Last Friday night, my father had been unconscious. Thanks to his friend, he was rushed to the hospital. We were shocked to hear the news a few hours afterwards since he was all far alone in Mindanao outskirts for a business trip as usual. Why does it have to happen there now that we were all back in Manila?
It was indeed a great turmoil but we were relieved to know that he was resuscitated and was transferred to the ICU. The following morning, my mother accompanied by my brothers took the second earliest flight and flew to Cagayan de Oro City to be at our father’s bedside.
But that left us all alone. Ever since they left, a sense of quietness appeared in every corner of the home. It wasn’t hectic as the usual morning day. My brothers’ room was silent with only hush of wind blowing from time to time. The dining room was incomplete yet peaceful. Everything was finally without chaos. Yet deep in my heart, I knew I do crave for this atmosphere but not with the risk of someone dying. Indeed, I pondered and asked myself if I was still on the right track with Our Lord.
Ever since November of last year, my life has been very busy. I was sent to school to study more and gain more knowledge. But with knowledge comes a great responsibility. Having chosen medical transcription, we were required to memorize medical terms of a certain branch of medicine given a week’s time. I exerted all my effort to master it and asked God’s forgiveness for not being able to give more time to Him than I usually do. I miss it but I can’t help it either. I need to recompense what my parents are paying for my tuition.
But as time goes by, I felt dissipated. I began to long for inner peace which the classroom couldn’t give. Activities e.g. teamwork and role playing were all but nonsensical since it wasn’t correlated to God. I was sick and tired of praises and laughs that’s only deafening me. Although I love what I was studying, time and time again, I had this exhaustion while doing nothing really great. Illogical as it may seem but I was concentrated yet disturbed at the same time. I knew I need a way out. Every time I returned home, I longed to read the spiritual books and articles that used to enlighten me. Yet I was left without a choice. I’ve to pick up my modular book again and read and read to make it on next week’s exam. My only consolation was the weekly words of the priests in the confessional and in the pulpit. I try to repeat it oftentimes on my mind so that it echoes wherever I go or whatever I do.
Now that I had informed my school administrator of the family crisis and excused myself, I was too glad tossing off my medical text books and exchanged it to spiritual ones. It was a pleasure reading it as I could see where my life is really at. As I re-read the Soul of the Apostolate by Dom Chautard, I was finally refreshed. I returned back to my 15 minute meditation and resumed my 15 decade Rosary. Indeed, I saw myself in the book. My soul is wandering, weary and drifting out. It is alive yet dry and can almost be considered as dead. For the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion are not enough for the Catholic soul. In order to maintain the soul’s vitality and Christ living in it, one has to take a break from the usual routine and enter deeply into one’s life through meditation. As the book rightly says, we need not talk and talk to God all the time. Rather, let God do the talking. He wants us to be silent that He may be able to communicate to us His will. His loving command is sweet that it is only the coward who does not heed. It was then I regained my vibrancy and became aware again that active works can only be meritorious if interior life is not neglected. I felt like I was back to grade I but was too happy ignoring my stage. I felt like a little child again with innocence and simplicity at its best.
Indeed, this world gives nothing but allurements which cannot totally satisfy any individual, much more its soul. One cannot concentrate on one’s goal without first shutting the world behind for it is only the Creator Who brought nothing into existence. Hence, the need for His ways. And this I have fully experienced during the past months at school. Any school has no wish but to make the student brighter in this world but duller in God’s life. There are few exceptions, though, such as the SSPX schools. But in most cases, the pupil will be flooded with materialism and egoism forgetting, if not ignoring, God’s words.
Hence, I was far too glad that I had a break from school. It was a blessing in disguise that my father is hospitalized. Though, I pray that he recover soon and be back to normal, both he and I indeed need to be revived from poison. He, from his uncontrolled diet and I, from my sunken soul. As the day continues to pass, I have come to fully appreciate again God’s wonderful ways. I need not worry about anything if I but follow His ways. Arduous as it may be, it is the sweetest and surest way my soul will eventually reach perfect bliss with God in eternity.
Oh Lord my God, I thank Thee for all the blessings Thou hast bestowed upon Thy maid. Let me learn to always keep intact my meditation no matter what situation arises. Teach me to be at pace so that I have time for my daily meditation. Thou art wonderful in everything and I can’t help but express my gratitude for stirring me up when I was about to lose control.
Oh my Blessed Mother, I thank thee for ever supporting me during those tepid months. Indeed, how wonderful is thy Rosary for through it, I was saved from totally abandoning thy Divine Son! Amen.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Fulfillment
One can never catch the many months that passed by so as to write it down here. Indeed, it’s more than half a year since I last posted and how I miss gathering my thoughts.
Ever since returning home to Manila last February, I was even busy with my life. Still, I made it a point to finish my prayers. It has been a sense of fulfillment to me despite not being able to blog here.
Manila was indeed my home but Mindanao taught me many lessons. I was indeed grateful on my 7 long years stay there. Things aren’t costly and fruits are so abundant you can eat it everyday. I actually lost my appetite on fruits already due to this! Mindanao became my 2nd home and I definitely won’t get lost there if I were to come back again. People are charming there and would always love to chit-chat with everyone. My Mindanao experience was worth remembering indeed.
But Manila is awesome for this was the very root where I got converted to Sacred Catholic Tradition. Mindanao surely strengthened my Catholic Faith and I realized more than ever that I prefer to be with God’s presence than those entire tall scrapers rising amidst this country’s capital.
