It’s been more than half a year already since I last posted here. I don’t know but things got even far complicated than I had expected that somehow I found myself stuck.
Admittedly, my life has more downs than ups and I’m content at it. But much deeper had I felt before that I suddenly lost my pleasure on writing here.
Last July, I made a decisive moment by moving out from parental home without my family’s knowledge. I opted that way for I certainly know they wouldn’t allow me to try religious life without Mom’s consent. My family tried everything to persuade me to return until Mrs. Ghela advised me to give it a try. Although I know it wouldn’t work out, I decided to heed her counsel for I always wanted to give my family every bit of chance I could possibly see. As a result, my family stopped from hearing Mass - albeit dismayed, forbids me to send emails etc, and I became the subject of contempt.
6 months had passed and still there’s quarrel from time to time. I stood alone and firm and never gave up though I still ask myself why all these are happening when I had been careful enough to seek His will through His priests. I got no one to turn to save prayer. Deep inside, I cried for Heaven to answer my anguish. Till at last, I heard from Fr. Purdy last Sunday that “there is a reason for everything.” As I walked out after Mass, I kept pondering on what he meant. I realized it was Our Lord speaking on his voice and I was thoroughly convinced that everything is still under God’s noblest hands.
Those words may be indeed curt for a simple faithful like me yet it has also a sweet and divine connotation for someone who’s searching for God’s way in his/her everyday life. Those few lines were like a spark infused in my blood that regained back the pulse of my heart to get over with the past and keep moving ahead.
Indeed, it’s not for me to understand fully His ways but it requires that I be constant to Him. To do otherwise means to doubt my faith on Him Who did everything out of love for me.
Too many controversies had crossed my life and I honestly don’t feel good about it. I thought of hiding away and yet I could never really live without my God in the Sacraments of Penance and Holy Eucharist. I am very weak and fragile and all the more I need His divine assistance to sustain me.
“There is a reason for everything,” and as I face yet another wrangling in my life, I better cling to those profound words and keep praying that I be faithful to His commands.
Oh my Lady, no prayer is more effective than with thy blessed name. Hence, here I am, once more pleading for thy intercession. Grant that I may have calmness in confusion and happiness in suffering. Teach me to accept humiliations and to forgive quickly in as much as thy Son did. Instruct me also to know and love true humility as thou and thy Son always revealed in Thine earthly lives! Amen
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Rainbow
Just few days ago, I saw a rainbow in the window and it’s really awesome. This time it’s sort of perfect as it got a bow from end to end. Oh my, it’s so breathtaking and it’s such a pity that it only lasted for a couple of minutes since sunset’s already coming. Well, the rainbow’s very much my life. It got a wide variety of color and not all are interesting but if you piece them together, you got a wonderful array of colors. I find myself pondering on my life on that occasion.
How’s my life? with God most especially? Am I really doing His will? Time and time again, I’ve always said, I’m going to make this and that for God but I never really do. It sucks. Now, I feel like stuck on a glue trying to lift off but with no avail. I made certain goals to attain sanctity in life but with my current life nowadays, I find myself deviating from that. It’s not funny nor something to be taken for granted. I must retrace back my life before it’s too late.
The weather isn’t good here and I got caught with cold. I don’t feel any better but perhaps, this is the time for me to recollect about my life. Indeed, I’ve been busy pleasing anybody save God - my greatest Benefactor. I didn’t know how far I’ve been through that until my body got this sickness. Fortunately, my body temperature is pretty normal.
As I move on, I still think of the rainbow. It happens only once in a while but it never fails to show up. Emitting brighter rays, the rainbow can still be a mirror of my life. Like I said above, it can be of any color but I’m always grateful that God bestows happiness after any ill effect of my life.
Oh, Lord my God, heal me from my infirmity. But grant also that my recovery would be a new life for me that I may serve Thee even more faithfully! Oh my Blessed Mother, have compassion upon thy daughter! Never let me sink into any sin and grant me the grace of patience that I may carry my sickness with a joyful heart!
