here yesterday. Anyhow, here is it - Editor's note]

It’s the first day of the month and it’s summer vacation already. It’s what we call “bakasyon na naman” (vacation once more) here. Being a tropical country, I’m sure people here – young and old alike – are on their way or planning ahead their summer getaway. Hmm… Beaches, sand, surfing, scuba diving, etc… As for me, I personally don’t like summer as I don’t like getting tanned. Though, I like beaches… I much prefer winter season a lot. You know, those cold days where you have to wear scarves and gloves and where you can build Mr. Snowman or simply have fun with snow/snowflakes! Yes, I’m much a Caucasian than an Asian. I don’t know but I quite admire the Caucasian life… nonetheless, I’m Asian in many way too… Like my types of food – I love rice rather than bread. I feel like bread is just for breakfast or snack time but seldom on meal times. And when I haven’t eaten rice, I’m not that energized. Like I am half-charged!

Anyways, this month of May is very significant to me for 2 reasons… It’s because Mother’s Day is just weeks ahead and the other one is… I think it’s better for you not to know. Secret!

It was such a bad (I mean, really bad) thing that Mom didn’t take the lab tests yesterday. She reasoned that we need to be thrifty at present. I hope she’d undergo those lab requests soon.

I’m planning to work in Makati as I was called for a job interview there. They called me again yesterday about that. However, I still have to talk to my Dad. He doesn’t want me to go there. I’m still hoping against hope that he’d change his mind, though. I hope Divine Providence will move his heart soon.

I happened to chance upon the SSPX official website and saw their semi annual Christendom magazine. I was surprised and happy to see that their front cover is the SSPX District of Asia! And most priests there are from my native country!

Hanging Around Here

2007-04-30T13:45:00.000+08:00

My mom went to Davao for her sickness. She’ll going to meet her doctors there I guess. Also, she’ll talk to a dietician there.

It is the country’s year of election. And the politicians and wanna be politicians are campaigning noisily. It’s crazy that they have to put loud speakers as if the people are deaf. My gosh! They’re indeed deafening the people! Here in this country, it’s election time every 3 years… So you can just imagine what happens here every 3 years!

As for me, I’m still here. Later on, I guess I’ll be doing something in Adobe Photoshop. I also plan to do posting soon! Then, maybe I could make my websites.

Sigh… I got a lot of work. Sometimes, I don’t have time to do what I want as I also try to be generous to others.

Recently, I’m into reading the book entitled Way of Perfection by St. Teresa of Avila. It actually has 42 chapters and I’m already on chapter 31. I have to confess, though, that I haven’t moving yet for quite many days already.

The Latin Mass

2007-04-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

the Latin Mass picture
I cling to the Latin Tridentine Mass under the spiritual guidance of the SSPX fathers.

It is where I receive my God and Savior. It is where I nourish my soul with abundant treasures from God. I feel sad I haven't yet gone to Mass for a long time now. It's like my soul is sick that it needs the Divine Physician...

Oh, Blessed Virgin Mary, my Mother, permit me never to be separated from Thy Son!

The Blogging Girl

2007-04-29T18:44:00.000+08:00

this day, i'm so happy to see that the Ben Affleck forum i created have some postings by other members! i hope it'll be as active as the other one... it's still a days old... so please join me therehttp://forums.fanhost.com/showthread.php?t=165203 you'll find out that you don't have to be a fan... you'll soon find fun there... thanks!