Fulfillment is something that we call our very existence of living. For if we do not live to fulfill it, we feel like not living at all. As for me, my fulfillment is to be everything what God wants me to be. And I might say that I’m half to fulfilling it. For with each day passing by, there’s a desire to fulfill. But if God doesn’t want it yet, we’d certainly ran out of course and end up waiting for the next day to arrive.
Such is my life these days. I live, knowing my goals and keeping myself at tracked. And if I but failed it, I may be distressed but in the end of the day, there’s a whisper echoing at me that tomorrow is there to attain it once more.
Life is not what we expect it to be but what we must accept and reflect it to be what God deigns it to be. Such should be our daily motivation that in this world, there’d be less evil and more good.
What can be nobler than to love Him Who loved us first? And what could be lovelier to do than to do what He wants us to do? But one cannot simply find it alone. One needs to get the grace which mostly can be found in the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion. There and there, can only one realize the true meaning of life here on earth. It’s a war to wage - a spiritual fight against materialism.
Oh Blessed Virgin and St. Joseph, grant me thy graces that I may find Our Lord comfortable in my heart. I am all thine, and grant that thy desires would also be mine! Amen.
Ever since returning home to Manila last February, I was even busy with my life. Still, I made it a point to finish my prayers. It has been a sense of fulfillment to me despite not being able to blog here.
Manila was indeed my home but Mindanao taught me many lessons. I was indeed grateful on my 7 long years stay there. Things aren’t costly and fruits are so abundant you can eat it everyday. I actually lost my appetite on fruits already due to this! Mindanao became my 2nd home and I definitely won’t get lost there if I were to come back again. People are charming there and would always love to chit-chat with everyone. My Mindanao experience was worth remembering indeed.
But Manila is awesome for this was the very root where I got converted to Sacred Catholic Tradition. Mindanao surely strengthened my Catholic Faith and I realized more than ever that I prefer to be with God’s presence than those entire tall scrapers rising amidst this country’s capital.
Fulfillment is something that we call our very existence of living. For if we do not live to fulfill it, we feel like not living at all. As for me, my fulfillment is to be everything what God wants me to be. And I might say that I’m half to fulfilling it. For with each day passing by, there’s a desire to fulfill. But if God doesn’t want it yet, we’d certainly ran out of course and end up waiting for the next day to arrive.
Such is my life these days. I live, knowing my goals and keeping myself at tracked. And if I but failed it, I may be distressed but in the end of the day, there’s a whisper echoing at me that tomorrow is there to attain it once more.
Life is not what we expect it to be but what we must accept and reflect it to be what God deigns it to be. Such should be our daily motivation that in this world, there’d be less evil and more good.
What can be nobler than to love Him Who loved us first? And what could be lovelier to do than to do what He wants us to do? But one cannot simply find it alone. One needs to get the grace which mostly can be found in the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Communion. There and there, can only one realize the true meaning of life here on earth. It’s a war to wage - a spiritual fight against materialism.
Oh Blessed Virgin and St. Joseph, grant me thy graces that I may find Our Lord comfortable in my heart. I am all thine, and grant that thy desires would also be mine! Amen.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
New Year! New Me?
That was the first question I asked myself the moment I realized it’s already a new year. Can I really fair even better this time around?
Lest I’d be misunderstood, Id’ like to stress that I’m not after worldly honors e.g. new get up, new personality or even a new religion! Absolutely no! It’s about being a little step closer to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary.
I know I scored better last year but still, it wasn’t good. Rather, I know it wasn’t my best yet. So now, I’m starting again eliminating the bad things in me. But which one is first? This impatience or that tepidity? This pop music or that nicey movie? It’s not easy to discern since somewhere along, I know I’d be falling on the same plane again - half half on either side. Well, there must be a remedy for this. And I better figure it out. I must figure it out.
In his sermon last Sunday, I was touched on how Fr. MacPherson related man’s gradual falling to something bad and eventually leading him to the wrong path. Without grace, man can easily be led astray. At first, you dread the bad thing, then you pitied it, then as time comes, you embrace it unknowingly. He sounded logical since human intellect tells us that you pity something that’s dreadful and of course, pitying something would naturally bring you into half accepting it and soon into wholly accepting it. [This can never be an act of charity since God is charity. And everything that belongs to God is good. Therefore, charity is asking us to love the sinner and not the sin. But in the previous formula, man ended loving both the sinner and the sin which again would bring us to contradiction with the meaning of charity.]
Such was the thing I needed most. And I felt like God was talking right exactly to my heart. He wanted me to pursue my plans of being more sanctified and pious. Never mind how many times I’ve fallen. What matters most is that sincerity of heart to ask pardon at the confessional and at the same time to strive harder to be better.
As this year commences, I shall always keep in mind his sermon. I know I might get easily distracted with all those worldliness around, but with his sermon on mind, I shall always look back to consider my soul very carefully. Things can be easier said than done - hence I wouldn’t be boastful that I’ll be doing my best now but just a little better this time. As hastiness makes waste, I shall only be glad to obligingly walk the speed Our Lady asks me to do so as to attain that holiness that Our Lord expects from me.
Oh Blessed Virgin, Mother of God, grant me the grace to keep the pace of sanctity constantly and wholeheartedly. I humbly beg thee to teach me when I’m confused, strengthen me when I’m tempted, and most especially to assist me wherever my feet tread on and whatever my life’s circumstances will be! Amen.