How’s my life? with God most especially? Am I really doing His will? Time and time again, I’ve always said, I’m going to make this and that for God but I never really do. It sucks. Now, I feel like stuck on a glue trying to lift off but with no avail. I made certain goals to attain sanctity in life but with my current life nowadays, I find myself deviating from that. It’s not funny nor something to be taken for granted. I must retrace back my life before it’s too late.
The weather isn’t good here and I got caught with cold. I don’t feel any better but perhaps, this is the time for me to recollect about my life. Indeed, I’ve been busy pleasing anybody save God - my greatest Benefactor. I didn’t know how far I’ve been through that until my body got this sickness. Fortunately, my body temperature is pretty normal.
As I move on, I still think of the rainbow. It happens only once in a while but it never fails to show up. Emitting brighter rays, the rainbow can still be a mirror of my life. Like I said above, it can be of any color but I’m always grateful that God bestows happiness after any ill effect of my life.
Oh, Lord my God, heal me from my infirmity. But grant also that my recovery would be a new life for me that I may serve Thee even more faithfully! Oh my Blessed Mother, have compassion upon thy daughter! Never let me sink into any sin and grant me the grace of patience that I may carry my sickness with a joyful heart!
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
First Year
My blog is a year old now and looking back, it’s still amazing how I came to create this. Well, my first post here is about a Hollywood actor’s forum page I made somewhere. Now, it’s so silly how I fool myself about it. I know it’s not edifying and finally I’ve the courage to say goodbye to that. Rather, let me invite you in this newly created traditional Catholic forum: http://sancte-vivere-forum.heavenforum.com/index.htm
Many things had happened to my life this month and I wish to narrate it here but I’m still busy as usual. I hope to be back here soon when I got more time. Nevertheless, here’s one major incident.
This month of the Holy Eucharist, I’m glad to expound that I was able to receive my God twice! Yes, Mom’s finally back in hearing the Traditional Latin Mass and hopefully it’d continue forever. "We all need to be close to Him - the Source of all graces and blessings," so said one SSPX priest upon learning of Mom’s return in receiving the Sacraments frequently. True enough, there’s no cross that heavy with Him, no happiness that blissful without Him Who redeemed us, and lastly no temptation that enticing with Him Who was conceived by a Virgin.
I’d finally reiterate to everyone to confide their woes and joys to the Immaculate Lady. She’s always waiting for us to come near her and ever much ready to assist us with her sublime prerogatives. If only we know how to ask God abundant graces, then we’d always unite our will to His Daughter’s for she’s been full of grace ever since!
Oh my Blessed Virgin, to thee do I’ve recourse. Help me and guide me as I tread this world that I may always be an instrument of God and that my joy would be full! Amen.
Many things had happened to my life this month and I wish to narrate it here but I’m still busy as usual. I hope to be back here soon when I got more time. Nevertheless, here’s one major incident.
This month of the Holy Eucharist, I’m glad to expound that I was able to receive my God twice! Yes, Mom’s finally back in hearing the Traditional Latin Mass and hopefully it’d continue forever. "We all need to be close to Him - the Source of all graces and blessings," so said one SSPX priest upon learning of Mom’s return in receiving the Sacraments frequently. True enough, there’s no cross that heavy with Him, no happiness that blissful without Him Who redeemed us, and lastly no temptation that enticing with Him Who was conceived by a Virgin.
I’d finally reiterate to everyone to confide their woes and joys to the Immaculate Lady. She’s always waiting for us to come near her and ever much ready to assist us with her sublime prerogatives. If only we know how to ask God abundant graces, then we’d always unite our will to His Daughter’s for she’s been full of grace ever since!
Oh my Blessed Virgin, to thee do I’ve recourse. Help me and guide me as I tread this world that I may always be an instrument of God and that my joy would be full! Amen.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
My Roller Coaster Life
Mom’s not feeling well and she’s on and off with her doctors (nephro, pulmo, cardio, derma). She’s having complicated side effects due to many drugs that her skin is now affected. She always complains of headache, hardness of breathing, itchiness, and many other different muscle pains. Doctors are sort of giving up for her bodily movements say otherwise. I think it’s safe to say it’s the devil only.
