Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I Can’t Believe…

I can’t believe that I was able to stop my addiction to pop music.

I can’t believe that I learned to control my senses and passion.

I can’t believe that I’m still persevering from being worldly.

With the grace of God and the aid of the Blessed Virgin Mary, I realized how precious it is to despise the earthly things, imitate the Saints, and thus love my greatest Benefactor - God!

Our Lady of Carmel

[This one is supposed to be on July 16, 2007, Monday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Today’s the feast of Our Lady of Carmel, my patroness. I remember my Mom consecrated me to the Blessed Virgin Mary under this special title when I was 10. And from that time on, I came to treasure Our Lady of Carmel, the Brown Scapular, and the Carmelites as well.

Yesterday, I don’t have the mood to explain how I felt on the Novus Ordo PEA (Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration). I was not praying very well nor did I come to converse with our Lord as I did in any traditional chapel or simply in my home.

I have a lot of reasons to doubt if the Real Presence of God is inside the exposed Blessed Sacrament. And that’s why I couldn’t pray well. Although I knelt along the 2 hours (save for few intermission of sitting), I couldn’t appreciate it. Deep down, I was asking our Lord why was I there when that Church is mocking Him. It is not already Catholic. I felt so misfit and unhappy around there.

I’ve been pleading to God to help me overcome this pain as I believe it will still drag many unpleasant weekends - both spiritually and physically. And to Our Lady of Carmel, I ask for perseverance for my vocation despite opposition.

Agitating

[This one is supposed to be on July 15, 2007, Sunday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep easily. I tossed and turned around my bed and I felt so restless. The hour of 12 struck already but still I couldn’t be at ease.

It was because of my brother. That morning, he informed us that he’d be working for the last time on night. Then during at work, he forwarded a message of his trainer Glenda. The message was so encouraging that it left me pondering. I felt so miserable. I was thinking of my brother - of how he would ever cope up now that it’s over.

My brother is a different type of guy. Back home, he’d always share his stories about work. But during the past days, he was quiet yet jolly. Sometimes he would ask me questions that I decided to leave unanswered as I know it would be better for him to answer it by himself

I agree with my sisters. Why is it that when he got work, we missed his company? Yet now, why is it we regret that he’s home? I really don’t know why we feel this way.

From time to time, I’m wondering. Why is it that life never answered its own questions? Life would always leave you to find it. And most of the time, I get the wrong answer. Sigh. It is strange yet I know it is all God’s will. He turns the tide so strong because He wants us to look upon Him. God wants us to reconsider our life. To look upon the Blessed Virgin Mary for assistance and be faithful. Yet even so, God still want us to suffer patiently. For without it, one cannot attain peace with God.

By the way, I was so happy to know that Pope Benedict xvi had finally released the Motu Proprio for the liberalization of the Tridentine Mass. I just learned it this day when we met a traditional friend who gave us the SSPX Mindanao Bulletin. I rejoice with the SSPX. I also agree with them that difficulties still remain. Regarding the SSPX status on Rome, it is still not over. Yes, I believe that the SSPX has the right in claiming the withdrawal of the decree of excommunication which has so damaged the SSPX’s name.

May the unification of the Catholic Church into one, holy, Catholic, apostolic, and Tridentine Church. come soon. And may it always be under the holy mantle of the Virgin Mother of God! Amen.

Getting On Here

[This one is supposed to be on July 5, 2007, Thursday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Life is so busy to me that I rarely get time to write. Sometimes, I just ponder it to my heart every night I rest for sleep hoping that someday I’d be able to write it down here.

Yes, I believe I’m getting late. On my previous post, I mentioned the room blessing. And, thanks be to God, it was Fr. Soliman who blessed it!!!

I’m doing pretty well with my new resolution. I also managed not to sing pop music songs whether in speech or mind. Instead of singing those, I try singing some Gregorian chant I know or simply pray mentally. In this way, I feel close to God and the Blessed Virgin Mary most of the time. Just last night, I made a short prayer that I thought of saying it as my first prayer every morning when I’m preparing to rise up from my bed: Dear Jesus and Mary, help me to make this day a holier one and united always to Thee. Sometimes, I repeat it during the day.

However, one thing that still agonize me is the habit of gossiping. Why is it that I just can’t help doing away with that? Although it is not that sinful, it is still a distraction to me, a poor wretched sinner. I know it diminish my nearness to God. So, starting this day, I’m going to make another resolution: stop gossiping. I hope I survive. That with God’s grace and the Blessed Virgin Mary, I’d be counting the days of July with a clean soul full of docility, humility, and meekness. This is my eternal quest. And, God willing, I wish – with all the angels and saints - to live my remaining years this way.