Lest I’d be misunderstood, Id’ like to stress that I’m not after worldly honors e.g. new get up, new personality or even a new religion! Absolutely no! It’s about being a little step closer to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary.
I know I scored better last year but still, it wasn’t good. Rather, I know it wasn’t my best yet. So now, I’m starting again eliminating the bad things in me. But which one is first? This impatience or that tepidity? This pop music or that nicey movie? It’s not easy to discern since somewhere along, I know I’d be falling on the same plane again - half half on either side. Well, there must be a remedy for this. And I better figure it out. I must figure it out.
In his sermon last Sunday, I was touched on how Fr. MacPherson related man’s gradual falling to something bad and eventually leading him to the wrong path. Without grace, man can easily be led astray. At first, you dread the bad thing, then you pitied it, then as time comes, you embrace it unknowingly. He sounded logical since human intellect tells us that you pity something that’s dreadful and of course, pitying something would naturally bring you into half accepting it and soon into wholly accepting it. [This can never be an act of charity since God is charity. And everything that belongs to God is good. Therefore, charity is asking us to love the sinner and not the sin. But in the previous formula, man ended loving both the sinner and the sin which again would bring us to contradiction with the meaning of charity.]
Such was the thing I needed most. And I felt like God was talking right exactly to my heart. He wanted me to pursue my plans of being more sanctified and pious. Never mind how many times I’ve fallen. What matters most is that sincerity of heart to ask pardon at the confessional and at the same time to strive harder to be better.
As this year commences, I shall always keep in mind his sermon. I know I might get easily distracted with all those worldliness around, but with his sermon on mind, I shall always look back to consider my soul very carefully. Things can be easier said than done - hence I wouldn’t be boastful that I’ll be doing my best now but just a little better this time. As hastiness makes waste, I shall only be glad to obligingly walk the speed Our Lady asks me to do so as to attain that holiness that Our Lord expects from me.
Oh Blessed Virgin, Mother of God, grant me the grace to keep the pace of sanctity constantly and wholeheartedly. I humbly beg thee to teach me when I’m confused, strengthen me when I’m tempted, and most especially to assist me wherever my feet tread on and whatever my life’s circumstances will be! Amen.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Guillain–Barré Syndrome
I was shocked to know that Fr. Salvador is having this sickness. It was dreadful to realize since it can paralyze the whole body as it slowly progresses. My mind was bewildered thinking on what lies ahead on Fr. Salvador’s life.
Looking back, Fr. Salvador was the very first Filipino Society priest I had known ever since my family got converted to Catholic Tradition. This priest, who was the second Filipino Society priest, was just spending his second year priesthood life way back then at Our Lady of Victories Church in Manila. It was then we got to know his vibrant and high spirited character. His easy going manners exactly fitted him to various countries in Asia doing missionary work and it even led him as far as the deserts of Africa. Indeed, his 11 years in the priesthood certainly gave him a colorful missionary life.
Hence, I couldn’t imagine him being paralyzed. One faithful told us that his left side is already paralyzed and a priest informed that he’s on the hospital recovering. Oh well, this must have been his first Christmas without a mission. Aside from his sickness, he must have probably been suffering terribly from his different status in life.
Yet I know there should always be a light of hope. I kept praying for him the moment I learned it on Christmas eve. I know that prayers are not man’s wishes being done on earth but God’s will. Thus, I’ve been asking God to give Father the necessary graces to accept anything as an offering to Him. I know he can grasp it since he loved God so purely that he chose to be an Alter Christus more than anything. Yet, human weakness is ever present and this is the one thing I’m afraid about him. The best thing I could offer him now is the Mass. I hope and pray that he’ll never fall into desperation and that through all oddities, he may still regain his vigor of youthful vivacity and simplicity.
Oh Blessed Virgin, grant that thou would shower Father multiple graces in his present situation. May it please the Most Triune God to restore him perfectly to his normal condition. But if not, I ask that thou continue intercede for his behalf that he may be faithful to his sublime vocation till thou welcome him on the eternal bliss of Heaven! Amen.
Looking back, Fr. Salvador was the very first Filipino Society priest I had known ever since my family got converted to Catholic Tradition. This priest, who was the second Filipino Society priest, was just spending his second year priesthood life way back then at Our Lady of Victories Church in Manila. It was then we got to know his vibrant and high spirited character. His easy going manners exactly fitted him to various countries in Asia doing missionary work and it even led him as far as the deserts of Africa. Indeed, his 11 years in the priesthood certainly gave him a colorful missionary life.
Hence, I couldn’t imagine him being paralyzed. One faithful told us that his left side is already paralyzed and a priest informed that he’s on the hospital recovering. Oh well, this must have been his first Christmas without a mission. Aside from his sickness, he must have probably been suffering terribly from his different status in life.
Yet I know there should always be a light of hope. I kept praying for him the moment I learned it on Christmas eve. I know that prayers are not man’s wishes being done on earth but God’s will. Thus, I’ve been asking God to give Father the necessary graces to accept anything as an offering to Him. I know he can grasp it since he loved God so purely that he chose to be an Alter Christus more than anything. Yet, human weakness is ever present and this is the one thing I’m afraid about him. The best thing I could offer him now is the Mass. I hope and pray that he’ll never fall into desperation and that through all oddities, he may still regain his vigor of youthful vivacity and simplicity.