It’s honestly breaking my heart to see her that way. She travels 5 hours just to go to Davao for her doctors and then another 5 hours to return home. Her body definitely needs rest but unfortunately, she’s not content with the South Cotabato doctors. I try my best in consoling her and I limit her negative emotional feelings as much as I can. One of her greatest anxieties, though, is her continuous argument with Dad.
I’ve been pleading to God and the Blessed Virgin to heal her but only when she’s fully converted to Catholic Tradition. I thought of changing my intention but then again, I know it is the right intention. I’ve had enough of battling with the loneliness that Mom creates and I’m really getting exhausted. Hope I’d be able to overcome this and help my siblings think the right way. That it is trying times once again but the need to hold on. This is still God’s will.
Oh Blessed Virgin, my Mother, comfort Mom and please let her realize her mistake. May it never be too late for repentance and please do not make her an obstinate sinner. Oh Most Pure Lady, keep me spotless from this world despite every uphill of my miseries here on earth! Amen.
It’s honestly breaking my heart to see her that way. She travels 5 hours just to go to Davao for her doctors and then another 5 hours to return home. Her body definitely needs rest but unfortunately, she’s not content with the South Cotabato doctors. I try my best in consoling her and I limit her negative emotional feelings as much as I can. One of her greatest anxieties, though, is her continuous argument with Dad.
I’ve been pleading to God and the Blessed Virgin to heal her but only when she’s fully converted to Catholic Tradition. I thought of changing my intention but then again, I know it is the right intention. I’ve had enough of battling with the loneliness that Mom creates and I’m really getting exhausted. Hope I’d be able to overcome this and help my siblings think the right way. That it is trying times once again but the need to hold on. This is still God’s will.
Oh Blessed Virgin, my Mother, comfort Mom and please let her realize her mistake. May it never be too late for repentance and please do not make her an obstinate sinner. Oh Most Pure Lady, keep me spotless from this world despite every uphill of my miseries here on earth! Amen.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Getting To Appreciate Things
Recently, my family switched from reading PDI newspaper to Philippine Star newspaper. Actually, I couldn’t just imagine on what good I would ever get to read from there. It’s so dull plus a bit clichéd. And unlike the PDI, I hardly know their writers and editors. I was still skeptical about it when Mom brought another one last week.
So, I skimped through the papers and found their usual unattractive style. I thought of reading some articles with interesting titles until I glimpsed the caption: “What would Jesus do?”. At first sight, one thing that crossed my mind is that the author is Protestant as the illustration on his article portrayed a laughing Christ with an apple and a book under it on His hand. Well, the picture had an impression of a Protestant look and so I decided to read it last. His views might probably be anti- Catholic.
I finally came there and as I read on the few paragraphs, I realized I was mistaken. He is a Catholic. Comforted to know that, I read it with great enthusiasm. He was talking about patience and even more patience. That on every negative thing he happened to face, he’d ask himself: What would Jesus do in my position?
It was a good thing that there’s still a Catholic who still think the right thinking. And that he’s not ashamed to write about it publicly in an almost godless newspaper.
Anyway, Lent is coming already and we need to practice mortification and patience. Time to accept more humiliation with discretion. It’s really a good exercise for each and everyone to ponder this: If our Lord Jesus Christ Whose spotless was beaten and insulted with so much hatred and yet patiently accepted it, how much more should I - a poor wretched sinner - not accept it with a resigned heart? God knows everything and sees that it’s better for us to have this or that kind of trials.
Last Sunday’s epistle ended with: My grace is sufficient for thee: for power is perfected in weakness. Gladly, therefore, will I glory in mine infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Indeed, He would never leave us provided that we ask His guidance through the loving intercession of our Blessed Virgin Mary.