I recently read the life of St. Aloysius Gonzaga and was even more encouraged by his actions. His family was one of the renowned persons in his country but he became poorer among the poor. At a tender age, he wanted to become a priest and he entered the Jesuit Seminary at the age of 19. Although he didn’t become a priest as his frail health caused his life, he succeeded to suffer everything for the love of his Suffering Lord. At the age of 23, he breathed his last breath on earth and his youthful soul joined his Divine Master already!

Oh yes, last June I missed so many great occasions. I shall post it here.

June 7: It was the feast of Corpus Christi.
Explanation: The solemnity of the Corpus Domini is not just the simple memorial of an historical event which took place almost two thousand years ago at the Last Supper; rather, it recalls us to the ever present reality of Jesus always living in our midst. We can say, in truth, that He has not “left us orphans”, but has willed to remain permanently with us, in the integrity of His Person in the fullness of His humanity and His divinity. “There is no other nation so great,” the Divine Office enthusiastically sings, “as to have its gods so near as our God is present to us” (RB). In the Eucharist, Jesus is really Emmanuel, God with us. In the consecrated Host, we have not only Christ’s Body, Blood, and Soul, but also the divinity of the Son of God and, therefore, God Himself. What more potent means could God use to unite us to Himself and to make us share His nature and life? Where could we find a more life giving food than the Body of Christ, which through its personal union with the Word, is the source of all life and grace? By giving Himself to us, Jesus nourishes us with His substance, assimilates us to Himself, and personally communicates divine life to us. In the Eucharist, it is Jesus Himself Who is the Sacrament, coming to us personally in the integrity of His Person, that of the God-Man. When we receive the Sacred Host, we not only receive Christ’s action in our soul, but we actually possess His Person, really and physically present. We are given not only an increase of grace, but Jesus, the very source of grace. We not only enjoy a new participation in divine life, we possess the Incarnate Word, Who takes us with Himself to the heart of the Trinity. Furthermore, whereas material food is assimilated by the one who eats it and is changed into that person’s body and blood, Jesus, the Living Bread, has the power to assimilate and change into Himself those who partake of Him. “Holy Communion, the Body and Blood of Christ, tends to transform us into what we eat,” says St. Leo, and St. John Chrysostom notes: “Christ has united Himself to us and infused His Body into us, that we may be one thing with Him as a body is fitted to its head. Such is the union of those on fire with love” (RB). By nourishing us with Christ’s life, the Eucharist nourishes in us a life which has no end. By uniting us to Him Who is Life, it frees us from death. In fact, Jesus has said: “He that eateth My Flesh and drinketh My Blood hath everlasting life, and I will raise him up in the last day” (Jn 6v55). Notice that He said, “hath everlasting life,” not will have, because the Eucharist, by giving us an increase of grace - the seed of glory - becomes the pledge of eternal life for us, life not only for the soul but also for the body. “The sacred Host communicates the seed of future resurrection; Christ’s immortal Body plants within us the seed of immortality which will grow and some day bring forth fruit” (Pope Leo XIII: Mirae Caritatis). From this point of view, the Eucharist is truly the Sacrament of hope: hope of celestial glory, of the beatific vision, where our “communion” with Christ will have no end. Our eternal “communion” begins here on earth precisely in the Eucharistic communion which is its prelude, pledge, and even, in a slight degree, its foretaste. But the Blessed Sacrament is a source of great hope and confidence in our present life, too, especially in what concerns our spiritual progress; for, by increasing grace in us, it also increases our charity, and with the growth in charity, our passions are subdued. St. Augustine says, “The increase of charity is the decrease of passion, and the perfection of charity is the absence of passion.” If, then, the struggle against a certain fault of temptation sometimes becomes very violent and difficult; if in spite of all our efforts, we do not succeed in overcoming nature, let us have confidence in the Blessed Sacrament. When Jesus comes to us, He can calm any storm and give us strength to win any kind of battle. “The chaste Flesh of Jesus,” says St. Cyril of Alexandria, “checks the insubordination of ours; by dwelling in us, Christ effectively overcomes the law of flesh which rages in our members.” The Eucharist, therefore, is our hope both for this life and for the life to come; it sustains us in adversity, fortifies us in the struggle for virtue, saves us for eternal life and brings us to heaven by providing us with the food necessary for our journey. (Taken and compiled from a meditation book)

June 14: It was my 20th baptismal year. I don’t know but I was so fool I didn’t recognize it on that day! I guess I was busy with worldly things again. That’s bad! I had indeed forgotten to greet St. Basil the Great - one of my patron saints!