Oh Blessed Virgin, grant that thou would shower Father multiple graces in his present situation. May it please the Most Triune God to restore him perfectly to his normal condition. But if not, I ask that thou continue intercede for his behalf that he may be faithful to his sublime vocation till thou welcome him on the eternal bliss of Heaven! Amen.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tis the Season
Christmas is here once again. Carolers are around every night and each night beams beautiful lights of Christmas trees with serenading Christmas songs. Yeah, all this makes me sick since I got a lot of sad Christmas experiences - from my family to personal life.
But this time around, something different struck me. The priest at the confessional advised that I should be generous. Thus, setting aside emotional feelings and far from childish dreams of Santa Claus and gifts, I’m going to reflect about what it truly takes to have a Christmas full of God’s undying love.
The 3 questions that I’m about to write down here are quite simple and need I add sounded more of an examination of conscience. Simple as it seems but it has a value that outweighs its unimportance.
1. Am I already prepared in receiving Baby Jesus in my heart?
2. Do I try as much as possible to avoid sin so that I could at least give Him a clean soul as a birthday present?
3. Have I done worthy actions to merit His presence on Christmas?
Of course, I know it’s too hard to be perfect in everything. But it can never be an excuse not to give your best to Him Who subjected Himself to our wretched humanity. So now that a few days left before Christmas, I’d try to be even generous, diligent, and patient to the people around me. I should try to forget about myself and be accessible to others while at the same time without forgetting my duties towards God. It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever give to Him. In fact, the best Christmas gift I could ever long for.
As the priest rightly said at the confessional, Our Lord didn’t mind Himself being born on a lowly dwelling but thought of the people He’d redeem through His human life. Hence, with simple and insignificant deeds, I shall weave my basket of love ready to be placed next to Our Savior’s manger.
Oh Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph, thou who prepared Jesus’ place on earth, assist me to have a clean and serene heart on Christmas day that Christ may be able to find in me another place to rest His tender Body! Amen.
But this time around, something different struck me. The priest at the confessional advised that I should be generous. Thus, setting aside emotional feelings and far from childish dreams of Santa Claus and gifts, I’m going to reflect about what it truly takes to have a Christmas full of God’s undying love.
The 3 questions that I’m about to write down here are quite simple and need I add sounded more of an examination of conscience. Simple as it seems but it has a value that outweighs its unimportance.
1. Am I already prepared in receiving Baby Jesus in my heart?
2. Do I try as much as possible to avoid sin so that I could at least give Him a clean soul as a birthday present?
3. Have I done worthy actions to merit His presence on Christmas?
Of course, I know it’s too hard to be perfect in everything. But it can never be an excuse not to give your best to Him Who subjected Himself to our wretched humanity. So now that a few days left before Christmas, I’d try to be even generous, diligent, and patient to the people around me. I should try to forget about myself and be accessible to others while at the same time without forgetting my duties towards God. It’s the best Christmas gift I could ever give to Him. In fact, the best Christmas gift I could ever long for.
As the priest rightly said at the confessional, Our Lord didn’t mind Himself being born on a lowly dwelling but thought of the people He’d redeem through His human life. Hence, with simple and insignificant deeds, I shall weave my basket of love ready to be placed next to Our Savior’s manger.
Oh Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph, thou who prepared Jesus’ place on earth, assist me to have a clean and serene heart on Christmas day that Christ may be able to find in me another place to rest His tender Body! Amen.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
St. Vincent Strambi’s Home for the Aged
Situated near the Mindanao Medical Center and with cemented roads surrounded with tall grasses of some sort, there stood an institution specifically meant for the neglected old and which was founded and run by the Passionist priests once again. This had become our 5th and final exposure. Coming to this place was very downtrodden. One would ask why they’re here when supposed to be they should be in their respective homes encircled by their families.
This place was never out of nursing/healthcare/caregiver students. Hence, we were about 27 there coming from 4 different schools. We didn’t have any CI or co-students here once more and our duty was as usual: 8am to 4pm.
After a short briefing, I was assigned together with 2 others to an old woman who cannot walk already and has a separate house (a small hut) as well. She lives there since she always yells and says vulgar words and sometimes annoys the other elders. In short, she seemed to be always wanting her ways to be done. The supervisor even told me that I’d be challenge with her reputation. It was indeed hard to manage her and somehow I was afraid of her. She uses her stick/rod as her defense against people she doesn’t like. At first encounter I thought of taking it away but it would deprive her of something that might cause her health to deteriorate even more. Plus, she was always shouting at us no matter how much we tried to explain that we’re there to help her. Her anger wouldn’t give her any relief at all. And this could be another cause that might trigger her health. Hence, I decided to ask for a replacement as it seemed hopeless dealing with her. I explained everything to the supervisor but she assured me that the old woman wouldn’t get any worse with our presence. So I followed her advice and stayed with my patient. After an hour or so, I felt comfortable with her already. The supervisor was right. I was indeed challenged but it’s just a matter of getting used to the old woman’s life. I also learned beforehand from other CIs that this person has a TB before. Thus, I’ve to wear face mask whenever I came to her hut. It’s not actually required and the 2 others didn’t wear one but with her usual spitting inside her hut, it’s best to have precautionary measures already.
Lunch was served to the elderly by us. After their eating, we were obliged to wash our patient’s dishes and also clean the dining room. Usually, by the time we finished our duties, it’s already 1pm. And here we begin our own lunch and break. By this time, the elders take a nap or rest while others watch TV. After lunch, we had a get along with each other as this was our only time for us. But from time to time, we never forget our given tasks. As for me, I get to check my patient in her hut every now and then to see if everything’s fine or any untoward incident that I need to report.