So, I skimped through the papers and found their usual unattractive style. I thought of reading some articles with interesting titles until I glimpsed the caption: “What would Jesus do?”. At first sight, one thing that crossed my mind is that the author is Protestant as the illustration on his article portrayed a laughing Christ with an apple and a book under it on His hand. Well, the picture had an impression of a Protestant look and so I decided to read it last. His views might probably be anti- Catholic.
I finally came there and as I read on the few paragraphs, I realized I was mistaken. He is a Catholic. Comforted to know that, I read it with great enthusiasm. He was talking about patience and even more patience. That on every negative thing he happened to face, he’d ask himself: What would Jesus do in my position?
It was a good thing that there’s still a Catholic who still think the right thinking. And that he’s not ashamed to write about it publicly in an almost godless newspaper.
Anyway, Lent is coming already and we need to practice mortification and patience. Time to accept more humiliation with discretion. It’s really a good exercise for each and everyone to ponder this: If our Lord Jesus Christ Whose spotless was beaten and insulted with so much hatred and yet patiently accepted it, how much more should I - a poor wretched sinner - not accept it with a resigned heart? God knows everything and sees that it’s better for us to have this or that kind of trials.
Last Sunday’s epistle ended with: My grace is sufficient for thee: for power is perfected in weakness. Gladly, therefore, will I glory in mine infirmities, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
Indeed, He would never leave us provided that we ask His guidance through the loving intercession of our Blessed Virgin Mary.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Christmas Carol
It may be late for yuletide caroling but yesterday night, the Apostles of Mary (a traditionalist Catholic youth group founded by the SSPX exclusively for the youths in the Philippines) came to do carols. The intention was to raise funds for their coming formation sessions next year in Bohol. I personally dislike that kind of activity. I’d rather attend many Ignatian retreats and get a lot of inspirations and strong spirituality formation there than spend it on those formation sessions. But then, people’s metabolism is not always the same. Some would be inspired through constant activities while some are inspired through meditations and sermons. That’s me on the latter while I guess the majority of people falls on the first definition. And perhaps, that’s what the Apostles are catering.
Anyways, when they arrived, I found out they’re still numbering in 8. Yup, this isn’t their first time but their 2nd already. Most of them aren’t from the group but they decided to come along to help cheering the voices up. 6 were young men including the Captain of the Koronodal’s San Miguel Clan while 3 were girls who’re still aspirants for the group, I guess.
I truly appreciate their voices. It was melodious and all together coordinated. It’s as if they did a lot of rehearsing which climaxed in our home. I love most especially when they sang Latin ones but most especially the Ave Maria. Oh my, my heart was leaping for joy as I was hearing that. I couldn’t imagine that they (who’re simple and plain) can, by now, compete with those in the orchestra. The girls weren’t reading anything but they confidently know what they’re voices would be singing when the men sang other parts of the Ave. Simply put, I was thoroughly amazed for the new outlook of the Apostles. They are much more pious. I think credits must go partly to their new chaplain, Fr. Dolotina (himself a former Apostles and now enjoying his 2nd year in the priesthood).
After the singing, they took some photos with their gifts (Mom gave them some snacks). I could see that they’re feeling happy (with their smiling faces) but they just couldn’t express it on words perhaps because of the conflict recently or shyness too. Then Mom gave the money.
But then again, I hear my siblings blaming me (directly or indirectly) for the added expenses. It’s so painful but I learned to accept it with a glad heart already. I denied my emotions and acted as if every insult is passing from one ear to the other.
Now that this is the last day of the year, I wish everyone a meaningful New Year most especially my Dad. I love you, Dad, and wherever you are, may you find God in your heart and peace and happiness still.
As 2008 enters, I’d be more loyal to my New Year’s Resolution and continue hoping that God and the Blessed Virgin would guide my whole life.
Anyways, when they arrived, I found out they’re still numbering in 8. Yup, this isn’t their first time but their 2nd already. Most of them aren’t from the group but they decided to come along to help cheering the voices up. 6 were young men including the Captain of the Koronodal’s San Miguel Clan while 3 were girls who’re still aspirants for the group, I guess.