June 15: The feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
Explanation: After we have contemplated the Eucharist, a gift crowning all the gifts of the love of Jesus for men, the Church invites us to give direct consideration to the love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the source and cause of all His gifts. We may call the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus the feast of His love for us. “Behold this Heart which has so loved men,” Jesus said to St. Margaret Mary; “Behold this Heart which has so loved men,” the Church repeats to us today, showing us that it is truly “in the Heart of Christ, wounded by our sins, that God has deigned to give us the infinite treasures of His love.” (cf. Collect). Today’s liturgy inspired with this thought, reviews the immense benefits we owe to the love of Christ and sings a hymn in praise of His love. “Cogitationes cordis ejus,” chants the Introit of the Mass: “The thoughts of His Heart” - the Heart of Jesus - “are to all generations: to deliver them from death, to feed them in time o famine.” The Heart of Jesus is always in search of souls to save, to free from the snares of sin, to wash in His Blood, to feed with His Body. The Heart of Jesus is always living in the Eucharist to satisfy the hunger of all who long for Him, to welcome and console all those who, disillusioned by the vicissitudes of life, take refuge in Him, seeking peace and refreshment. Jesus Himself is our support on the hard road of life. “Take up My yoke upon you and learn of Me, because I am meek and humble of heart, and you shall find rest for your souls, Alleluia.” It is impossible to eliminate sorrow from our life; yet if we live for Jesus we can suffer in peace and find in the Heart of Jesus repose for our weary soul. Again, Jesus presents Himself as the door which leads to salvation. “I am the door. By Me if any man enter in, he shall be saved.” (Jn 10v9). This door is His Heart, which, wounded for us, has brought us into life. By love alone can we penetrate this mystery of infinite love, but not any kind of love will suffice. As St. Paul; says, we must “be rooted and founded in charity.” Only thus shall we able “to know… the charity of Christ which surpasseth all knowledge, that [we] may be filled unto all the fullness of God.” (Taken and compiled from a meditation book)

June 17: Fathers’ Day. Happy Fathers’ Day, Dad! Love you always!

I would like to leave with this prayer of St. Augustine (that I read from the book entitled True Devotion to Our Lady by St. Louis de Montfort) as I find these words most fittingly describe the way I feel at the moment and all the days of my life to come: O Jesus Christ, Thou art my Father, my merciful God, my great King, my good Shepherd, my only Master, my best Helper, my beloved Friend of overwhelming beauty, my living Bread, my eternal Priest. Thou art my guide to my heavenly home, my one true light, my holy joy, my true way, my shining wisdom, my unfeigned simplicity, the peace and harmony of my soul, my perfect safeguard, my bounteous inheritance, my everlasting salvation. My loving Lord, Jesus Christ, why have I ever loved or desired anything else in my life but Thee, my God? Where was I when I was not in communion with Thee? From now on, I direct all my desires to be inspired by Thee and centered on Thee. I direct them to press forward for they have tarried long enough, to hasten towards their goal, to seek the One they yearn for. O Jesus, let him who does not love Thee be accursed and filled with bitterness. O gentle Jesus, let every worthy feeling of mine show Thee love, take delight in Thee and admire Thee. O God of my heart and my inheritance, Christ Jesus, may my heart mellow before the influence of Thy spirit and may Thou live in me. May the flame of Thy love burn in my soul. May it burn incessantly on the altar of my heart. May it glow in my innermost being. May it spread its heat into the hidden recesses of my soul and on the day of my consummation, may I appear before Thee consumed in Thy love. Amen.

Sts. Peter and Paul

[This one is supposed to be on June 29, 2007, Friday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Today’s the feast of Sts. Peter and Paul and it’s one special day for the SSPX. Yes, this is the day wherein priests would be celebrating their priesthood anniversary and deacons would be ordained! I know for sure there would be ordinations at STAS (Saint Thomas Aquinas Seminary) as well as Econe, I guess. Deo Gratias! More priests are coming and coming. For priests, may you have many blessings ahead to sustain you! For deacons, good luck to your very first mission and may you be ever vibrant as in your seminary days! May Our Lady grant us many more religious priests who’d be a strong as the stand post and yet as meek as our Lord Jesus Himself is!