During our 2nd day, we’re almost late. It’s just a 2 minutes before 8 when we looked to our watches before writing it in the log book! Good thing we made it. Anyways, our day was still the same. Sometimes, I saw that the elders argue among themselves. Here, we tried to reconcile them and act as peacemakers. If things didn’t work, we always report to the people out there e.g. cook, supervisor.
I was informed by the stay-in caregiver that my patient would be taking a bath. No, she couldn’t do it by herself and it kept me wondering how I can do it. My patient is always mad and knocking us with her stick. Plus, as I’ve said earlier, she’s immobile already. Nonetheless, my nervousness was cleared away when I learned that the caregiver would help us. It turned out that we simply assisted him in giving the old woman a bath. Deo gratias! Afterwards, she was taken on a wheelchair and was out from her hut for quite a few minutes. Then the caregiver asked us to clean the hut’s grounds and I thought of undertaking that chore.
My sister and I were anxious for our 3rd day for we’re already burnt out too much. As I said from my other previous blog, we only get a few hours of sleep. Finally, the last day came and as usual, my mother brought foods and religious gifts for them. We had a culmination day together with the other school and each of us bid adieu to our patients. As for me, I just thought of making a card since it’s not possible talking to her.
This doesn’t mean that our concluding day wasn’t out of hard and tough duties. I was asked by one of the students there to assist them in bathing her patient. We were 5 all in all from 3 different schools. And this patient is still strong, mobile, and restless. She resisted us with all her might and it wasn’t easy to cope with her. We had to hold her hands and feet while at the same time calmly bathe and explain to her the reasons behind it. She was adamant and once managed to kick the pale of water at us. Nevertheless, it was okay since we also needed to make sure that she’s not hurt and that her whole persona isn’t being affected with our actions.
Anyways, this had become my experience with the elderly. When I think of them, I always remember my grandparents who all died so soon. They were just in their 60’s - 70’s and I only had quite a few bonding with them. I completely lost all 4 of them when I was 18. Actually, I never really longed for their presence before since I got a big family enough to keep me from getting bored. But as I grew up, I realized that it’s not just about laughs that you’d always want from others. I also need the wisdom of old people and to give the respect they demand. It’s not that I maltreated them or what but it’s just that I never had the opportunity to show them the love and respect I gave to the people I’ve encountered throughout my exposures to various institutions and places. Somehow, I felt weak and needed meditation. Anyway, it was Maundy Thursday the next day and it was indeed time for me to reflect seriously on my life and on how I can often put God in it. Fortunately, I was blessed to have a confession before the Easter Vigil Mass and was again strengthened during my reception of Holy Communion.
Oh Blessed Virgin Mary, have pity on my sinful soul. Grant me always the grace of true repentance so that I may cease offending thy Son Who loved us most dearly! Oh my Christ and King, may Thy reign come soon! Amen
This place was never out of nursing/healthcare/caregiver students. Hence, we were about 27 there coming from 4 different schools. We didn’t have any CI or co-students here once more and our duty was as usual: 8am to 4pm.
After a short briefing, I was assigned together with 2 others to an old woman who cannot walk already and has a separate house (a small hut) as well. She lives there since she always yells and says vulgar words and sometimes annoys the other elders. In short, she seemed to be always wanting her ways to be done. The supervisor even told me that I’d be challenge with her reputation. It was indeed hard to manage her and somehow I was afraid of her. She uses her stick/rod as her defense against people she doesn’t like. At first encounter I thought of taking it away but it would deprive her of something that might cause her health to deteriorate even more. Plus, she was always shouting at us no matter how much we tried to explain that we’re there to help her. Her anger wouldn’t give her any relief at all. And this could be another cause that might trigger her health. Hence, I decided to ask for a replacement as it seemed hopeless dealing with her. I explained everything to the supervisor but she assured me that the old woman wouldn’t get any worse with our presence. So I followed her advice and stayed with my patient. After an hour or so, I felt comfortable with her already. The supervisor was right. I was indeed challenged but it’s just a matter of getting used to the old woman’s life. I also learned beforehand from other CIs that this person has a TB before. Thus, I’ve to wear face mask whenever I came to her hut. It’s not actually required and the 2 others didn’t wear one but with her usual spitting inside her hut, it’s best to have precautionary measures already.
Lunch was served to the elderly by us. After their eating, we were obliged to wash our patient’s dishes and also clean the dining room. Usually, by the time we finished our duties, it’s already 1pm. And here we begin our own lunch and break. By this time, the elders take a nap or rest while others watch TV. After lunch, we had a get along with each other as this was our only time for us. But from time to time, we never forget our given tasks. As for me, I get to check my patient in her hut every now and then to see if everything’s fine or any untoward incident that I need to report.
During our 2nd day, we’re almost late. It’s just a 2 minutes before 8 when we looked to our watches before writing it in the log book! Good thing we made it. Anyways, our day was still the same. Sometimes, I saw that the elders argue among themselves. Here, we tried to reconcile them and act as peacemakers. If things didn’t work, we always report to the people out there e.g. cook, supervisor.
I was informed by the stay-in caregiver that my patient would be taking a bath. No, she couldn’t do it by herself and it kept me wondering how I can do it. My patient is always mad and knocking us with her stick. Plus, as I’ve said earlier, she’s immobile already. Nonetheless, my nervousness was cleared away when I learned that the caregiver would help us. It turned out that we simply assisted him in giving the old woman a bath. Deo gratias! Afterwards, she was taken on a wheelchair and was out from her hut for quite a few minutes. Then the caregiver asked us to clean the hut’s grounds and I thought of undertaking that chore.