I truly appreciate their voices. It was melodious and all together coordinated. It’s as if they did a lot of rehearsing which climaxed in our home. I love most especially when they sang Latin ones but most especially the Ave Maria. Oh my, my heart was leaping for joy as I was hearing that. I couldn’t imagine that they (who’re simple and plain) can, by now, compete with those in the orchestra. The girls weren’t reading anything but they confidently know what they’re voices would be singing when the men sang other parts of the Ave. Simply put, I was thoroughly amazed for the new outlook of the Apostles. They are much more pious. I think credits must go partly to their new chaplain, Fr. Dolotina (himself a former Apostles and now enjoying his 2nd year in the priesthood).
After the singing, they took some photos with their gifts (Mom gave them some snacks). I could see that they’re feeling happy (with their smiling faces) but they just couldn’t express it on words perhaps because of the conflict recently or shyness too. Then Mom gave the money.
But then again, I hear my siblings blaming me (directly or indirectly) for the added expenses. It’s so painful but I learned to accept it with a glad heart already. I denied my emotions and acted as if every insult is passing from one ear to the other.
Now that this is the last day of the year, I wish everyone a meaningful New Year most especially my Dad. I love you, Dad, and wherever you are, may you find God in your heart and peace and happiness still.
As 2008 enters, I’d be more loyal to my New Year’s Resolution and continue hoping that God and the Blessed Virgin would guide my whole life.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Struggling Into Pieces
Today’s the 4th day of Christmas. Finally, I was able to make it here after more than a month long absence. I honestly love to write here many things about my life but my duties and prayers are always taking most of my time. Add here the season of Christmas - this truly makes a busier and frenzied day for my family.
Holidays are joyful. Yes, that’s the famous saying of Christmas. This Christmas, I’d say things went well. For the first time ever, the weather was sweet (that is, cold) here in Mindanao. It was that weather I’ve been longing for as I was accustomed from my beloved Luzon. We went to the Novus Ordo Cathedral to pay a visit then when evening came, we went to the governor’s office and strolled to see the grandest lights beautifully arrayed there. Aside from our home, it was so magnificent and comparable to Manila based wonder lights there. I could really feel the spirit of Christmas. Indeed, I never had that radiant Christmas experience for quite a long time now.
But things aren’t always merry. Dad isn’t home and my family got mad to me 4 days before Christmas. It was because I decided to receive the Sacraments without their knowing about it. I intentionally did it for I perfectly know they would forbid me. Well, the result was a bit intriguing. The visiting priest corrected me and that I should apologize to Mom. I did on that very night but I guess it’s not enough so I decided to give her a letter this day. I don’t know what she’d feel about it but I’m hoping that she’ll understand. In that letter, I tried explaining in a humblest way my desires and shortcomings too. I told her how much she means to me and I ended in: I love you, Mom, and will forever be! By the way, Mom is in Davao right now doing her medical check up routine.
I’m very much glad that I was able to receive our Lord this month. I’m happier than ever and much apt in suffering gladly. The pains and insults are nothing when I know God is abiding in me. That’s enough to comfort me even if there’s no one in my family who shares the same belief.
Also, I’m thankful that everything went well this Christmas despite the chaos. I’ve been pleading in tears to God that it wouldn’t be spoiled and He granted it. But deep inside, I’m still getting hurt day after day. I couldn’t perfectly understand why God wants me to suffer these awful consequences. I feel like being thrown in the dirt whenever I hear false accusations against me that I sometimes burst into tears in prayer. Still, I’m holding on. I try giving my best in my work no matter how drained I feel due to emotions. I know I’m not mocked much more than my crucified Savior. Perhaps, I just deserve this kind of life. I’m not going to be bitter about it but rather be positive and accepting it gladly and patiently.
