Tuesday, July 24, 2007

News - Bad and Good

[This one is supposed to be on June 27, 2007, Wednesday. However, I ran out of internet time - Editor’s Note]

Last night, Mom informed us that my brother would be terminated by the end of July. It was obviously because of an argument that happened on June 23, Saturday, between an officer of the agency and Mom.

Well, I’m so sad to hear it. Still, this is all God’s will. But I now wonder what will happen on the boarding room there in GenSan. Mom said it’s already clean and renovated - ready to be occupied. I really wonder

I had a lot of questions to ask my brother but it seems that it isn’t appropriate at the moment. I saw in his eyes that he doesn’t want to engage on that topic. And I feel like he doesn’t want to talk about it either. He’d go to any other issues e.g. the movies we’ve recently watched or simply his experience on work that day. So, I get to be satisfied with few questions answered. Indeed, it’s a big wow he managed to answer those.

About myself, I’m doing fine. Study, work, and prayers still occupy my time. I made other resolutions with myself so that I can better please God. It’s not popular and it’s daring. However, I knew I have to. I decided to stop re watching movies even decent one (The Passion is an exemption) as I want to open more space in my heart to God. I have to close my senses to inorderly things - worldly things to be exact. I have to confess that I grew up with fondness of Hollywood stuffs. From actors, to singers, to movies, music, and places - you name it. Frankly, I still find it hard to overcome those vain pleasures. But no matter what, I’m resolved to do it. I don’t want to have any connections with the world save for the salvation of souls. I’d also try not to induce my family to worldly things. I may not always voice out my opinions as I’m the youngest, but in my silence, I will do it actively. Only now did I realize the truthfulness of the words that you can’t bring anything when you die. The only thing that really matters is getting to Heaven to be united with our Creator. I desire to live like the saints. And I just read what one saint said: “…we learn that we can enter heaven only through many sufferings.” In other words, I cannot get to Heaven by simply hoping for it. I need to have more and more graces to sanctify my weary soul. And that I should never stop from having as many as I can. I believe that to aspire something is to gain it as well. Otherwise, it would be nonsense all in all.

Oh my Jesus, I’m very sorry for all the scandals I made through my thoughts, words, and deeds. How I wish I could turn back time and didn’t make any injuries in Thy Most Holy Name. My Blessed Mother, I wish to suffer more in repayment for my own sins and for mankind. Make this heart of mine a divine place for thy Son and if thou please, the whole Blessed Trinity, help me to despise all that is not in conformity to God. And to awaken myself from nothingness to holiness. Make my spirit united - always and forever- to God’s will. Banish from my heart anything that is evil, presumptuous, and concupiscence. My Blessed Lady, to thee do I come. I surrender everything to thee. Make my whole self to be a continuous living temple of the Holy Ghost and may worldly things never occupy my soul anymore. I also pray for my dearest family, my Blessed Mother. Oh, would that they learn all things that are pleasing to God! Blessed Virgin Mary, please may I have all of them in Heaven. Thank you very much, my Blessed Virgin Mary! Amen.

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