My sister and I were anxious for our 3rd day for we’re already burnt out too much. As I said from my other previous blog, we only get a few hours of sleep. Finally, the last day came and as usual, my mother brought foods and religious gifts for them. We had a culmination day together with the other school and each of us bid adieu to our patients. As for me, I just thought of making a card since it’s not possible talking to her.
This doesn’t mean that our concluding day wasn’t out of hard and tough duties. I was asked by one of the students there to assist them in bathing her patient. We were 5 all in all from 3 different schools. And this patient is still strong, mobile, and restless. She resisted us with all her might and it wasn’t easy to cope with her. We had to hold her hands and feet while at the same time calmly bathe and explain to her the reasons behind it. She was adamant and once managed to kick the pale of water at us. Nevertheless, it was okay since we also needed to make sure that she’s not hurt and that her whole persona isn’t being affected with our actions.
Anyways, this had become my experience with the elderly. When I think of them, I always remember my grandparents who all died so soon. They were just in their 60’s - 70’s and I only had quite a few bonding with them. I completely lost all 4 of them when I was 18. Actually, I never really longed for their presence before since I got a big family enough to keep me from getting bored. But as I grew up, I realized that it’s not just about laughs that you’d always want from others. I also need the wisdom of old people and to give the respect they demand. It’s not that I maltreated them or what but it’s just that I never had the opportunity to show them the love and respect I gave to the people I’ve encountered throughout my exposures to various institutions and places. Somehow, I felt weak and needed meditation. Anyway, it was Maundy Thursday the next day and it was indeed time for me to reflect seriously on my life and on how I can often put God in it. Fortunately, I was blessed to have a confession before the Easter Vigil Mass and was again strengthened during my reception of Holy Communion.
Oh Blessed Virgin Mary, have pity on my sinful soul. Grant me always the grace of true repentance so that I may cease offending thy Son Who loved us most dearly! Oh my Christ and King, may Thy reign come soon! Amen
Saturday, October 23, 2010
St. Gemma’s Orphanage
We were scheduled to have an exposure here 2 days after Bp. Fellay’s visit. However, it was cancelled due to the death of our grand uncle and was re- scheduled 2 weeks after.
Our teacher told us beforehand that during our orphanage duty, we’d be having no co-students with us. And CIs normally don’t accompany students here - so the protocol of the school says. Hence, we were only 2 (my sister and I) and we had a 3 day duty from 8am to 4pm.
It was school time and so we only had 2 kids to look for and one handicapped who’s always on his wheelchair. The house matron is from Luzon and barely speaks Illongo too. Thus, we had an easy time going during our stay since the kids are familiar with speaking Tagalog. Anyways, as she toured us around and advised us of our expected work, I observed the place with a keen eye. Boys’ rooms are separated from the girls’ while the children of both genders are allowed to have one big room with a house help to sleep with them as well. They had a lawn in the center that quite became the children’s playground. They also had a library but rarely been used. One can put his fingers there to see how thick dust accumulated there already.
One thing that crossed my mind upon entering here was the Servi Domini orphanage in India. St. Gemma’s orphanage is run by the Passionist priests. (Actually, the rehabilitation center is also theirs.) And I learned that every night they have to recite the Rosary. Plus on Sundays, they are required to hear Mass. No one is exempted even if some are Muslim and Protestants. This was indeed a great option for the youths out there who’re otherwise living immoral lives. But of course, there are many lacking. There were 2 TVs around. One was on the children’s room while the other one was on the living room. When I asked why the children has a TV of their own, I was told that the older kids use the TV on the living room that sometimes the small ones are being deprived of it. So they set up one there. Such a horrible explanation. I’ve even seen that kids are allowed to switch TVs on and even manage the remote control. They also have less regard on sanctity and quite ignorant of the Catechism. Modernism is indeed present here.
During our first morning, we had to get along with the kids first. TV was on and I insisted on closing it and instead focus on wholesome things. It was a good thing that we had a power cut and so they had no choice but to follow us. Afterwards, we taught them basics - from how to write numbers and alphabets to adding and subtracting. We also tried to teach them about God, like what’s the Holy Family’s Name and then pointing out some of the religious statues there and asking them who it is. Sometimes, they were right and when they’re not, we patiently correct them.
10am came and we thought of cleaning their room. There was a pile of clothes in one of the beds and it’s obvious it needed folding. So, we did it while taking turns on looking after the 2 kids that were entrusted to us. Inside was very hot and it gave me a terrible headache. I was about to succumb out but I pitied my sister who’d be left alone. It was more than a hundred pieces of clothes! After 2 hours of folding clothes, it was finally finished. It was already 12 noon and with my head really heavy, we already left for lunch.
We had lunch in one of the huts there outside. It didn’t give me any relief at all since there was a foul smell. We later found out that it was the handicapped’s room that was adjacent to the hut. Hence, my headache only turned worse and worse even though I had drunk medicine already. I decided to rest in the living room first without doing anything but my Rosary prayer.
Thankfully, I was relived after praying the Rosary. As my head became quite normal, I joined my sister already in tutoring the kids. But they insisted on playing. And so we did. Their games were very simple and poor. No scrabbles or chess but just piece of rocks and a small marble (one that resembles those in Chinese checkers). I had no idea of how to play it and so I’ve to ask first. Gradually, I learned and happily played with them. It’s really wonderful to see their ingenuity just to have something to play with.