It was all by Divine Providence that I was able to make it for He knows I truly do not want to pass this year without receiving Him. I was trembling for I didn’t know if I’d make it after all my 2 sisters saw me. But God willed that they didn’t seem to be bothered about my departure. Despite all odds from my family - my eldest sister shouting at me on the phone; my eldest brother insisting that I immediately return home; and worst, my mother calling me names - I managed to remain firm in my decision. I told them politely that I’m not coming home without receiving the Sacraments which the priest gave me his full consent.
So now, I’ll try to be as close to God as possible. Now that I have him, I’ll try not to lose Him by any mortal/venial sins. I’ll make it sure to be more aware of displeasing Him. I’ll try not to deprive Him of love. In praying and constant meditation, I guess I shall be successful on my goal.
Oh Lord my God, keep me always near Thy Heart. Never permit me to be far away again! Oh my Blessed Mother, thou who never left me even to my darkest moments, help me to fulfill this even more perfectly this time around! Amen.
Holidays are joyful. Yes, that’s the famous saying of Christmas. This Christmas, I’d say things went well. For the first time ever, the weather was sweet (that is, cold) here in Mindanao. It was that weather I’ve been longing for as I was accustomed from my beloved Luzon. We went to the Novus Ordo Cathedral to pay a visit then when evening came, we went to the governor’s office and strolled to see the grandest lights beautifully arrayed there. Aside from our home, it was so magnificent and comparable to Manila based wonder lights there. I could really feel the spirit of Christmas. Indeed, I never had that radiant Christmas experience for quite a long time now.
But things aren’t always merry. Dad isn’t home and my family got mad to me 4 days before Christmas. It was because I decided to receive the Sacraments without their knowing about it. I intentionally did it for I perfectly know they would forbid me. Well, the result was a bit intriguing. The visiting priest corrected me and that I should apologize to Mom. I did on that very night but I guess it’s not enough so I decided to give her a letter this day. I don’t know what she’d feel about it but I’m hoping that she’ll understand. In that letter, I tried explaining in a humblest way my desires and shortcomings too. I told her how much she means to me and I ended in: I love you, Mom, and will forever be! By the way, Mom is in Davao right now doing her medical check up routine.
I’m very much glad that I was able to receive our Lord this month. I’m happier than ever and much apt in suffering gladly. The pains and insults are nothing when I know God is abiding in me. That’s enough to comfort me even if there’s no one in my family who shares the same belief.
Also, I’m thankful that everything went well this Christmas despite the chaos. I’ve been pleading in tears to God that it wouldn’t be spoiled and He granted it. But deep inside, I’m still getting hurt day after day. I couldn’t perfectly understand why God wants me to suffer these awful consequences. I feel like being thrown in the dirt whenever I hear false accusations against me that I sometimes burst into tears in prayer. Still, I’m holding on. I try giving my best in my work no matter how drained I feel due to emotions. I know I’m not mocked much more than my crucified Savior. Perhaps, I just deserve this kind of life. I’m not going to be bitter about it but rather be positive and accepting it gladly and patiently.
It was all by Divine Providence that I was able to make it for He knows I truly do not want to pass this year without receiving Him. I was trembling for I didn’t know if I’d make it after all my 2 sisters saw me. But God willed that they didn’t seem to be bothered about my departure. Despite all odds from my family - my eldest sister shouting at me on the phone; my eldest brother insisting that I immediately return home; and worst, my mother calling me names - I managed to remain firm in my decision. I told them politely that I’m not coming home without receiving the Sacraments which the priest gave me his full consent.
So now, I’ll try to be as close to God as possible. Now that I have him, I’ll try not to lose Him by any mortal/venial sins. I’ll make it sure to be more aware of displeasing Him. I’ll try not to deprive Him of love. In praying and constant meditation, I guess I shall be successful on my goal.
Oh Lord my God, keep me always near Thy Heart. Never permit me to be far away again! Oh my Blessed Mother, thou who never left me even to my darkest moments, help me to fulfill this even more perfectly this time around! Amen.
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