I would like to greet a happy 8th year anniversary to Fr. Salvador and a happy 6th year anniversary to Fr. Saa!!! If you will remember, both priests are Filipinos who are assigned outside their home country’s mission.

Mom went to GenSan for a room blessing (the one she rented for my brother) by one of the visiting priests. Mom said that in case the SSPX priest couldn’t make it - she’d opt for a Novus Ordo priest instead. Well, that’s not nice. I still hope Father could make it. Let’s see.

Before I end, I’d like to share here about how every morning when I wake up to pray my usual morning prayers downstairs, there is a lizard who never fails to accompany me. I don’t know but maybe because I open the light and it finds prey (flying tiny insects) there. As for me, I came to appreciate it. It’s like everytime, it’s the first creature down here to greet me good morning. Isn’t that a unique experience and exhilarating to start one’s day?!

Mom also told me this day, that I talk most of the time when I sleep at night! Weird. I don’t even know it and last night, I didn’t even have a dream. All I know was that I was awaken twice when Mom called my brother at work since he was night shift. And mind you, I didn’t hear myself. Or was I that sleepy? But no, I remember very well Mom’s conversation at the cellphone with my brother. I really don’t understand what Mom’s telling me about that. She also said it bothers her but I wonder how can I help when all the time I don’t even recognize my being “talkative” at night. Is there someone out there who can give me advice? Or maybe, prayers would miraculously work. God willing.

That would be all for this day. More on the coming tomorrows. Please don’t forget to pray for me. Thanks once more!

Let me end this with a short prayer: Dear Jesus and Mary, please may my heart always be near to Thine! Amen.

News - Bad and Good

[This one is supposed to be on June 27, 2007, Wednesday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Last night, Mom informed us that my brother would be terminated by the end of July. It was obviously because of an argument that happened on June 23, Saturday, between an officer of the agency and Mom.

Well, I’m so sad to hear it. Still, this is all God’s will. But I now wonder what will happen on the boarding room there in GenSan. Mom said it’s already clean and renovated - ready to be occupied. I really wonder

I had a lot of questions to ask my brother but it seems that it isn’t appropriate at the moment. I saw in his eyes that he doesn’t want to engage on that topic. And I feel like he doesn’t want to talk about it either. He’d go to any other issues e.g. the movies we’ve recently watched or simply his experience on work that day. So, I get to be satisfied with few questions answered. Indeed, it’s a big wow he managed to answer those.

About myself, I’m doing fine. Study, work, and prayers still occupy my time. I made other resolutions with myself so that I can better please God. It’s not popular and it’s daring. However, I knew I have to. I decided to stop re watching movies even decent one (The Passion is an exemption) as I want to open more space in my heart to God. I have to close my senses to inorderly things - worldly things to be exact. I have to confess that I grew up with fondness of Hollywood stuffs. From actors, to singers, to movies, music, and places - you name it. Frankly, I still find it hard to overcome those vain pleasures. But no matter what, I’m resolved to do it. I don’t want to have any connections with the world save for the salvation of souls. I’d also try not to induce my family to worldly things. I may not always voice out my opinions as I’m the youngest, but in my silence, I will do it actively. Only now did I realize the truthfulness of the words that you can’t bring anything when you die. The only thing that really matters is getting to Heaven to be united with our Creator. I desire to live like the saints. And I just read what one saint said: “…we learn that we can enter heaven only through many sufferings.” In other words, I cannot get to Heaven by simply hoping for it. I need to have more and more graces to sanctify my weary soul. And that I should never stop from having as many as I can. I believe that to aspire something is to gain it as well. Otherwise, it would be nonsense all in all.

Oh my Jesus, I’m very sorry for all the scandals I made through my thoughts, words, and deeds. How I wish I could turn back time and didn’t make any injuries in Thy Most Holy Name. My Blessed Mother, I wish to suffer more in repayment for my own sins and for mankind. Make this heart of mine a divine place for thy Son and if thou please, the whole Blessed Trinity, help me to despise all that is not in conformity to God. And to awaken myself from nothingness to holiness. Make my spirit united - always and forever- to God’s will. Banish from my heart anything that is evil, presumptuous, and concupiscence. My Blessed Lady, to thee do I come. I surrender everything to thee. Make my whole self to be a continuous living temple of the Holy Ghost and may worldly things never occupy my soul anymore. I also pray for my dearest family, my Blessed Mother. Oh, would that they learn all things that are pleasing to God! Blessed Virgin Mary, please may I have all of them in Heaven. Thank you very much, my Blessed Virgin Mary! Amen.