Our 2nd day began with a visit to the nearby chapel first. It was our mother who discovered that there was a novitiate within the grounds and hence an open big chapel was built. We also brought the kids here and found out that this is where the kids gather to hear Mass on Sundays. Here, we thought of touring the novitiate’s vast grounds. Of course, we weren’t able to go inside the main premises of the novitiate as it is not allowed. The kids pointed to us the novitiate’s chicken farm and we’re able to see their dogs too. Some were in cages and some were looming around but all of them were in unison in barking at us. It caught the attention of one of the religious there and we apologized for the disturbance. He was quite happy anyway to see that there were students taking care of their orphans. Also, the kids helped us in going to the 3 Crosses that were built in the hilltop. It was majestic. I also found out through my own wanderings some old and broken but precious picture frames depicting the priesthood life of St. Paul of the Cross. It was placed in one of the hills there but it seemed neglected already. Here, I tried to teach the kids about the sanctity of life. There were also Stations of the Cross all around the novitiate’s ground but it’s the modern Stations.
Anyways, we continued on tutoring them how to write and color stuffs. Sometimes, they just wouldn’t listen and draw or write something we didn’t ask them to do. I sensed that maybe it’s their way of letting us know that they’re tired of studying. So, we had a give and take process. And in the long end, it worked out.
We decided to have lunch on the beautiful hut which is just a few meters from the chapel and in front of the novitiate. Actually, we already planned it earlier when we first visited the chapel. Even though it was a 10 minute walk from the orphanage, it was well deserving. The lush green trees and the soft wind blowing pure air on us were terrific. We truly enjoyed the scenery as we ate lunch. Afterwards, we thought of spending the rest of our break praying inside the chapel.
At 1pm we walk towards the orphanage and found the 2 playing as usual. We joined them while at the same time we gave them lessons to study. We also informed them the need to pray in the chapel later on. They kept on playing around but we persisted and managed to bring them in the chapel. Inside we taught them how to genuflect, make the Sign of the Cross and pray the basic prayers. They’re indeed familiar with those prayers but sometimes they failed to complete it. After that and bringing them back to the house, we cleaned any mess around and the clock struck 4. It was time to go.
During our 3rd and final day, my mother brought them gifts and Rosaries too. They were very excited but we told them they have to go to the chapel first before opening them. This time we also brought the handicapped boy as our mother thought so. She was the one who pushed his wheelchair all the way. This boy is only 17 and had a cerebral palsy ever since the orphanage took him. I tried to teach him about Pedro Calungsod of which there lay a book about him. I explained to him of how this Filipino martyr died for our Faith but he just couldn’t comprehend. Plus, he always talks nonsense and mimics everything he sees in us. I tried to tell him that’s not right but it’s useless. I really pitied this guy.
Anyways, this day we had other students from a different school. They too did work there and helped in teaching the kids. However, they decided to leave around 2pm. As the day progressed, my sister thought of cleaning the jalousies of the children’s room. Then after her, it was my turn. The 3 students cleaned other rooms as well.
When lunch time came, we left for our hut while the others left for the mall nearby. As usual, we prayed inside the chapel again after eating lunch. After our break, we returned and gave in to their play as this was our last day. Still, we never forget to teach them about God. We visited the chapel and prayed with them again. Since it was Lent, there were many people doing the Stations and it gave them a deeper sense of holiness. I know that 3 days weren’t enough to mold a child’s heart to sanctity yet I also know that we did our best. We leave to God everything now. As St. Augustine rightly puts it, work as though all depended upon yourself and hope as though all depended upon God.
Oh Lord my God, Thou hast said, “Suffer the little children to come unto Me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” Grant that Thou move Thy priests to teach these little ones Thy loving ways so that in the long run they may accept Thy sweet Cross! Amen.
Our teacher told us beforehand that during our orphanage duty, we’d be having no co-students with us. And CIs normally don’t accompany students here - so the protocol of the school says. Hence, we were only 2 (my sister and I) and we had a 3 day duty from 8am to 4pm.
It was school time and so we only had 2 kids to look for and one handicapped who’s always on his wheelchair. The house matron is from Luzon and barely speaks Illongo too. Thus, we had an easy time going during our stay since the kids are familiar with speaking Tagalog. Anyways, as she toured us around and advised us of our expected work, I observed the place with a keen eye. Boys’ rooms are separated from the girls’ while the children of both genders are allowed to have one big room with a house help to sleep with them as well. They had a lawn in the center that quite became the children’s playground. They also had a library but rarely been used. One can put his fingers there to see how thick dust accumulated there already.
One thing that crossed my mind upon entering here was the Servi Domini orphanage in India. St. Gemma’s orphanage is run by the Passionist priests. (Actually, the rehabilitation center is also theirs.) And I learned that every night they have to recite the Rosary. Plus on Sundays, they are required to hear Mass. No one is exempted even if some are Muslim and Protestants. This was indeed a great option for the youths out there who’re otherwise living immoral lives. But of course, there are many lacking. There were 2 TVs around. One was on the children’s room while the other one was on the living room. When I asked why the children has a TV of their own, I was told that the older kids use the TV on the living room that sometimes the small ones are being deprived of it. So they set up one there. Such a horrible explanation. I’ve even seen that kids are allowed to switch TVs on and even manage the remote control. They also have less regard on sanctity and quite ignorant of the Catechism. Modernism is indeed present here.
During our first morning, we had to get along with the kids first. TV was on and I insisted on closing it and instead focus on wholesome things. It was a good thing that we had a power cut and so they had no choice but to follow us. Afterwards, we taught them basics - from how to write numbers and alphabets to adding and subtracting. We also tried to teach them about God, like what’s the Holy Family’s Name and then pointing out some of the religious statues there and asking them who it is. Sometimes, they were right and when they’re not, we patiently correct them.
10am came and we thought of cleaning their room. There was a pile of clothes in one of the beds and it’s obvious it needed folding. So, we did it while taking turns on looking after the 2 kids that were entrusted to us. Inside was very hot and it gave me a terrible headache. I was about to succumb out but I pitied my sister who’d be left alone. It was more than a hundred pieces of clothes! After 2 hours of folding clothes, it was finally finished. It was already 12 noon and with my head really heavy, we already left for lunch.
We had lunch in one of the huts there outside. It didn’t give me any relief at all since there was a foul smell. We later found out that it was the handicapped’s room that was adjacent to the hut. Hence, my headache only turned worse and worse even though I had drunk medicine already. I decided to rest in the living room first without doing anything but my Rosary prayer.
Thankfully, I was relived after praying the Rosary. As my head became quite normal, I joined my sister already in tutoring the kids. But they insisted on playing. And so we did. Their games were very simple and poor. No scrabbles or chess but just piece of rocks and a small marble (one that resembles those in Chinese checkers). I had no idea of how to play it and so I’ve to ask first. Gradually, I learned and happily played with them. It’s really wonderful to see their ingenuity just to have something to play with.
Our 2nd day began with a visit to the nearby chapel first. It was our mother who discovered that there was a novitiate within the grounds and hence an open big chapel was built. We also brought the kids here and found out that this is where the kids gather to hear Mass on Sundays. Here, we thought of touring the novitiate’s vast grounds. Of course, we weren’t able to go inside the main premises of the novitiate as it is not allowed. The kids pointed to us the novitiate’s chicken farm and we’re able to see their dogs too. Some were in cages and some were looming around but all of them were in unison in barking at us. It caught the attention of one of the religious there and we apologized for the disturbance. He was quite happy anyway to see that there were students taking care of their orphans. Also, the kids helped us in going to the 3 Crosses that were built in the hilltop. It was majestic. I also found out through my own wanderings some old and broken but precious picture frames depicting the priesthood life of St. Paul of the Cross. It was placed in one of the hills there but it seemed neglected already. Here, I tried to teach the kids about the sanctity of life. There were also Stations of the Cross all around the novitiate’s ground but it’s the modern Stations.
Anyways, we continued on tutoring them how to write and color stuffs. Sometimes, they just wouldn’t listen and draw or write something we didn’t ask them to do. I sensed that maybe it’s their way of letting us know that they’re tired of studying. So, we had a give and take process. And in the long end, it worked out.
We decided to have lunch on the beautiful hut which is just a few meters from the chapel and in front of the novitiate. Actually, we already planned it earlier when we first visited the chapel. Even though it was a 10 minute walk from the orphanage, it was well deserving. The lush green trees and the soft wind blowing pure air on us were terrific. We truly enjoyed the scenery as we ate lunch. Afterwards, we thought of spending the rest of our break praying inside the chapel.
At 1pm we walk towards the orphanage and found the 2 playing as usual. We joined them while at the same time we gave them lessons to study. We also informed them the need to pray in the chapel later on. They kept on playing around but we persisted and managed to bring them in the chapel. Inside we taught them how to genuflect, make the Sign of the Cross and pray the basic prayers. They’re indeed familiar with those prayers but sometimes they failed to complete it. After that and bringing them back to the house, we cleaned any mess around and the clock struck 4. It was time to go.
During our 3rd and final day, my mother brought them gifts and Rosaries too. They were very excited but we told them they have to go to the chapel first before opening them. This time we also brought the handicapped boy as our mother thought so. She was the one who pushed his wheelchair all the way. This boy is only 17 and had a cerebral palsy ever since the orphanage took him. I tried to teach him about Pedro Calungsod of which there lay a book about him. I explained to him of how this Filipino martyr died for our Faith but he just couldn’t comprehend. Plus, he always talks nonsense and mimics everything he sees in us. I tried to tell him that’s not right but it’s useless. I really pitied this guy.
Anyways, this day we had other students from a different school. They too did work there and helped in teaching the kids. However, they decided to leave around 2pm. As the day progressed, my sister thought of cleaning the jalousies of the children’s room. Then after her, it was my turn. The 3 students cleaned other rooms as well.
When lunch time came, we left for our hut while the others left for the mall nearby. As usual, we prayed inside the chapel again after eating lunch. After our break, we returned and gave in to their play as this was our last day. Still, we never forget to teach them about God. We visited the chapel and prayed with them again. Since it was Lent, there were many people doing the Stations and it gave them a deeper sense of holiness. I know that 3 days weren’t enough to mold a child’s heart to sanctity yet I also know that we did our best. We leave to God everything now. As St. Augustine rightly puts it, work as though all depended upon yourself and hope as though all depended upon God.
Oh Lord my God, Thou hast said, “Suffer the little children to come unto Me and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.” Grant that Thou move Thy priests to teach these little ones Thy loving ways so that in the long run they may accept Thy sweet Cross! Amen.
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